Feelings

[CessFinally]

The prickly uneasy anxious feeling is coming over me. I can go the first few days as I have hundreds of times before then the almost push becomes more intense. My husband is a smoker and I have no support so I found this site. He is just like, "you have done this a hundred times and failed every time. You will fail again." Will I? Trying to overcome....

[JonesCarpeDiem]

This all comes down to willingness and time.

You cannot fight yourself over whether to smoke or not over and over and win.

I've studied this process for nearly nine years and I've come to the conclusion that most people who give in and go back to smoking do so in the first 130 days.

So, are you willing?

Are you willing to give it the time it takes?

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Will he help you or be your enemy?

Does he care about you?

Does he care about your health?

Does he care about your self esteem?

If he cares, he won't tempt you by smoking in front of you or leaving his smokes out in plain sight until after you get through the 130 days.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

have a talk with him and ask him if he will help or hinder you. Ask him if he will smoke outside, etc...

Here's what I wish I knew 8+ years ago when I quit

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-...

[Deena-A-Yenni]

jonescarp aka dale is the professional and has given the best advice.  In addition, you could continue to blog here before you light that cigarette.  Also, go to jonescarp aka dale's page and have a read.  It always put my mind in perspective and I felt empowered.  I hope the read will do the same for you.

[froguelady]

I imagine he is afraid he is going to lose a smoking partner, therefore he wants to believe you will fail. You can suceed and we can help, all the support you need is right here at EX. I smoked 54 years and with the help and knowledge I was given here I have been smoke free 41/2 years. You can do this. Please go to Dale's page, he has so much info on what to expect and how to overcoe craves. Anytime you feel you are overwhelmed come to EX and blog for help and you will recieve the support you need.

BTW, welcome to EX site, we are happy you are here.

Betty

[Eric_L.]

I have the right to not be taken for granted.

My wife smokes but she's usually keeps them in her purse and certainly, even if she does smoke in the car or around me makes an effort to be respectful.

My wife isn't the problem.  It's me. 

I'm a low-bottom smoker at middle age that would pick cigarette butts up off the ground or out of ashtrays, etc.  Usually mine or my wifes or someone I know.  But still, that's insane.  So, if she puts a butt on the ground outside and I'm tempted to smoke it is that her fault?  Philosophy, right!

You hang out here.  If I can quit anybody can.

I let it all hang out, here.

You can do this.

Look at my blogs from a few months ago.  I assure they are not the thoughts of a sane person.

You can do this.

Fighting and arguing with my spouse is part of life.

You can do this.

[jonilou]

Welcome, I think if you investigate, you'll find that a lot of the successful quitters here, have spouses, or significant others that are still smoking. As Eric says, it's really up to you. Please check out Dale's advice above also. It is excellent.

[amanda_100]

Wow - that's got to be a really tough situation. But remember that you have support on this site. Keep coming on here, do the reading, and share your feelings. We're all in different stages, but everyone understands that this is one of the most important decisions of YOUR life (not your husband's life) and you should be proud of yourself in making it!

Amanda 25 DOF

[CessFinally]

Thank you for your input. Jonescarp aka dale: That is a really profound statement. "You cannot fight yourself over whether to smoke or not over and over and win." You are right, how can you fight with yourself and win?  Am I willing? I am an addict and I am reaching out so it is a step. Can I do it this time is the million dollar question. I have tried even the best of meds and it is my own mind and habit that is my enemy. That cigarette is my "pacifier" in my own head. No, the support is not there and it does make things much tougher. I will study on the first four months text. Deena: Thank you and I will read the jonescarp aka dale page. Maybe I am all messed up and insecure but I do think other active smokers at least in my life want you to fail that it why I do not want to go on Facebook and say hey, everybody! I have a history of failing and as stupid as it sounds it makes me feel bad and mad at myself and even harder if everyone else knows I failed too. So that is me. Now that you know my insecurities I have to be positive. I look to you for support. If I can go here for encourgement it will be great. Please be encouraging if you can. Browbeating does not seem to help me it just makes me sad.

