Gonna Tell You A Coupla Stories About Two People I Love

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I met both of them on another quit smoking site over 6 years ago, where We quit within a few months of each other.

One helped me through the darkest days of my quit and I fell in love with her from a distance of 2000 miles.

The other had the greatest sense of humor and lived about 30 miles away. We used to get together almost every weekend for 2-3 years

I'm here to tell you they are both back smoking.

You Know Why?

Because they foolishly threw away their quits and the irony is yet to come.

The one far away started dating a smoker about a year and a half after she quit and began smoking again shortly therafter. When that relationship didn't work out she quit again after smoking for six months.

She held her 2nd quit for 2-3 years and then began dating another smoker.  She started up again.

      That lasted a good part of a year and then they split up and she wants to quit again and wants me to help her, so, I tell her, "if you have anything to do with that guy you will be smoking again."

He came back into the picture a couple months ago and after quitting for almost 6 months, she is back smoking again.

Yep, I told her if she hung out with him she would be smoking again. How much clearer could I have been?

So at first he is going outside to smoke when he visits but not for long. What does this tell me? That he could care less about her. Anyone who knew she was quit would not have disrespected her in that way and got her smoking again. Of course, it's her fault. she made the choice to smoke but she also let the temptation of allowing them in close proximity be her downfall.

      The irony is, this guy has diabetes and smoking is horrible for diabetes progression.You start losing limbs! and obviously, he doesn't give a shit about himself or her so I'm waiting for him to lose a leg and realize smoking is serious. And then watch, he'll quit and she won't be able to. That's the f'ing irony!

       Now for my other "friend". She quit about 6 years ago also.

       About 2 years ago, her living conditions were changed abruptly and she had the opportunity to move in with a smoker for whom she had been caregiver for, for 15 years, 10 years prior. So I tell her, you better watch your quit. Rent is cheap but cigarettes aren't.

        The first night she is there, here friend offers her a glass of wine and lays a cigarette down beside it "just like old times" She smoked it, that was two years ago. She is still smoking.

         6 months after she moved in, her friend was taken in to have her leg removed because of the smoking ruining her circulation BUT came home a non smoker. My friend is still smoking 2 years later.

If you hang out with smokers your quit will likely be compromised sooner or later.

     To all you people who live with smokers, I feel sorry for the constant temptation lurking in the background.

All those who are looking for a future companion? DON'T CHOOSE A SMOKER!

SMARTEN UP! People who do the same drug hang out with people who do the same drug and perpetuate each others addiction! What a concept!!!

[motherlovebone]

I'm sorry, Dale.  It hurts to see people we love hurt themselves. 
A good thing for me to remember.  I'm tired of hurting people.
xo~mlb

[nikki77]

Amen, when and if I ever start dating again he has to be a non smoker, just no way around it,:) That is so sad but it happens all the time. Reminder that we are always vulnerable!!!

[Thomas3.20.2010]

*sigh*

Over and over again I warn people about the effects of Second Hand Smoke on Quitters and your friends clearly personify this point! If you are quitting or have quit - I don't care how long - PLEASE Stay away from Second Hand Smoke! It's a matter of LIFE and DEATH!

[joyeuxencore]

The reason I have not been on a date in years is solely because I would not want to date someone who would date a smoker...I would not even consider dating a smoker…I always knew I would get free again! So sorry Dale…xo

[Michwoman]

I'm sorry Dale. It's like I have told many people it's lke this:

You take two shirts, one is perfectly clean and one is filthy with dirt and oil and grease. Now mix them together. What happens? Does the dirty shirt become clean? NOOOOO. The clean shirt gets dirty.

It's really not hard to figure out. My last quit was blown because I was in love with a smoker and I wanted to join him. He was mad at me for starting again but I am a "big girl" and can make my own choices. That's what I told him and the rest is history.

[freedom-38]

It's so true. I dont know anyone who smokes anymore.

What I do know is that smokers are miserable people and they cant stand it when people conquer the addiction and quit.

Smokers are always offering up smokes.

It's so mean and rotten!!

Sorry to hear this story Dale.

[Stac2]

Ouch.  So sorry Dale but I really appreciate you sharing.   For someone still in NML reading things like this really helps me keep my guard up.  Thank you.

PS - we have a new joiner Dsspurdens.  He posted on my page and befriended me.  I gave him some advice but if you have time to reach out to him too that would be super.  Sounds like he may be a serial quitter who needs some big time help.  Joyeaux, Thomas, other awesome family members have reached out but I have this feeling you will be able to help this man too.

Thank you VERY VERY MUCH.

[Patty70]

Hello dale. What a powerful blog.  It tells me that I need to always be aware of my drug additction to nicotine and protect my quit.

I remember going to my son's apartment about 6 months after I had quit. He was still smoking back then. I was so saddened by the smell of the apartment and even his dog (just like my poor kitty when i chose to smoke indoors for a few months before I found my forever qyuit).  whgat made me sad was the sudden knowledge that came to me that i just could not be around the smoking - my own son.  .  thankfully he is strong in his quit.

[lindan_7-14-10]

JUST DO IT...YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wishingstar]

Dale  I'm sorry about your  friends. Some of us married to smokers. I smoked when I met him.  Some have stoped, because the first one made it.  So I will do it , I pray that he fallows. Mom and dad have been married 42 yeaas. Mom use to smoke. Dad still does. To this day  23 years ago mom never light up .  We been together 14 years.  I would agree, I pray I Idont have to. find an other person. But if I was single I would not look for a smoker. 

[Giulia]

I watched The Days of Wine and Roses last night.  Exactly what you're talking about ('cept their addiction is alcohol).  I don't know though, Dale.  My husband and I both smoked.  He quit on a dime many MANY years prior to me (when his best friend called and said he had Lung cancer.)  Husband had no trouble staying so.  I don't know... if he started again - would I?  If I were single and met a smoker whom I was attracted to - would I start smoking again?  I don't know.  Obviously it's better not to head in that direction.

But I DO know that I would have to go into the relationship with extra addiction guards set up.  I've been fortunate these past 7 years in that I haven't been in situations where there are a lot of smokers around.  Most people I know have given them up by now.  And I haven't been to any opening night or closing night parties where the booze is flowing and the reserve is weakened and smoking is allowed. 

I hope I've learned enough by now to know where the traps and pitfalls are.  I hope I've learned enough to understand the nature of this addiction but espectially my own relationship to it.  My own weakness for it.  I THINK I've learned how to protect myself against this addiction.  Part of that protection is coming on here on a regular basis to reinforce what I've learned....by readiing blogs,  offering support, and just watching the struggles of others.  I think it's when you lose your "mindfulness" when you stop thinking about the magnificence of your quit - that you become again vulnerable to it.   Without warning bells set up in our minds and shields in place - we are as fragile as a newborn quitter no matter how many years smoke-free we have under our belts.  Else we wouldn't see these 8, 10, 20 year quitters starting again at day 1. 

I know how much it hurts when those you love have blown their quits.  Especially when you were in the the same lifeboat together.  It grieves the heart.  And I feel for you. 

[Linda239]

Dale, sorry so late with this comment.  I just now read this while looking over some of the blogs.  I am so sorry that they both started back smoking.  I am only at day 182 of my quit, but I am so glad I did.  I have never regretted it nor do I want to start back.  I am too scared of what can happen to me by smoking.  I know any one can say they are quit and the next thing you know, they are back to their addiction.  When ever I get an urge to smoke, I always think of both you and Joy.  Both of you have helped me so much.  I am so very glad I found both of you.