Fighting my inner demons

[kseller421]

So, My quit date was a failure. The date came and went and I think I might have made it 3 days without a cig. For the past few months I have battled and battled the thoughts, excuses, desire, hate, pleasure, and all the demons in my head going back and forth between smoking/not smoking. Im not really sure what made this month different but Ive decided to quit and stick to it. Ive said this before but this is the longest I have ever went without a cig. I started on the 1st. The withdrawals have been literally unbearable. I feel like I have a very addictive personality. My mother was a severe addict to several different drugs. Maybe genetics come into play. I dont know if its mental or not but I have cold sweats, nausea, dizzineess, trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, I am like a monster eating everything in sight. These withdrawals are terrible. I literally think about smoking about every 30 minutes. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. ugh Im trying so hard. the battle is almost to much to withstand.

Trying to hang in there.---Fayth

Peace & Love 42

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Many of your symptoms sound normal.  they will be over in 2-3 weeks. The memories of smoking, the emotions connected to it, those connections take time to unlearn.

Stay with it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Jennifer-Quit]

The only way out it through.  Those six little words say it all when it comes to beating this addiction.  Each and every one of us successful quitters have been exactly where you are right now.  You must believe me when I say that it does get better - you just have to be willing to give it the time that it takes to get there.  Best wishes to you!

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

Re: "The withdrawals have been literally unbearable."

The withdrawals have been figuratively unbearable, i.e. they have been very annoying.  Literally, they are quite bearable.  If you were locked in a prison cell with no cigarettes for a week, you would not perish.

"I feel like I have a very addictive personality."

Excuse #1:  It has little to nothing to do with your personality.  Nicotine is a highly addictive substance, regardless of your personality.  You are addicted to nicotine, period.

"My mother was a severe addict to several different drugs. Maybe genetics come into play."

Excuse #2:  Addictive drugs are addictive drugs, hence the adjective addictive.  As far as I know, no species of any creature has ever been born with a lit cigarette in its mouth.  Hence, that your mother was addicted to several addictive substances does not condemn you to continue being an addict either.  The decision to feed your addiction is your choice, not your mother's.

"I don't know if its mental or not but I have cold sweats, nausea, dizzineess, trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, I am like a monster eating everything in sight."

Withdrawal creates genuine physical symptoms that vary from person to person but can include all of the symptoms you describe.  They are not mental ... they are your brain signaling your body that it wants some dope.  The physical symptoms will disipate within the first couple weeks.  Beyond that, it does become a bit of a mental game as you will continue to want to deal with life as you always have previously, i.e. by lighting a cigarette for a 40 minutes timeout from life.

"These withdrawals are terrible. I literally think about smoking about every 30 minutes. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life."

If it was easy, everyone would do it.  You are an addict.  Your brain no longer functions naturally.  It will take time to restore itself back to its natural condition.  The cravings do become fewer and farther apart as time passes, not to mention less intense.  It's a matter of time.  It may actually be be the far the hardest thing you have ever done in your whole life, but it is also one of the few things you will do in your whole life on which your life depends.

"ugh Im trying so hard. the battle is almost to much to withstand."

Keep struggling.  Almost too much to withstand is not the same as too much to withstand.  I, and countless others, are here to tell you that we were in your shoes and we lived to tell about it.  Keep stacking the days.  Lot's of deep breaths, plenty of cold water, keep busy, stay distracted, sleep when you have nothing else you can do, keep a straw around through which to breath or mints, or lemon drops for oral stimulation.

"Trying to hang in there"

Ultimately, its not about trying, its about doing.  Make the commitment and just do it.  I'm rooting for you and wish you ultimate success!

[djmurray]

Puff said it all, and I will only add that sticking your head in the freezer and taking a deep breath also helps.  Attitude is everything, and if you feel like you're giving up something of value, it will be much harder.  You can do this.

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome back to our community!

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. Here is a link to a free PDF version of it:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

As well, read the sections on this site, and read the blogs, responses and pages of folks you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com and quitsmokingonline.com for the good information contained there. You should also do the tracking and separation exercises suggested on this site

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around your head alone.  Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[TerrieQuit]

Hello! When I first quit, like the first two weeks it was all I could think about. It was a minute to minute thing. Someone suggested Mentholated cough drops as they numb your mouth slightly and give you something to suck on. I also took alot of walks! Hang in there! It really does get better! I promise!

122  DOF

[joyeuxencore]

I totally remember feeling like you do and having all those same symptoms & craziness. PAR for the course, totally normal and you just have to suck it up and walk through it...you will reach the other side. The light at the end of the tunnel is YOU. xo

[kseller421]

Thanks for all yalls advice and responses. I only said the part about the "addictive personality" because it is scientifically proven that genetically some people truly are born with more addictive tendencies. My mother succumbed to her addiction and passed away from an overdose in 2010. So no her addiction does not affect my choice to smoke. Its completely different. At the same time however, my role model, my main guide, my ultimate caretaker was unable to step away from her addiction. I cant help but feel a little like her. I mean she did raise me for the 19 years that I was blessed to have her here. I have alot of emotional things to deal with. I think that included in my inner demon battle is the question of whether I want to have an extended life or not. This question becomes quite hard for people such as myself that struggle with depression and self esteem issues. Ever since I lost my parents in 2010 things have never been the same. I know thats just excuses. I do truly feel that you have to love yourself enough to not want to contaminate your body with cigs. Im still working on that aspect of this journey. Again thankn you for all the advice. Im still smoke free. It truly helps me just to get on here and express my thoughts and feelings about some stuff. I dont really have that many outlets in my life. Thank you for taking the time to listen.

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

I hear you K.  I grant that some individuals may be more prone to addiction than others.  As you suggested, though, ultimately it is your decision whether or not to feed the addiction.  Once addicted, I don't think being more prone to addiction makes it more difficult to beat the addiction than it is for any other addict, and there are a lot of people here as addicted as you who have beat the addiction.  Heck, there are people here who smoked longer than you've been alive who have beat this thing.  You can beat it too.

I think you will be surprised how, if you are able to face down this demon, others will scramble away for fear of the new you.  Quitting smoking truly is empowering.

I'm truly sorry to hear about the loss of your parents.  I know they would be proud that you are here seeking help and we are all here to help and support you on your journey to freedom, should you choose to continue that direction.

Be successful.  Be well.