For the Serial Quitters Out There

[Giulia]

What it is about the commitment to quitting that you're not willing to accept?  Because THAT’s really why you are a serial quitter.  There is something about the journey that you simply are yet unwilling to accept.  MOO (my opinion only).

And if you want your freedom from this addiction, you have to accept ALL that the journey entails.  Sorry.  But true.

Attitude can make a great deal of difference in your perception of the journey, and hence your ability to overcome the various obstacles.  But you have to accept, that in order to move past the discomfort level to the point of no return - putting a cigarette in you mouth, holding a vape to your lips, chewing on a chaw - has to become a non-option, whatever your attitude.

So in-depth self-analysis is necessary.  Again I ask, what is it about the commitment to quit that you are unwilling to accept?  Is it the discomfort?  If so, then understand that the immediate discomfort will lessen as time goes by.  Will it be over entirely?  In my 14 year experience of maintaining a quit - the answer is NO.  You are going to have days along the journey, maybe several in a row, maybe even a whole month where you’re being pestered by your addicted brain.  So what?  If you’ve accepted the journey “So WHAT!” can be your only response IF you want to move past the constant re-plays.  Else then there will always be a "Well, but..." in your thinking and another Day One in your scenario instead of a Day Won!

So in order to succeed at this, you need to  #1) determine what it is about the commitment that you’re unwilling to accept and  #2) discover the key to your acceptance.  Wholehearted, in-your-cells, in-your-bones acceptance.  Unequivocal acceptance.  Not intellectual acceptance.  Emotional acceptance.  When you truly "get it" you'll understand exactly what I mean by that.  

I can speak of this because I’m going through just that kind of a period where I have been wanting a cigarette like crazy. I don’t need (at this stage of my quit), to try to figure out WHY I’m having these cravings.  I just accept them, and understand that it’s simply part of my journey.  And you know what?  It’s not fun.  (Though the good part is, it keeps me very aware of what newbies go through in their early stages.)  I don’t LIKE this gnawing in my gut that reminds me of Day One.  But again I say SO WHAT?!  I’m not about to go to the store and buy a pack of cigarettes. That’s simply not an option in my world any more.  If it is in yours, and you don’t want to be a serial quitter - then you need to figure out how to make smoking a non-option in YOUR world.

I know there is a major head game being played with you serial quitters.  The difference between the successful quitter and the serial quitter is that we don’t allow the head games to impact our commitment to our quit and our maintenance of it.  We may have the same, or similar,  triggered responses, the same gnawing in our guts when cravings arise - we just acknowledge them, accept them as part of the journey and turn our attention in a different direction.

And a VERY GOOD direction to turn one’s attention to when going through a fragile quit time is to get on here and READ and READ and READ.  Because reading reinforces our commitment.  And so does responding on others' blogs/conversations.  Giving support is almost as important to a quit as receiving it.  Those of you who have been here for years understand exactly what I mean by that.

All you serial quitters here know why you need to stop smoking/vaping, know that it’s not good for our bodies, not the wisest choice. Until you accept the commitment - no matter what - you will be on that gerbil wheel all your life.  Condemned by your own lack of commitment, to begin another Day One over and over and over.  Until the time may come when it’s past the point of no return regarding your health options.

Please don’t wait ‘til then. Yes, quitting is hard.  But remaining quit is easier once you get to a certain point.  You simply MUST be willing to hang in until that point occurs.  Getting a diagnosis that limits your living options and quality of life is the least happy scenario.

Please quit.  Please hold onto it.  Please learn that you CAN be free.

[YoungAtHeart]

I can only wish I had your wisdom and the courage to share it.

Thank you for being you!

Nancy

[JustSharon]

And you know I'm an admitted serial quitter. I'll get it one day, Guilia. Thanks for a well written informative blog, with all its wisdom and expertise.

