The scariest thing about smoking is that I was not able to distinguish the shift from "casual smoker" to "addict". I never thought my body would be so dependent on something - especially at this age. Being under the age of 20, it seems like it should not be possible to be so addicted to nicotine - but I am.
I remember being 12 years old and discovering my father smoking on the porch after he had quit his job. I was so upset, I went to my school counselor to talk about it. I told her that I would never smoke, but that I was afraid I was destined to.
High school rolled around and I had my first cigarette at age 15. I thought it made me look older and sexier. At my frist party I didn't inhale, I just enjoyed the feeling of having the cigarette between my lips.
Now here I am. I'm ready to quit. I want to be able to breathe while I dance. I don't want to waste my money on something that controls me in such an abusive manner. I don't want anyone to judge me on the streets while I'm trying to find some shelter from the rain to just light my cigarette, because I need it right now.
Most importantly, I want to set a better example for my 16 year old sister and for my future family.
I haven't had a smoke in 2 days, but I'm feeling all of the urges in my body. For non-smokers, smokers that are trying to quit must sound like total lunatics. I remember when I was young and I didn't understand how one could be addicted to smoking. Now I understsand all too well.
