Having second thoughts about staying quit

[lapistola]

It's been over a month now since I quit cold turkey, and I'm sitting here on the couch thinking about starting again. I know that may sound crazy, but here's why. For the first week or so, I was really moody. But then I seemed to be ok, and I was encouraged by the fact that I had quit. But every evening after dinner I still wanted to smoke--even now. 

But the big problem I'm having is that I just don't feel like myself these days. I feel like I have a dim view of the world, I'm not excited about much, and it even feels like my personality has changed. My marriage has been going down hill since I quit, maybe because I'm grumpy. I know this all pretty vague, but has anyone else experienced this? If so does it ever get better? I guess I'd rather be happier and die sooner than live a long and depressing life (kind of joking there).

[YoungAtHeart]

I absolutely understand what you are talking about - and you may  need to get in touch with your family doctor ASAP.  It is known that some people actually had depression issues and they dealt with them with the smoking chemicals.  Still others experience depression when the brain chemistry is cnanged by quitting.   

Have you tried the normal solutions you have used in your life for your down times -  like strenuous exercise, singing out loud, other things that release dopamine?  Do try these and see if they help, if you haven't already.

I hope your wife will understand that you are doing something really important by quitting, and will remain patient as you work through these issues.  

Please understand that going back to smoking is NOT the answer.  You have a whole month behind you - don't throw that away....you fought way too hard for it!

Nancy

Quit 7/4/12

[Buddy12]

yep.....I know just what you're talking about......a depression ......I surely have been dealing with it for awhile.....I know it's mainly due to quitting......but.....I just can't see how  starting smoking will improve it.....I just imagine it.....I light up....puff away for a day, a week.....how's that gonna make me feel......better? I've been thinking about it alot.... but when I think it through....it never makes sense to give up on my quitting smoking......I think it would make my depression worse, not better.

[YoungAtHeart]

Both of you guys - LISTEN UP!  You will be doubly depressed if you abandon your quits ----- because that will NOT solve anything.  It will do nada, zero, zilch to make you feel better.  You will feel doubly lousy for having lost your quits, too..................

So - STOP this kind of thinking right NOW -- there are other ways to deal with this!

Nancy

[tender0827]

I am 120 days quit and I experienced the same "funk" you are experiencing.  I totally did not feel like my self, and everything seemed useless.  Same as you  I thought really I'd rather smoke than be this hopeless.  This will pass.  I wasn't sure if it was absolutely depression or a slick way for nicodemon to get in my head, either way I didn't feel like I had much hope. Stick it out, say NOPE to that first thought each time and before you know it the "funk" will pass.   I can't tell you when it will pass (possibly a couple of weeks for me), but it will and you will be so glad you stayed strong! 

[lapistola]

Thanks guys, I will lean into my stubborn nature, say no to buying cigs, and explore other possibilities for cheering up. Appreciate the great encouragement. 

[Buddy12]

oh, not to worry.....I'm never going back to smoking.....just letting Chad know it happens to others, too. Did you read what I posted, Nancy?

[freeneasy]

I know exactly how you feel. You have 30 days and quit cold turkey! That is amazing- put off giving in -the feeling will pass. You will feel worse if you if you rationalize reasons to start again- I blew a 4 year quit once and that was over 30 years ago. I was going through a period of time that sounds similar to what is happening to you.Now I am quitting all over again years later. I tried to quit again shortly after I blew my quit and could not .Delay ending your quit and you will not regret it.   

[Sootie]

This is a completely normal "feeling" for around this time....you were addicted to a very strong drug and you are still experiencing the after effects (and will for some time).  Remember---one of the things we all have to learn to do is to feel "normal" without smoking...AND YOU WILL---I PROMISE!!! It happens ----really it does. And, you MUST hang in there.

Grumpy, cranky, grouchy----yes---we all feel that way in the beginning of the quit. And make no mistake---this IS still the beginning! You are doing GREAT---but quitting takes a little longer. Talk honestly with your significant other and apologize ahead of time for anything you might say or do while ridding your body of this drug ------however---remember---quitting is NOT an excuse to be a lousy person  : )

My husband and I both quit around the same time and there were times when we argued about.......NOTHING? EVERYTHING? It works out in the end. He used to use the same line as you---which caught my eye....."I'd rather be happy and die sooner than live a long depressing life." To which I would reply----"yeah---but the problem is we may NOT die...we may have a stroke and need constant care from....who? We may have breathing problems and be unable to do all the things we love to do-----that WOULD be a long, depressing life!