[Mandolinrain]

This is like a sour super. YOU gave me this very advise a few years ago, and I finally took it seriously. You, Nancy, Dale, SKYGIRL, got me to where I am today because you all kept after me. I am so grateful. then, JENNIFER  jumped in. I hold YOU ALL accept table for my success. LOVE YOU ALL. Giulia...your the best! LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

[freeneasy]

I'll never be a cereal quitter. I love Cheerios too much to ever give them up (;

[gardenancy8]

lmao 

[MePlus3]

Ha I like that!

[gardenancy8]

FANTASTIC Blog Giulia!   Coming to this site for support and reading and also putting in my thoughts, helps a great deal, I think almost makes the difference for me between a success and a failure!   Reading here has taught me so so much, I have an idea of what to expect on this journey, and the tools to keep my quit safe!  Us quitters need to see it like it is, this is a killer addiction! 

[MePlus3]

 Just what I needed! You know as I failed today I was thinking what is it that keep me falling for the calling? It doesn't feel any different why did I do it and why didnt I take this quit as serious as the last one? This is a great direction to go mentally answering the question in this blog will be the answer to all my questions regarding relapsing! Thanks G! I'll be thinking on this tonight and thereafter in these beginning days of my quit so that this one can be protected. Ever heard the phrase "the truth shall set you free" yep that's the case here being honest with ourselves.

[Giulia]

You do have my wisdom, for it is the same as yours.  And you do share it all the time, Nancy. That's the gift of this site.  That we each share our wisdom in the only way we can - by our own truths expressed through our own particular journeys in the desperate hope that it will give someone more life through freedom from this addiction.

[Giulia]

"sour super"   I LOVE THAT!  Kind of like taking the horrid tasting medicine to make you well?!  Now it's all cherry flavored or some masking happifying thing to remove the bitter.  In the "old days" there was no masking thing.  Truth is, quitting is bitter.  It doesn't taste good.  But you can mask it with commitment and an attitude adjustment and re-focusing and finding ways to overcome the bitter parts.  That's part of the necessary homework. You don't have to be a victim to this addiction. You just have to figure out your emotional sticking place to your quit.

[Giulia]

It IS a killer addiction.  Not only physically but psychologically.  If we can conquer the psychological part, the behavioral part, the "victim mentality part" - we become free.  Because, to my mind, it's not the nicotine addiction (for all it's feel- good boost and receptors and seratonin and dopamine and...  I "get" all that.  And I  readily buy into that scientific knowledge and.... accept that it's true.  

But on the OTHER HAND -  and I think the more weighty hand of this addiction,  is the psychological, behavioral aspect of it.  That's why NRT's don't work for everyone.  Or E-cigs.  NRTs help, but then you have to  wean yourself off the NRT.  E-cigs - present the hand-to-mouth behavioral aspect all smokers need to also wean themselves off.

It's about US and how we perceive life, how we are able to commit or not, how much we want to change, grow, how desperate we are to stop smoking,  But especially how much work we're willing to put in to achieve that which we so long for - freedom from this addiction.  

God - if we had the ultimate answer of how to beat this addiction - well, then there would be no more smokers and no more need for an EX site.

[Giulia]

Kimberly, (my opinion only here) mentally answering the question in this blog will NOT be the answer to ALL your questions regarding relapsing.  It will only be ONE answer to that question.  You've been falling from the calling for a long time.  You've been fighting for this since last July.  That's a LONG time.  There's something you're not getting.  I don't know what it is, but I suspect that you do know what it is.  What I mean by that is that I suspect the better part of you understands what's necessary to  overcome this addiction.  The other part of you just needs to agree to it.  I think that's the "truth" that shall set you finally free.

[Jennifer-Quit]

I remember trying to quit almost from the time that I first became addicted.  How sad.  I only had one serious go at it - some time around 2002 - I quit for a little over 2 years.  So I suppose I was a serial quitter also except there were years between my attempts instead of days or weeks.  The difference for me this time is this site--the people here and the education about this addiction that I have received because of this site.  I realize that I can never be a happy smoker again.  So I choose to be an Ex-smoker.  We can only try to help others "get" it and hope they do before it is too late.  Thanks for all you do here Giulia - Very much appreciated!

