Hi Dear Family

[cookie804]

This morning is the first morning I did not post anything since I quit 31 days ago. I think I am in NML now. A big cloud of depression has come over me today and I just felt overwhelmed. I don't think it is the cigarettes, it is just life catching up with me I think. I am living alone for the first time in my life and I am 66 years old. I could not stay in an abusive marriage any longer and my son who was living with me moved in  with his girlfriend. He is 36 years old and needs a life of his own, I understand that. My mother who I had the pleasure of her living with me for 16 years has now passed away. My father whom I took care of is gone also. I found both of them dead. Right before my daughter was murdered, my brother who was my best friend and a pastor passed away from cancer. I have been longing to be with all of them in heaven. Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal, no way. It is just the loving ones in my family are gone and I feel so lonely.

I have been trying to keep busy all day long but my back gave out. I have been totally by myself for 4 months. I do have my best friend cookie ( my chihuahua). What would I do without her? I cannot travel except short trips because of the chronic pain in my back. I guess I am on a pity party, I don't know.

I apologize for whinning but you ( my new family) is really all I have. That is that I can count on to be here for me. I wish I could hug each and every one of you guys. You have become to mean the world to me. Today I think I was running away from myself. I guess that sounds crazy but that is how I felt.

Tomorrow is a new day and maybe it will be brighter. congratulations to everyone for being ex smokers.

Love to you all

Carolyn

[promise_judy]

(((((((Carolyn)))))))

YOu are not alone--there are alot of us here who understand what you are going through.

XOXO

[Bee_Jay]

Hi Carolyn, We care about you. (((HUGS)))

[Jennifer-Quit]

Carolyn - I think feeling a little depressed is normal - at least for me it is.  But things are getting better.  I live alone also so yes it does get lonesome sometimes.  But you always have this site and your friends here.  You are active in church also. Hope that you are feeling better soon.  Congrats on 31 days!

[Junior7]

Love you Carolyn!  We are here for you!  Blog as often as you need to. 

[cheyenne7]

A big congratulations on 31 days.....you are incredible lady, and I know Cookie is too, isn't she.....

You are going thru an adjustment period, living on your own now.....but you will adjust to this.....and it has already been said, but worth repeating.....You are not alone----You are part of this family----there is always someone here......

Please give yourself a big hug, and a funny movie.....Have you ever seen High Anxiety with Mel Brooks.....it's not easy to find, but worth looking for.....guaranteed laughter, and I'm a tough critic, I think most movies stink.....so try to check this one out if you want to laugh your butt off...

Praying for happiness to surround you --- good evening!

[YoungAtHeart]

Whining is definitely ALLOWED here!

I also live alone, and find that I really do need interaction outside of my home.  Do you have a senior centerr near you?  Maybe take a class (there are usually free and cheap ones!).  You need to make some new friends.  Do you have a hobby you would like to pursue?  Most needlework shops have classes in crochet and knitting. You can then meet folks with a common interest.  I make a point of meeting up with friends and colleagues from my old workplace for lunch. I have a morning where I walk to our local coffee shop with a neighbor and we split a yummy muffin!  Maybe art classes?  Maybe tai chi?  That is gentle, flowing art form that should not be hard on your back (and might even help with the pain).

Exercise (even a short walk) energizes you for the day.  I also make it a point to say "hello" or "good morning" and look folks right in the eye when I run my errands.  I try to compliment one person each time I am out.  It makes their day, and mine for the satisfaction it gives me to brighten their day.

You CAN chose how you will feel each day.  Perhaps start a gratitude journal and write at least one thing each day for which you are grateful  It helps to remind us that we really, after all, have it pretty good!

Let me know if I can help!

Nancy

[JonesCarpeDiem]

((((((((((Carolyn)))))))))

I feel you. i'm sorry  for your loss of the people you are close to.

do you have a church or some kind of socialization?

you would be amazed at how many people would be willing to come get you so you coiuld be a part of something.or come visit.

everyone has lonliness at times but we can make sopme choices that can change it.

there's lots of caring people in the world.

[phyllis-12-7-15]

Congratulations. 31 days is AWESOME. Nancy has some great ideas and we are always here when you need a little whine.

HUGS

[GreenThumb3]

Wow you have been through a lot I'm glad you have your puppy they are the best company and always like to walk and be loved 

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Wonderful to hear from you.  You were on my mind today.  I'm sorry that your back blew out today and the loss of your loved ones.  Thank goodness you have Cookie.  Their so smart.  I'm sure she knows you are hurting and I'm glad that smoking wasn't part of the plan.  Good for you.

[marilyn_marmac]

So many changes. I know there are tough times, and will continue tobe for a while, but if you step outside the situation and read your post, you would realize the strenghthittook for you to make the decesion to get out of your marriage. Read Nancys post again.find friends. But honestly, you've already started to love yourself. Its not easy to walk away from the abuse.

[ShawnP]

Blogging is good to get it off of your chest. So much has happened to you. Unfortuneately, we don't want to go through these kinds of situations but in the end, we come out stronger. This strength shows in you, Carolyn from day 1. Keep taking your steps along this journey, never forget God is walking beside you and those times when you need it, he's carrying you. Also your Ex family  is walking beside your, joining hands as we conquer this nasty addiction TOGETHER!!!

[trudyd]

yes it is tough being alone and losing our family and friends I have a little Scottie who is my companion.......animals give us unconditional love and a reason to get out of be every morning hang in there you are not alone in your situation there are plenty of us in the same boat so you have my compassion and understanding