Hiding Behind Smoke

[joanne47]

I had such a day today. Relationships are HARD. I found out that people that I thought got along and loved eachother actually harbored such anger and resentment. It was eating away at them. And, of course, since I am the common denominator, I am in the middle. Yes, I managed to get out of the middle but I have been having such a hard time not smoking.

I am not smoking. I can't and I won't. But I want to. It's associated with a break in the emotions. A way to cool off. I am doing a lot of deep breathing and actually am taking it by the minute. MINUTE by MINUTE.

It's not really a crave of smoking, it's the imagination of relaxing and stress reduction. And I KNOW it's not true b/c I've watched my blood pressure drop and can feel it in my neck and throat. (I mean it's less constricted )

The very postive thing is that I think stopping smoking has forced me to confront the anger in my household. And to have to deal with it. What is it that makes us hide ourselves behind smoke?? I want to see a psychologist's view on this. I think it's true! But I've carried that honesty to the people in my househild.

A little loving prayers my way would go a long way. Just to help me continue to see smoking for the dirty veil that it is and also to keep the honesty and strength needed to keep moving up and forward.

[djmurray]

Powerful blog, Joanne -- I relate to so much of what you've written.  I have struggled with wondering how could I possibly WANT a cigarette when I know what I know?  And yesterday I had to say a part of  me WANTS a cigarette, but I WILL NOT SMOKE. 

I love the idea that cigarette smoke is a dirty veil!  Great way to put it.

[joanne47]

Thnaks DJ. It really is so hlepful to hear people. I mean really HEAR them and feel them. We can do this and we will.

[elvan]

I am so proud of you Joanne, learning to feel our emotions has been the biggest part of the struggle for me.  I had to learn to feel things I SHOULD have learned to feel when I was young but I blocked them and blocked them for years and now I am finding out that dealing with them is possible...and empowering!

[Barbara145]

Hi Joanne.  It is amazing isn't it?  I think that alot of smokers are really good, sensitive people like yourself.  Maybe our wanting to hideout and not deal with our feelings may have started there.  Looking back, I was so immature.  I guess because I did not get practice with dealing with things head on.  You can't go through what you are going through without growing and growing is probably the best thing about this deal.  Hang on tight, FEEL your feelings and take it one day at a time.  You are doing really well. 

[Giulia]

I think part of the "smoke-screen" is simply that act of smoking got us away from the situation long enough to take a breather from it and think about it. That 5 minute smoke break was really thinking time, emotional digesting time.  It was simply a "tool," that happened to have the addictive fillip attached to it.  There are other tools that we learn to use after we've quit.  The deep breathing, the five minute walk...  they too enable us to have that digesting time only they aren't addictive.  Stick with it.  Keep reading, keep learning, keep trusting that the cravings will continue to lessen in intensity and occurrence as each day passes.  You're doing it.  Keep on!

[candu2]

I took part in a smoking cessation class years ago; quit for a few months, then went back to it.  One thing I remember from that class - the leader said that many times when we smoke, there's a good chance we're not saying something that we really want or need to say. Our cigs are sort of like a muzzle on a dog.

Sending good wishes and prayers your way...there IS life after quitting!

[Junior7]

Sending prayers your way!

[Diane145]

Wishing you well Joanne.  Don't let life get in the way of your success!  Carpe Diem!!