[Sootie]

First of all---I want to say that I have the GREATEST respect for Giulia, Dale and Mike n @lanta. Right now, they remain the longest active elders on this site. They are all willing to speak the truth even when it causes a........................ruckus! God! I've missed that word!

But if I might add something as a "mid level" elder.........sometimes, the thought is expressed on here that "we learn from every relapse". I'm not all knowing, so maybe that is true. But, my own opinion is that after too many relapses (and no, I don't have the magic number) all we are learning is to relapse. We begin to tell ourselves....well, ok, I'll have one and I'll start again on Tuesday or next month or on my birthday. And so it continues until maybe, we never decide to quit at all.

So while I understand relapse and certainly would never "condemn" anyone for it........there is a real danger in too many. That is why Giulia in her way, Dale in his, Mike in his and ALL of us try so hard to get everyone to STAY QUIT.

Let's all look for success today.

Stay Strong.

JonesCarpeDiem

‌Mike.n.Atlanta‌

[freeneasy]

I only had one relapse before. I was 24 or 25 and had quit for about 4 years before I started to smoke again. If I did that again now I would be in my mid-90s before I quit again  /:

[bonniebee]

I was a serial quitter but the real bad thing about my relapses was the amount of time it took for me to gain the courage,or the desire or the enthusiasm to quit again for many years and meanwhile the addiction was poisoning and hurting my body ! 

I always say learn from your relapses not because I think one needs them or plans them but because they are there and we should always learn by our mistakes as much as we can .

[bonniebee]

love your humor !!!

[Christine13]

Yep, you're right G.  Part of me didn't want to accept that I needed to make a change and actually do the work involved.  For many years I was on that hampster wheel starting and stopping. This is an excellent blog.  I'm committed    

to staying quit.  It still scares the crap outta me, knowing how many times I've relapsed.

I hope I've finally "got" it.

[TerrieQuit]

Giulia, right from the heart' I love it and you. You said something that means a lot to me. As many of you know I have an "ism" and belong to another program and one of their sayings is "you've gotta give it away to keep it"

which is basically what you said "Giving support is almost as important to a quit as receiving support." Those of you who have been here for years understand exactly what I mean by that.

I very firmly agree with that! Thanks for this great post, Giulia!

[Bree19]

Whahahaha!!!

[elvan]

Beautiful, Giulia.  I WAS a serial quitter and it was the emotional acceptance that was lacking. I did not think I could possibly deal with my naked emotions without smoking, smoking cloaked them so that I did not have to really feel them.  I have learned so much since I quit and most of it has been about myself.

I could not be happier to be an EX!

Thank you.

Ellen

[ChangoGrande]

Thank you for saying it like it is!  I recently quit, and as far as I'm concerned, I'm done with smoking.  And I really wish that what you said here in your blog was the mantra at all the quit-smoking sites, blogs, FB groups, etc.  

And yes, I do get giving support and helping others--but, as you said above, if your'e a serial quitter, figure out what is blocking your acceptance of quitting before you quit again.  And then I'll be able to truly help you, because you are really ready to accept that help.

And yes, I know--simple, but not easy.

So I will give a very short version of my story, in case someone may think, "Well, yeah, easy for you to say, if you just quit recently."   Here's the pertinent details--

I have quit smoking twice in my life--

--summer of '78....quit smoking, alcohol, drugs--all the same day....no program(s), and Al Gore hadn't invented the internet yet, so no online support

--did not smoke another cigarette until 24 years later

--started drinking again about a year after that, quit in 5 months because that was not going in the right direction; no program; have not had another drink since

--started with crack cocaine a month after quitting alcohol, almost died within 3 months--quit that with a program, primarily AA; have not had drugs again since

--still kept smoking, thinking I could stop at any time (just like the first time); knew I needed to quit at least 10 years ago, but wasn't ready, so didn't even try--until I came up with a plan on 04/25/17

--God apparently didn't like my plan, so She/He tricked me into moving up my quit date (that's a good story)

--quit smoking for the second (and final) time on 05/19/17 4:00 am 

Is it hard?  Yes.  But please don't tell me it can't be done.

