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Share your quitting journey

Expectations, Timelines and the Reality YOU Create

Giulia
Member
13 34 799

What happens when your expectations don’t happen?  Do you keep on - or give up?  “But they said the cravings would lessen after....”  

 

We’re not lying to you.  The craving DO lessen.  The problem is you don’t realize it, because it's a subtle process.  You think that after X number of days you’re suddenly gonna pass a magic timeline of cravings and they'll all disappear.  Not so.  They ease and ebb and grow and flow and ebb again.  That is the nature of cravings and also the nature of this quitting journey. 

I personally thought that I’d suddenly reach a moment when ALL CRAVINGS WERE OVER, DONE, GONE!  And Yippeee!  Wish I could tell you that was the case, but it ain’t.  WHEN DOES IT GET EASY?????? 

 

We give you these happy points of reference (3 days, a week,  No Man’s Land...)   to keep you going in your quit.  To keep you hopeful.  To keep you psychologically eager and active in pursuing the positives along the way.  


There are monumental crossings that we are unaware of in life  When we cross the Continental Divide (in New Mexico) do we grasp it in any way but intellectually?  Do we feel it?  No.  When we cross the International Dateline in a plane do we sense it?  No.

Every newbie wants to know HOW LONG??? will it take???  It takes as long as it takes.  For You.  The question you need to ask and answer for yourself is:  ”Am I willing to hang on as long as it takes?  No matter what?”    If you aren’t -   you won’t make it.  Truth.  ‘Cause that’s what it takes.  Each quit is different.  Some fight the process longer, some accept the rite of passage sooner, some didn’t make a strong enough preparation, some come to a stress crisis and blow it.  But ALL successful long-term quitters have accepted that it will take as long as it takes to get to that place of Freedom.  And they persevered, no matter what.

How long will it take to get over the cravings?  To get to the point where you can say “I’m free” - there is no specific time.  Because this is a journey.  Not an event.  The day you put them down is THE EVENT.  The day after that begins your journey to freedom.

And that journey is incredibly empowering.  IF and only IF you want it to be.  Otherwise it can be a journey of merely hope, whining, loss and relapse.   Your quit journey is as YOU make it.   You’re in charge.  Truly.  We can help to try to attract your mind to the positives of it, and distract your mind from the negatives - but ultimately it’s up to you.  If you want to dwell in whining mode, you will.  If you want to get over it ASAP - you will.  If you read the blogs here you will learn of the type of mindset that leads toward success and the mindset that attracts failure.  The difference is as clear as day.

   

What’s your choice?  IN (with all the costs) or OUT with all the excuses and  relapses and ‘wish I had,’ ‘wish I could,’ ‘back again," ‘I know better,’ ‘praying that THIS time...’...  

My point is - be proactive, take the reins, don’t let yourself be a victim to your addiction.  Choose the way you want to experience quitting.   When you understand that quitting is a choice - and part of that choice is in how you view it -  you’ll know YOU are in control.  Hang in!
 

34 Comments
SkyGirl
Member

My dearest G, this is a wonderful blog.  Absolutely spot-on.  The last paragraph is brilliant.

Newcomers, listen to Giulia.  She KNOWS.  And if you listen to her, YOU will also know.

Love you, G, and can't wait to see you.

xxxxoooo,   Sky

Laura-12-14-14

I have to agree with being in control. I see it as if someone is thrown into water.... you can panic which gets you no where near your goal, keep your head above water, sink, float or swim. The great part is having survivors like you nearby to rescue or encourage one to safety. Thanks for all you do!

newlife5
Member

yes ,G,yes... you are so right... we dictate our own quit...we say we want to quit but some of us dont beleive we can,or want it handed to us, or just simply dont want to work at it...i know i was one of them...it was so hard to get to that place where smoking was no longer an option... thank you Guilia,.. for all that you do

elvan
Member

SPECTACULAR BLOG, I am blown away, you hit the nail on the head, we all DO wonder when will the craves be gone forever?  When will I know that I have "made" it, no one can answer those questions because we are all SO DIFFERENT.  Our addictions are the thread that binds us, some would say the ROPE.  This IS a journey and it ends when WE end...we can whine and cry and carry on about how "hard" it is when it is seriously as hard as we MAKE it...life is filled with surprises and some of them are amazing and wonderful, some are so challenging that we wonder if we will ever be able to breathe again...not just because of COPD.  It's one day at a time, one step at a time and we get to CHOOSE if we are going to live free or under the control of nicotine.

