First blog as an Ex.

[noetoez]

My last cigarette was Friday, after work. Today is Tuesday. I am struggling. I write this for myself.

I kind of quit on accident. I had no plan. Still kinda don't. Maybe that is why this is so hard for me. All last week, every cigarette I had left me feeling like garbage. So I just didn't have another one. I never decided which one would be the last. I didn't run out, I still have half a pack. Should probably throw those away. They are there. I know they are there. I don't need to buy more. I'm just not smoking them.

During a global pandemic of respiratory disease, I beat myself up in my mind with every smoke. Now is the stupidest time to be smoking. I've been smoking the last 10 years. All of it was the stupidest time to be smoking. I tried to quit a few times, with varying levels of success. But always with a relapse. This time will be different. This time I am determined.

My anxiety levels are high. I am feeling overly emotional. My chest feels tight. Putting it into words on a blog that maybe no one will ever read... makes me feel better. Last time I tried to quit, it lasted a few weeks. And then I became a closet smoker. Ashamed of my failure. 

I am quitting for my daughter, my husband, and for myself.

I am done sneaking out to "go for a walk" with gum and hand sanitizer in my pockets. I am done hiding behind the garage. I am done feeling like a failure. I am done feeling out of breath. I am done with smoker's cough. I am done paying money for something that doesn't make me happy. I am done allotting time to do something that will eventually kill me. I am done smoking.

[Barbscloud]

Brittany, I just answered your other post:

Welcome to the Ex noetoez  Brittany.   Congrats on your quit.   If you haven't do so already, educate yourself about nicotine addiction and create a quit plan My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX .  It's not to late.  These two steps can lead to a successful quit.  

There are two aspects to quitting-the physical and the psychological.  It will take some time.   You've not only eliminated nicotine from your body but a multitude of toxins.  You're body is going to react, but know that it will get easier.   

Nicotine withdrawal symptoms usually reach their peak 2 to 3 days after you quit, and are gone within 1 to 3 months. (1) It takes at least 3 months for your brain chemistry to return to normal after you quit smoking. (2) The last two symptoms to go usually are irritability and low energy.Apr 22, 2020

Most of us have smoked for a long time, so be patient with yourself.  Quitting isn't an event, it's a journey.

Having the support from this site really made difference for me.  We're here for you, so just reach out if you need encouragement or want to share your journey.

Can I suggest posting to "Post to My Blog" so the community gets to know you and can lend their support.

Also, taking the "Daily Pledge" each day is great way to keep you on track one day at a time.

Stay close,

Barb

And yes lots of people will read your post.  That's what we're for.  We want you to be successful.  Keep going for a walk--it really helps with your quit.  Just leave out the smoking part.  You're not a failure.  This is an addiction and it takes work to break free.  The quitters on this site are proof you can do it too.

Keep moving forward.

Barb

[noetoez]

Thank you Barbscloud. I saw your reply. I am used to other social communities where, if no one already knows you, no one looks at anything you post. I see this community is different.

I feel better after typing out how I was feeling. I needed to get it out. When I have tried to quit before, I haven't felt this emotional about it. I don't know if that is a normal experience.

I see others posting about their days, weeks, years free. It gives me hope.  

[RoseH]

You need to make a plan to stay quit...  I am going to private message you the “Quit Kit”...  Do not be alarmed by how you think or feel as it is part of quitting!  The first 7 days is Hell Week.  The next 7 days is Heck Week.  It will get better, I promise!  Look in your message box as as you can.  You can copy and paste it and print it out...  You can do this, and we are all here to help you!  Rosemary

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to the community!

Sounds like you are quitting for all the right reasons, and there are many aren't there?  You might write them down and keep thme with you for when the going gets tough (and it will). This isn't easy in the early days, but you get through them however you can.  I wish you had found us sooner, but it's easy to catch up!  Get reading!!! 

Also, put those remaining cigarettes under running water, smish them up and put them in the trash   Keeping any around is giving yourself permission to fail.

Just as an FYI  - you will realize after you have been quit awhile that gum and hand sanitizer didn't fool anyone into thinking you had quit smoking!  

The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This easy and entertaining read provided a world of good information about nicotine addiction, most of which I was not aware.  I credit it in large part with my success at quitting.   You can search for it online or at your local library.

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

You didn't say if you are using a quit aid, so I will give you my thoughts on them FYI.  If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract.   I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them..  For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum.  For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for obvious reasons.