Eric

[Giulia]

So you've been quit since 5/19?  Closing in in 3 weeks?  Nice.  You've conquered many addictions.  This one must then be "the last frontier."  Then you will have conquered them all right?!    May I touch you when you've bested this last one?!!!   I'm not about to tell you anything except - you CAN.  For, from what you've said, canning is definitely up your alley!  

[elvan]

ChangoGrande  Congratulations on your quit, you really seem to have your ducks in a row, so to speak.  Stick with us, I think you will find that it will reinforce your quit AND you can help others.

Ellen

[ChangoGrande]

Ya, this is the last of the physical addictions.  The hardest of all was giving up sugar, which I had figured out was giving me terrible headaches (haven't had one for about 13 years now).

Of course, I have an addictive personality, so I have to be aware of myself with things like work, surfing the net, etc. Thankfully, I've had a lot of practice over the years with doing the "next right thing" when it comes to my activities.  Took a lot of introspection and discipline, that I can tell you.

Quitting smoking hasn't been too hard (except Day 3!).  I really should have quit sooner, especially since I have ten-year-old twins--but clearly, I wasn't ready.  But it's just like you said in your post above, smoking cannot be an option.  That really makes it easy.  I basically say NOPE and add on "no matter what."  Those three words make all the difference. They don't allow for discussion, so rationalization has no chance.  

And since I know that smoking thoughts aren't up for discussion, it's easy for me to dismiss them in a micro-second (maybe faster, but I don't have anything that can clock them!).  So they never get a chance to get stronger and turn into a craving.  I credit AA a lot for that particular skill and discipline.  That training and practice really kicked in back on 05/12/17, which was the day I decided to quit smoking, set a quit date for one week later, and it was my first quit-smoking "research day."  That was the first time that I heard that smoking is an addiction, not a habit.  And that was basically when I said to myself, "well, if it's an addiction, then I have all the tools and experience that I need to quit."

I laugh about it now, that with all of my addiction history, it had never once occurred to me that smoking is an addiction, not a habit.  I chuckle again as I type it.  And shake my head--that as smart as I am, I had never made that connection.  Crafty devils, these addictions.

Eric

[ChangoGrande]

Thanks Ellen.  Ya, I'm in it for the long haul.

And I do like helping others, when they are open to it.

Eric

[elvan]

Good for you...you certainly have some valuable experience.  My serial quitting was confined to smoking but I am SO glad to be free now.

[ChangoGrande]

Agreed!

[Giulia]

ChangoGrande‌  Totally agree with you.  It's the "no matter what" kicker that kicks this addiction out of the house.

since I know that smoking thoughts aren't up for discussion, it's easy for me to dismiss them in a micro-second

Absolutely.  When you close the door on the option, it makes it so much easier to dismiss cravings.  Because it kind of kills the back-and-forth dialogue in our heads.   I'm glad you're here!  You have much wisdom and insight to offer.  Looking forward to your journey.

[ChangoGrande]

Ditto, Giulia

Onward and upward!

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

Great post Giulia.

I think a lot of people have a problem letting go of the idea that they can never smoke again. They have a lot of association with good times & smoking & feel they'll never have fun again. I personally chose to face quitting head on & enjoy my life as always. Being miserable is not fun but for the most part it is a choice.

KOKO,

M n @

[ChangoGrande]

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

                                                         --Abraham Lincoln

                                                               (although that attribution is doubtful)

[gardenancy8]

I kinda panicked when I first thought of quitting, and that was the reason " never being able to smoke again". That is why I made sure to tell myself,  to only worry about today and then I would  re evaluate at the end of the night.   Well thankfully, at the end of each day I was okay and didn't die from not smoking. lol   I'm okay now with knowing I will never smoke again, because I am mentally and emotionally stronger now!   

[Nymous]

Wow. Great post. For me the association of smoking is not with good times but as a support for bad times mostly. But you make a great point..  "And if you want your freedom from this addiction, you have to accept ALL that the journey entails.  ".. I understand that even though my desire to quit is high my commitment is weak. Hmmmm,..

