I haven't been on the site in over 24 hours. I was sitting at home doing some work. I had dinner and found myself rushing to clean up the kitchen to have a cigarette because that was my old my routine. I honestly told myself to hurry up and put the dishes away so we can go have this cigarette. It was almost like I was having one of those dreams where I was fully aware of what was going on and yet I knew I was dreaming and didn't want to wake up. Kind of hard to explain. Anyway, usually I have been able to shake off the urges pretty easily. A stick of Dentyne gum and a peppermint usually did the trick. For some reason, I didn't want to even fight it, but wanted to fool myself into believing I was really going to have a smoke in about 5 minutes. Of course all of this happened in about 60 seconds but the urge afterwards lasted for a lot longer. This was by far the biggest urge I've had in my 13 days of quitting. I had to get on this site and read some of the blogs. I have never believed in any kind of group therapy before, but I see it does work. The urges have subsided and everything is back to normal (somewhat). I'm not sure what caused this sudden urge. It's not like I was ready to go to the store and buy some ciggs, but had I been at a bar and someone was smoking one, I probably would have bummed a smoke. I feel bad to even admit that. This addiction really sucks. I am so looking forward to the day when I won't even give a second thought to cigarettes. I hate these things. Thank you all for sharing your stories (good and bad) and for those who were brave enough to tell of their relapses. You have given strength to all of us. I feel like a broken record in my blogs, but I know for a fact I would have never had the strength to remain a quitter had it not been for this site. Again, thank you all and thanks to those that created this site. God bless you all!