 The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
 
You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
 https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

 Nancy

[beazel]

Sometimes it is very uncomfortable, but the only way over it is through it.

You have great reasons all lined up - reread them often!

Speaking of reading....there is a wealth of information here about this horrid addiction. My best advice is to educate yourself - read, read, read.

Please throw away that half pack...you don't need them, you don't smoke anymore.

Post often, we are looking forward to sharing your journey with support and understanding.

[noetoez]

Thank you RoseH‌ YoungAtHeart‌ and beazel‌. I definitely have a lot of reading to do. I wish I had found this group sooner, but better late than never. 

I am not using any quit aid this time. I had tried lozenges and gum in the past, they just made me nauseous. Nicotine free vapes just left me thinking about the real thing. I feel mildly awful. But I am staying focused on the fact that the way I feel right now is not the way I will feel forever. 

[Bonnie]

Brittany, this online support group is WAY different.  I read your post and can really relate to the relapsing, the closet smoking, the shame, the guilt.  You will get amazing support here as you walk your freedom path.  I doubt if I would still be an exsmoker without my friends here.  I blogged a lot for myself, too (still do sometimes) but people LISTEN here and RESPOND and ENCOURAGE and EDUCATE and one of the best things is we all have been where you are.  Our stories are different, but our addiction is the same.

All I can say is if you truly want to make this your FOREVER quit, stay close to EX--there's tons of information here, take what you need and leave the rest, blog anytime you want (I often would blog in the middle of the night, just to get the emotion out, and I always got thoughtful and caring comments)--AND STICK THOSE CANCER STICKS UNDER THE FAUCET AND THROW THEM AWAY.  You already have gotten through the first 3 days (HARD) and are halfway through HELL WEEK...you are definitely on your way! 

All you have to do is keep those nasty, expensive, smelly, disease-causing things away from your face.

Simple, but not easy.

We're here and glad to help.  You are not alone.  You can do this.

Bonnie

   ~919 Days of Freedom

[maryfreecig]

Welcome to Ex. Great blog--you spelled it all out. Exers get it. Now you have a quit community rooting for you. Great work getting yourself to quit--keep it going.

[Bonnie]

You sound so much like me!  I tried everything (except vaping, thank God, I think that would have been really hard to wean off of, from what I've read on here).  I would rip off the patch and smoke (dangerous).  My reaction to the lozenges and gum was the same as yours, and my lips were burn or go numb, too.  Cold turkey was the best for me (I wasn't a heavy smoker)....but I definitely had to get rid of anything that was cigarette-related (ashtray, lighters, etc.) and I didn't drink coffee or alcohol for a long time.  Triggers.  Then all you have to deal with is the emotional dependency and the memories of how great they were (false) and establish NEW routines and NEW memories.  Every crave you beat will add to that stockpile and strengthen your quit.  Get your toolbox ready (I used sunflower seeds in the shell and straws).  Find out what works for you.  One step at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time, or even 3 minutes at a time (the average length of an crave).  

[Cousin-Itt]

Welcome to the EX Brittany  Stick with us you will find a lot of good people willing to help you Don't overwhelm  yourself just take it a day a hour a minute at a time.   It will get easier  I promise

Carl

[elvan]

Welcome to EX, it’s pretty rare on this site not to get a supportive response as you begin your journey as well as MANY times along the way. We have all been where you are, some of us too many times to count. We will all tell you that it gets easier as time goes on. The beginning is seriously challenging but you have all kinds of support now, probably more than you could have imagined. Your first blog as an EX is very promising & your attitude is great. You have all kinds of wonderful advice that has been offered, please take it. You CAN make this your “forever” quit!

Again, welcome.

Ellen

[yano.hrndz]

My biggest concern with nicotine replacements was exactly that: just a substitute for smoking that would change hands from one addiction to another. Your post touched base on a lot of my worries surrounding quitting too. I feel like I will have to retrain my mind and body, this time in healthier ways to cope with both anxiety and cravings. Thanks for writing it all out!

[sweetplt]

Hi and Welcome to Ex’s noetoez 

Congratulations on quitting smoking.  I am so glad you found our support site.  Please do the work and readings above me...it will not just help you in your quit journey, but it will keep busy.  Also, please put you first for wanting to quit...You want to Quit for YOU...and make quitting your number one priority, you are worth it.  In the beginning it takes so much hard work and keeping busy and not feeding the addiction.  Keep close to us, we are here to help us...You got this...~ Colleen 590 DOF 

[Barbscloud]

Please read.   It's safe to use and there are many successful quitters on this site that used NRT or medications.