[Giulia]

 my commitment is weak  So then the question becomes - "how do I make it stronger?"  One of the ways that I found to do that is to really delve into the blogs and replies here.  Sometimes the replies have more impact than the blog itself.  Another way that I found to boost commitment is to support others.  Because every time we respond to someone, it makes us think about our own quit.  Every word we put out reinforces our commitment.  That what's so great about support - it's a two-way street.  

Keep working it.

[MarilynH]

You can quit believe it deep breaths and know that we're all here to help you in any way we can read everything you can about quitting smoking and remaining quit because there's a wealth of information here to strengthen your resolve to kick the nicotine poison to the curb and start living a life of Freedom, believe in yourself and be willing determined and totally committed to succeed and you can and will be successful one precious Smokefree Day at a time or hour minute or even a second at a time once you've done the reading pick your quit date and when your Day ONE arrives keep busy and at the end of the day you'll be able to look yourself in the mirror and smile and say yay for Day WON with many more to come. Nymous

[elvan]

 Nymous, Giulia's point IS EXCELLENT...I, too, was a serial quitter...I honestly lost track of how many times I quit and went back to smoking.  I can tell you that once I completely accepted that smoking does nothing FOR me...my journey was a lot easier.  Unlike you...I smoked through EVERYTHING, good times, bad times, ALL times.  I tried to stuff my feelings down from the beginning of my addiction.  I did not accept myself as who I am and that kept pulling me back.  Smoking does nothing FOR you but I am a poster child for what it can do TO you.

Ellen

[Court09]

I didn't realize there was both kinds of acceptance. I know that I have the intellectual acceptance, but as a serial quitter I know I am missing something. I'm sorry for the bad analogy, but by emotional, do you mean something like when you break free of an abuser and you wish it could be different but you know it's for the best to walk away? I have never considered an emotional attachment aspect....

[Giulia]

Court09 When I say "emotional acceptance,"  I mean a deep personal relinquishment of all excuses, all options, all possibilities, opportunities, reasons, and I guess most important in that list would be HOPES of ever smoking again.  When you relinquish all that, you accept your journey.  And you come at it from a totally different perspective.  And that acceptance settles in your emotional bones.  You lose doubt.  And when you lose doubt you have success. 

It's similar to - when you know something's going to happen before it happens, there's a settling in your cells.  It's when there's such a deep understanding that it is so, that you don't question it.  You know it because you actually feel it.  I don't know how else to explain it.  I've had that experience only a couple of times in my life.  But it was an absolute knowing.  It felt like a gift, that "knowing."  And I felt it rather than experienced it intellectually.  In the case of quitting smoking, it wasn't an instantaneous knowing.  It was a knowing that grew out of my quit experience, out of adhering to my commitment, out of continuing to educate myself and mostly out of listening to those going through the process themselves.  I finally  "got it."  

You can make a commitment for intellectual reasons. "I know smoking is bad for me.  I'm afraid of getting COPD or lung cancer and ending up carrying around an oxygen tank.  I want to stop smoking for my spouse, my parents, my child, my friend...." 

I've never found the lists of intellectual reasons to quit helpful, because the list never changed.  I always wanted to stop for those reasons.  And they were good and valid reasons.  But I still relapsed.  The list always remained the same each time I came back to a new quit.  The benefits of quitting versus the negatives of smoking....   I knew the benefits of quitting I knew the negatives of smoking... didn't really get me to a lifelong quit.  It may have gotten me to Day One, but it never got me to where I am now with a 12 year quit.  

What got me to a 12 year quit?  I think it's truly KNOWING emotionally that smoking will kill me (or at the very least destroy my quality of life).  I believe it.  Wholeheartedly believe it.  Not just intellectually but emotionally believe it.  I feel it.  And  I believe that if I were to go out tomorrow because of a slap-in-my-face craving  and lay money down for pack of cigarettes -  I'd literally be making a decision to destroy my life.  Not maybe, but definitely.  You can't be on this site and read blogs without grasping that quitting really is a matter of life, quality of life and death.  

