After 105 days, I'm still not feeling very strong in my quit. I hesitated to write this blog because I don't want to scare people who have less time than I do. This has been my first serious attempt at quitting. In previous attempts, I may have made it three days at the most. Everytime I see someone relapsing on this site, I get terrified. My mind goes to this place: "why am I so special that this first serious attempt could be my forever quit"? I also understand that this is my addiction speaking to me and maybe I am trying to give myself an exuse to relapse? Cognitively, I KNOW I don't want to smoke. It makes me sick to think how my life was controlled by cigs for so long. But emotionally, this is hard. I know all the practical things to do so I don't smoke. I guess I'm just feeling weak today and I'm blogging because it is one of the things that usually helps me. I'm feeling sad and tearful today and maybe it has nothing to do with cigarettes or no cigarettes. Life is like this for everyone--up and down even if you never picked up a cigarette in your whole life. Stacking up my days even on the bad days. CP