Nicotine Replacement - Yes or No? 

[Christine13]

Welcome to EX, there are many helpful people here to help you on your journey.

[Mandolinrain]

Welcome to Ex, you will find much support here.

[MNVikes1]

I am right there with you! In fact, you sound very similar to myself with your personality. I too am very anxious. I am a mother, wife, and I have thought countless times how stupid it is to smoke during a pandemic. Am I just digging my grave for when/if I do get COVID? I knew I needed to quit soon; for myself and for my family.

You can do this! Just think of not becoming a slave to nicotine any longer and hiding smoking. Giving that smoking time instead to your kids and husband, and YOURSELF!

You can do it, we are all here for you so you are not alone.

Take care!

[YoungAtHeart]

When you do some reading about nicotine and smoking, you will learn that it actually INCREASES your anxiety level.  Do educate yourself on how the addiction affects you!

[indingrl]

 on YOUR NEW NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE - WAY TO GO

[maryfreecig]

The Ex community is here for you everyday to offer support and encouragement. Lots of quitters here get that quitting the nicotine addiction is not a 72 hour event. One day at a time you can do this.

[MNVikes1]

Thank you!

[masoniusc]

Your blog resonates with me.  Especially the self loathing after each smoke, the ridiculousness of trying to hide it from my family, especially the kids.  It was the worst kept secret in the house and even I knew it.  I am 97 days smoke free today and will tell you that I feel great and the temptation to smoke is gone, even around friends that still smoke. However, that wasn't always the case.  And there were definitely some stress-induced close calls from work situations.  I didn't have a set plan until I joined this community.  I found that some info on here resonated with me around the habitual part of my smoking and what triggered me to light up or crave a butt.  Things like driving, waking up-making coffee-smoke, after meals. etc.  Breaking those habits was not easy, but replacing the smoking related to those habits with something else was very helpful.  Once I broke the habits, which took about 2wks, the cravings greatly diminished.  Push through each trigger and find something to replace the habit of smoking in those situations with an alternative ( lolypop, squeezing a stress ball, a quick walk with music, etc.).  It sounds like common sense but I had to gut-out each habit induced smoke with a replacement, and it helped.  Hope this helps.  

[noetoez]

Right now, I do not really know what to do for my work breaks. I've thought about walking but I work in an admin kind of environment. It's over 100 degrees, August will only be hotter, and I wear slacks and blouses. Work, smoke breaks with coworkers, the stop on the way before and after (I quit smoking in the car when my daughter came into the picture. Every commute I allotted extra time to stop somewhere instead), the stop before and after meetings, the first one of the morning, the last one before bed. Those are my struggles. 

[YoungAtHeart]

noetoez Go to a different floor in your building and walk around and around it if there are hallways....or find some hallways in a building close by, or go to a bathroom and just march in place,or do jumping jack motions without really jumping.  Or find a quiet place to sit in the shade, close your eyes for five minutes and just breathe, going slower and deeper with each inhale and exhale.  Or think of girls' and boys' names, or cities/towns for each letter of the alphabet  The idea is to get your mind on something besides smoking during the tough times.  For the before bed one,  maybe a crossword puzzle or coloring book.  For the first thing in the morning, how about a quick walk?  You have extra time now that you don't have to go outside to smoke, and even a 5 minute wake-me-up can feel good.

This WILL get easier, I promise.

[SuzyQ411]

Hi noetoez‌ and welcome to the EX! Your post about missing those "habitual" cigarettes you are used to smoking throughout the day really resonated with me. After I finally got through any physical cravings, I still had to work myself through those cigarettes cravings connected to daily routines.

Over time, I have been able to knock most of them off by using the concepts of delaying the cigarette by diverting my attention to something else to include actions such as chewing gum. Although I have used nicotine gum and losenges during my quit, I also delay or even avoid those by first chewing clove gum.

As a prior heavy smoker for over 60 years -- I am now 6 months free without even one puff of nicotine--I will be honest and say that I still sometimes miss that last cigarette before bed. Brushing my teeth once the thought comes is helpful to me in getting rid of that urge. I am confident that at some point I will also lose my emotional connection to that cigarette.

As your quit progresses you will come up with new ideas and also adopt the ideas of others as you work toward your goal of becoming smoke-free.  Stay close. Post daily. Continue reading others' posts.

I'm wishing you the best on your journey.