When you "get it," there's no going back.  And it also makes it so much easier to go ahead.

[redpepper]

Thanks, Ellen. Me naked, period. Naked emotions, Naked spiritual trials. Naked body. Naked relationships and honesty per, etc. All of it. No nudity. I'm not sure how to do this while all bare to myself and the world. It's an awful lot of reality. But I'm trying. How many times did you quit over how long a period? Or, does it really matter, I wonder? Why do I even want to know? Here's how hard I'm trying to give myself permission to smoke. Yesterday I spent an hour researching (while eating), "Which is worse for our health, obesity or smoking?" I am not obese. But as much as I am eating, I fear I am on my way. But mostly, I just wanted to smoke. Still do. I'm at one half a second at a time right now. Truly, truly unpleasant. 

[elvan]

redpepper‌ I tried to quit so many times that I lost track.  I did have some short term quits that were sort of successful, I always quit when I was pregnant and I have three kids and had one miscarriage.  I smoked to stuff my feelings because, like you, I could not deal with all of that naked emotion...I could not handle the real me.  My doctor told me that I would have to gain 200 lbs to risk my health as much as smoking was doing...I did not listen and now I have half of each lung left because I had to have both upper lobes surgically removed.  I was so sort of breath that it was terrible...I am STILL short of breath, BUT, I am working out regularly, eating a healthier diet, ALLOWING myself to feel.  Emotions/feelings are normal and they are meant to come out, not to be stuffed.  Smoking is NOT normal and it IS a killer.  No crave ever killed anyone...no matter how long it seemed to last.  Let go of the crave...allow it to wash over you and allow yourself to feel.  Embrace your feelings...no matter what they are.  That is how we grow.  We never learned to deal with our emotions gradually, when we were SUPPOSED to be growing up.  It's okay to be angry, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be incredibly happy or incredibly relieved.  Smoking doesn't help ANYTHING!  This does get easier, I promise.

Ellen

[Juliejules2456]

I’ve quit so many times and went back. It’s almost as if I have amnesia to all the reasons that I wantEd and needed to quit. I know it’s going to be better with support from this community and to reach out with HELP if I’m tempted to have one. I know now that it’s never just one and that I can’t control how many cigarettes that I have. If I have a drink I can have one or two and not drink for 6 months but some people can never put a drink to their lips again and that’s what cigarettes are to me. I can never put one to my lips again. It’s an addiction like alcohol or drugs, nicotine is definitely a drug, a bad one. I was supposed to be on day 9 but now I’m on day 1 again. The fight is worth it and the battle will be overcome. Thank you for this excommunity! 

[elvan]

Juliejules2456‌ l NEVER could have kept a quit without the support from this site. I HATED smoking & l tried for YEARS to quit but always went back. I was so disappointed in myself. Over & over & over again. It really does get better with time.

Ellen

[Giulia]

Good.  You've learned something.  That's what this journey is all about - learning.  Learning how much we NEEDED a cigarette or a vape.  Learning that we were addicted to it because of that need.  Learning how to cope without it.  Learning that once we overcome it, yes, we may still be susceptible, but we have the tools necessary to stay free.  Learning that it's a choice.  As you said, Juliejules2456‌  "the fight is worth it."  

[YoungAtHeart]

Juliejules2456      You are NOT alone or unique- nicotine addiction is an ADDICTION - and to an addict, there is never, ever, such a thing as just one   It will lead you back to full-time smoking, maybe not right away, but always.

It's why it's best that you educate yourself on how this addiction works in our bodies and minds, that you continue to change up  routines to reduce the associations with smoking.  Explains why you should not  drink alcohol so your judgment doesn't become impaired to a point you think "just one won't hurt," or "I want to test myself."  Neither will EVER work!

Glad you are here with us.  We can help!

Nancy

[Giulia]

Wanted to just put a link to other material about serial quitting on the site:

The Common Thread for All "Serial Quitters" 

 My response

[CrazyQuitter]

What a great read! Thank you so much! You are quite an advocate on here!