Stay Strong.....good to hear you are stubborn......in quitting, that's a good thing. Stay in touch.

[I_am_free]

I know exactly how you feel, too.  The answers before me on your blog are excellent. My weirdness of feeling not normal, somewhat ho-hum seems to be related to my body and mind wondering,"what just happened to my normal way of living for the last 40 years?"    Hey, it would not be normal if we weren't confused.  Be proud, give your wife more hugs, remind her what she means to you, and tell her thank you everyday for being there for you.

[freedom-38]

I know how you feel. Quitting smoking is not always easy, but it is so worth it!!

Try to remember the reasons why you quit. I can guarantee there are more reasons to stay quit than there is to start up again.

And smoking is not going to make anything better. We know this, right?

Qutting smoking is like experiencing a death of sorts. A death of a long time friend and also a part of you feels like it has gone missing. But it hasn't! It's still waiting to be be re-discovered.

Try something new. Exercise and being in nature.

I still have days where I am just sad and grumpy and I feel like turning to my old friend NIC because I think he will help me feel normal. But I then I remember I am learning a "new normal" and it takes time. And I also remember that NIC is a bad, bad friend.

You are at a VERY CRUCIAL time in your quit. Please stay strong and stay close to this site. There are a lot of VERY helpful, supportive and caring people here.

Be patient with yourself.

Take good care.

[nursemama23]

I just blogged about this same thing today - only difference is I dont have the urges to smoke. But the classic signs of depression, mood swings, and dim view on life has hit me and seems to fluctuate with the day.

I have been reassured by many people on this site that have been where we are that they went through this and it passed.... and I trust them.

I dont know if you have seen my first blog about why I quit smoking but maybe it could be insightful to you- maybe not - you never know.

I hope that you keep your quit bc I am in the same boat as you and I am literally fighting for my life.

We can do this! We are worth it!

This cloud wont hang on us forever! We have been smoking so long that of course our brain is going to be off chemically while it balances out and tries to find its new groove. It makes sense. We just have to trust the process. Hang in there!

You might want to consider going to your doc and getting a medical opinion before you abandon ship. You might be suffering from depression that can be treated.

My tough love statement for the day to you because I care is :

Dont allow your current bad mood to be the excuse to start smoking again. Smoking doesnt fix your mood - it never did.

Withdrawal symptoms are temporary!

If you really think there is a problem that is not normal see your doc and get help with it because returning to the death sticks is NOT the answer!

We are strong enough to endure this process and this to shall pass!!!!

Hugs!

[camahoney]

Oh my I feel the same way for about the past week.  I know it is depression I thought about going back on my meds for depression but I don't want to do that if I don't have to so here is my plan.  NO SMOKING EVER!!!! but now I am going to replace it with exercise.  I started walking on my lunch hour about 2 miles that made me feel great so I thought if it works  at my lunch hour it will help if I exercise when I get home from work. I start tonight with a exercise bike .

[mygirls-6-5-17]

You are definately not alone, I am at day 65, and it does get better, but sometimes it gets a little worse again. I have been feeling a lot like you are lately, but I think it can be circumstansial or a result of being a depressed person. But, smoking wasn't making you happy or making your personality what it was, it was actually hiding the  real you. Maybe the real you does feel sad and grumpy and has a dim veiw of the world sometimes. That is normal. I have a huge range of emotions, always have, but when I was smoking I could escape them, now I have to deal. You CAN deal with this, you can't smoke, that's all, you just can't.

[Brian100]

Hey Chad - sorry to be late to the party.  Sounds like you got it figured out. Keep posting, this group talked me off the ledge when I was about to choose to light up again.

[Kimshine]

Great advice from everyone!

Glad you decided not to smoke Chad! 

Really should go to your doctor for a check up to talk about depression. I have it also and I'm going to start an anti-depressant again soon.

Best wishes!

[TheNewMe_Jo]

What a great time for you to put your focus on something else.

Why not open a Group here? Spouses and Quitting

Invite your wife to hang out here. I don't know if she smokes or not.

Either way it would help her to understand what you're goin through.

I was real depressed too, was before I quit, but worse after. IT GETS BETTER!

Right now you're learning to live life without the addiction you've been used to for so long, your brain is goin bonkers... the addiction WANTS YOU TO SMOKE!

As said above, you are fighting for your life!

DON'T SMOKE

Find a new focus in your life

30 DAYS IS AMAZING!

Keep going....