Hectic and a slip

[mdmd4448]

Well, it happened....I slipped twice in the last five days. Bummed 'em. It was impulsive. This week been very stressful and hectic. I am working to get back on track and realizing that while one slip doesn't compel me to go through withdrawal in a physical way, the mental/behavior part seems to be one long withdrawal. I am not quitting on the quit. Been three hard weeks and as the therapists like to say "relapse is part of recovery".

I have made good progress on the triggers and cues...it's the "craves out of nowhere" that caught me off guard. It is practice practice practice for me to stand back and be objective and understand it is just a feeling, not a mandate, and, that i can surf the urges but i have to be ready, be prepared.

I knew this could happen but am chagrined nonetheless. I know it's happened to many others but in this sense I take a selfish position: what counts is it happened to me during my quit.

This community are the only ones to know I have had these two slips and I intend to keep it that way. You all get it, understand it....most others it will just end up being a long winded and pointless attempt to explain how I "came so far, how could i mess up". The answer is easy - I'm an addict.

On a positive note, I am making good gains feeling much better physically with fewer will mood swings (or not any sort of mood at all for hours,  and less irritable at least for now.

Will write more tomorrow. I am still cleaning up the leftover "mess" of this week's stress....mostly about money but now resolved successfully.

Hope everyone who has been so good to me are all doing well. I look forward to hearing from you when you get the chance.

mdmd

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Sorry that you had a relapse.  Ir seems you have analyzed the situation.  What are you going to do the next time your addiction takes you to a mindless state or relapse.  We have to learn from the relapse.  Glad you are feeling better relapse can create a lot of esteem issues..  Hind sight is 20/20 your issues would have been resolved whether you smoked or not .Smoking only adds problems they only create problems.  

[YoungAtHeart]

I am glad you are understanding what caused you to make the decision and planning what you will do differently THIS time.

I hope you have already quit again - or have set a date? 

Remember, please - there are no good reasons to smoke.  If you doubt that, try listing them!!!

Nancy

[sharon110]

Hang in there! forgive yourself, and move on . It's been three years for me, BECAUSE of this community. Keep moving forward, looking back will cause you to become defeated. You will get this. !

[TerrieQuit]

I'm sorry to hear that you relapsed. There is a great group called relapse traps. I have spent an enormous amount of time there reading. It really helped me! Here's a link!

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/relapse-prevention

If you haven't already quit again, get started, you can do this!

Don't Quit on your Quit!

[shashort]

Awe mdmd I am sorry to hear of your relapse. Don't beat yourself up and don't give on your quit.  Have you set another date yet?  You CAN do this!!

[KMC56]

Keep on chugging Mark...most importantly is that your nor quiting on your quit.  It's mind blowing for sure, that we are addicts...K

[Giulia]

You know what?  DO beat yourself up about this.  There ARE no excuses.  Especially when you KNOW they're excuses.  Well, I'm the tough love, tell-it-like-is girl so you can expect this from me.  But - really.  "Relapse is part of recovery?"  Might I suggest that relapse doesn't necessary HAVE to be part of recovery.  That you can beat an addiction without a relapse?  That "relapse is part of recovery" is a great phrase for allowing just such an excuse to relapse?  Well, you call them slips.  Of which you've now had two in the past 5 days.  How many more are you going to allow yourself, how many more will you bum?  Think about it.  Impulsive?  Perhaps the first one, but the second?  I suggest you knew better both times and made a conscious choice to bum them with an excuse of "stress and hecticness" or "it was simply unthinking impulse."  I don't believe you can have been quit and worked as hard as you have for the past three weeks and not be cognizant of exactly what you were doing. Because after three weeks on here you’ve been educated enough to know better.  But then, as you said, "the answer is easy"  you're an addict. 

Your a physician with 5 children.  I'm curious, in which field of medicine do you practice?  Have you ever had this kind of discussion with your patients about smoking?  If so, what was the advice you gave them?

[crazymama_Lori]

I was wondering about you.  Stay away from them smokers.  Shout it from the rooftops that you've quit and am going to stay quit.  I too was tempted many times to bum a smoke, but I chose not to act on it.  In the early days I was always tempted to try one again.  I'm glad I didn't.  It's kind of like an alcoholic hanging around in a bar.  Why do you go to something that you know you can't control???????

[Michwoman]

Sorry for the relapse - but glad you know you have to get right back on track. Never look back!