[Giulia]

Your quit has nothing to do with your husband's attitude.  Or anybody else's.  It all resides within you and YOUR attitude alone.  As you wisely say above, "is my own mind and habit that is my enemy"  Habits can be changed pretty easily, actually.  By reading the material on here you will learn ways to do that.  Smoke with the other hand, smoke in a different place, alter your triggers (tea in stead of coffee for example).  Have you already quit or is your date coming up? 

Our worst enemy is our mind.  It can also be our best supporter.  It takes a while to train our minds to focus on things OTHER than the elephant in the corner.  Stress is one of the most powerful relapse traps.  Alcohol is too.  But alcohol we can abstain from until our quits are secure.  Stress is not something from which we can abstain, but we CAN learn to control our reaction to it.  Cigarettes actually cause stress within our bodies, but we've been brainwashed into thinking otherwise.  The same brainwashing is true of believing and feeling  that cigarettes are our "comfort."  They're not.  They're a bunch of chemical laced tobacco particles rolled up in some white paper.  They don't have arms with which to hold us, nor shoulders upon which to cry.

The more you read on here, the more you will learn to employ the tools necessary to overcome this addiction.  Toss out the failure thoughts and suck up the I CAN thoughtss.  We KNOW you can do this.  Because we have.  And you are no different than the rest of us when it comes to this addiction.  Have heart! 

[elvan]

It sounds to me like your husband is terrified of you stopping and feeling as though HIS addiction is threatened.  I have friends who supported me in the very beginning but who pulled back their support because I was successful.  I quit countless times, the difference THIS time was education and support and my willingness to feel some discomfort knowing that it would not kill me but that smoking was doing a really good job of trying.  I smoked for 47 years with a few breaks for pregnancies and failed quits, now I have not smoked for 586 days...I do not regret, for one second, quitting, I only regret starting and that it took me so long to quit.  

Listen to the people here, you CAN be successful and you CAN hold your head up high and tell your husband that this is a whole NEW quit and that you know it is possible!!

[Terri103]

Hey, you have met the queen of insecurites!  please don't take my title away from me!!  You have gotten a good sampling of people here on EX that stopped fighting ourselves and decided to just be willing to go thru the process.  I did something crazy this time, because I really did want it to be my last time.  I told everybody I was quitting.  I announced it on Facebook---hello?  all my family, cousins, aunts, nephews....!!!  So for once, I was either going to be a public success or a public "can't hide from this one" failure.  So there you go.  When I was at my weakest in the quit, I would be so mad at myself that I did that, but I came here and got advice, support, hung around until the crave or urge went away.  So I have been able to keep my quit.  I am 132 days in, so I still have to be careful.  I know that if I bum just one cigarette, I am done for.  It is an addiction, but it can be fought and won.  There is lots to read that will help you work thru all the mental games.  Hey, and I have many times commented that in some ways, a cigarette is an adults version of a pacifier or thumb.  IF you think you need something for your mouth, and a straw or toothpick don't work...go buy a binkie....at least for home!!  I can't imagine you will become an addict on that!!!   Pull up and chair, and together we can help you show your husband that you Can succeed!!!  

[Junior7]

Welcome!  So glad you are here!

[CessFinally]

Thank you. I believe that I have a chance of being successful with your support. I am responsible for my smoking. No one else.  But it will be nice to be able to have input from people that are like me. People that have felt that cigarettes really do have a pull on you. It is not imaginary. It really isn't. Forgive my craziness as I reach out to you!

[elvan]

Your "craziness" is nothing we have not all felt.  We all stuffed our feelings into our cigarettes and once we quit, we actually FEEL those feelings without numbing ourselves.  This is VERY real.  There is nothing imaginary about addiction.  Glad you are here.  Glad ALL of us are here.

[lois2]

welcome stay close to the site, just say you don't care if your hubby smokes. be stronge is this quit what you want/? if so do it my friend.