[elvan]

So sorry to hear this, my quit was certainly littered with relapses...until THIS one.  I told people when I relapsed though, it was part of my penance, I guess.  I did pay really close attention to what happened so I would be prepared the next time I was challenged.  It worked for me.  It became harder and harder to justify.  I have to ask you, do you think that smoking somehow resolved the issues you were dealing with?  I suspect not, it was asking myself what smoking would do to help me and then answering HONESTLY, that gave me the strength I needed to keep up my quit.  You CAN do this.

[Daniela2016]

I am sorry you relapsed, but you seem already on the right track.

Re-set your clock and keep coming back.  Try to stay closer, spend more time with us, stress or not, check in every opportunity you have.  Even if you do not blog, just reading what others go through is always an opportunity to learn.

Coming here more often, commenting on other quitter's blogs makes you develop a sense of community and commitment to these being part of it.  It increases the sense of responsibility, extending it from just you, to the people who care, and will do everything they can to help you along the way.  So maybe next time you'll be tempted to ask for one, you'll instead think of your friends, and you'll come here to hand out encouragements, share experiences, and maybe you'll find the answer you thought a smoke will.

Glad you are sticking with us!!!

[constanceclum]

Keep coming back!

Connie

[mdmd4448]

Whew! Variety of responses. I have not gone back to smoking and don't intend to but I have to get back to the mindset of this not being a "push-pull" battle between me and cigarettes. How do you guys overcome the constant mental fatigue of thinking about smoking that seems to constantly bubble up from my subconscious? I can't seem to get past that although I am now having periods of my brain being free from it provided I am 100% engaged in whatever I'm doing - something I find tough to do all day long.

Thanks for the continued support and encouragement. I know I'm going to get there.

mdmd

[Thomas3.20.2010]

When you lock down your decision to not smoke no matter what then you no longer have this 24/7 discussion going on in your brain. The entire conversation in your mental dialogue revolves around "What do I do instead?" That's an entirely different question! 

Yes, it is difficult to stay totally engaged in other activities but that is the true challenge! We have the resources. One of those activities is to relax, believe it or not! Learning how to relax when you are in a state of tension is not any easy task but it can be done.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

what do you do?

You ask yourself,

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING?"

and then you say

"I Don't Do That Anymore."

[bonniebee]

Think positive and say to yourself this will not happen again I am committed to my quit .....NOPE !

Relapse does not have to be a part of recovery !

As Jackie said learn from it ! Reset your clock ...I would never want to have  reset to day 1 again ! Think about that........ no more Day 1's in your future  !

Be strong and carry on !

[maryfreecig]

No guilt, no apologies. This is your mission possible.  

All I can do is tell you my story, make suggestions.

Fear, worry, anxiety, anger--all these difficult feelings require tools to get through them with out smoking. Rational thinking is not enough-- tools, tools you call your own. Pick them up, use them! 

Beating temptation requires picking up the tools...if and when you have a next temptation, consider blogging here, folks answer right away.

Count those ' free from it periods as long as you are 100% engaged' as a sign along the road to recovery pointing you in the right direction. It may not be as big a sign as you want, but it is a sign. The signs keep coming and getting bigger, the more you pick up the tools--especially when you are reaching the end of your rope.

To answer your question, I sweat it out for sometime. What made me believe that sweating it out mattered? I didn't believe! Ha ha. I use to turn to comedy for relief and quit smoking vlogs to help relieve the emotional stress. I also used to say the following; I'm going to go get lots of booze, cartons of cigarettes, and a gun, booze it up, smoke it up and then...well what a dark picture that was. But by saying that, I'd half laugh, but then ask myself, what addiction is this, that I would consider such a miserable end? Sure I was half joking. But the pain was real. Yours is, too. Use the tools, ignore the monster.

Tools matter. Stuff the tool bag until you have too many too count. 

Glad you are not quitting on your quit.

[Strudel]

For me, it was so important to break that link between smoking and THINKING that it was going to help me somehow when I was in stress. It is vital....otherwise whenever stress comes along - which will be always in this life! - we would turn to smoking. In order to undo all of that brainwashing - and learning what to do about the mental fatigue you mentioned - check out the free course at www.quitsmokingonline.com - I approached like taking a class - and that I had a lot to learn! I even took notes! I loved it! Check it out - this takes work to undo the thinking about smoking that we did for so many years. You can do this! 

[plug66]

its okay mark, you will do this, its hard work, but you can succeed

[mdmd4448]

Thank you for all these responses! Instructive in many ways, to say the least. I'm in it for the long haul. As my healthy 91 yo mother likes to say "life is bumpy" and she should know. So is this.

mdmd

[Barbara145]

I had to promise myself.  No matter what I am feeling, no matter what I am thinking a cigarette will never be the answer. I am so glad I did it.  You will be too.  Give it time, it takes time.