Thank you for your brilliant blog and your undying support for all of us here!

XO, Ellen

Brenda_M
Member

Great blog, Giulia. This reminds me of when sweet Sammy died. People kept telling me some version of, "It gets easier everyday." And I was counting on that. Well, Day 3 was actually pretty okay. Then, Day 4 was HORRIBLE. And I was FURIOUS. Who did these people think they were, lying to me like that?

Unlike with a quit, though, I couldn't say, well, screw this, then! I'll just give up my grief and take Sammy back! Because if I could have, smh...wouldn't that be great, if I could?

So, yeah! YEAH! Ebbs and flows. Using those as an excuse is simply that, an excuse. You ARE in control!

John10forteen
Member

Spot on!! A little bit of tough love there about making excuses and whining. That's the beauty of this site. Everyone here helped me get past my excuses through supportive compassion, education and yes..... tough love.

What you said about craves is so true and the fact is we have to make it through each and every crave our own way in our own time. That varies greatly and when I was truthful enough to recognize my Ah-HAA moment, my whining and excuses got traded for a pat on the back for myself. BUT the craves did not stop.

BUT, they are so few and far between the ones that do come are now little reminders of victory and strength instead of temptations of failure or longing. 

I beleive a lot of people have to whine and make excuses until they have thier own AH-HAA moment. Like you said, the craves are still there but it's different after the ah-haa moment.

 I loved your blog, it got my gears going this morning.

Legend
Member

Love your blog. Even though I feel like I can remain smoke free I still stay on my guard keeping smokers at a distance and I don’t put myself in situations where I could get triggered.  Some people might think that staying on my guard this much in unnecessary but I don’t think so I know the power of this addiction on me.  I have seen some elders let their guard down and put themselves in bad situations and then they give in to temptation.       

JRC
Member

Thank you for this wonderful blog. I love the word choice because it gives the power back to me. I am in control of one thing when so many things in my life are out of my control.

bonnie-12-28-14

Thank you G being in NML it helps to see things like this!!!!!!!!!

Have a Great Day!!

N.O.P.E.

MarilynH
Member

Every word in this brilliant blog is dead on correct. You definitely hit the nail on the head. I hope everyone will read this especially the new people coming to the site. 

Marilyn 

Storm.3.1.14
Member
And THIS is why you are an Elder to respect. Thanks for the electric blog, Giulia. IN it to WIN it!
smorgy8513
Member

Giulia, I am so grateful to have you in my corner!      I read your words of wisdom time and time again and none of it gets old.....AND it always hits the nail on the head AND it always comes exactly at a time when someone needs it.     

Thank you for all you do here!!!

HUGS!

Sharon

JonesCarpeDiem

there is no end to no mans land for people who are unwilling to let go of smoking. As long as you dwell on smoking it will always be a vulnerable time.

Ms.J_11-10-2013

I can't top anything that hasn't  been said above.  Its kind of like being on the outside looking in some times.  It is a crazy, wild, scary, nail biting journey that we travel everyday and will continue to do so.  I am grateful to have you at the wheel G.. Gives me a sense of hope and security!

 

xoxo

Jackie

Ms J

466 DOF

maria86
Member

Yes Giula great blog especially the last paragraph.  My cousin quit and she told me she still gets the urge.  This is where I am today-I pulling the reigns on my emotions as I expressed somewhere else on the site.  Its me that can choose the way I think.  The mind can be like a wild horse at times but its me who decides if the horse has the reigns or me.  I choose me!  Thanks again much love and light Giulia

maria86
Member

I am not going delete the above because i mispelled things, lol - I not perfect and that is good with me. 🙂

sparky26
Member

Can't seem to stay on line , but I'm in . A great read as always G.

Strudel
Member

What a wonderful blog Giulia!! Thank you! 

freeneasy
Member

Yes great blog as usual. Commit,believe in yourself,and accept a new and better  way of life. Let it happen.

YoungAtHeart
Member

Sorry to be late to the party, but I just had to send my accolades for this informative and timely blog.

Right on, sister!

Nancy

Giulia
Member

Thank you friends and fellow travelers for all your kind words and the sharings of your journeys' wisdom.  We continue to build upon each other. In love, knowledge, fortitude, compassion, gratitude and humor.  Here's to US!

PRAIRIEROSELADY

Thank you so much for this post!   Answered thoughts that I had run through my mind.  You also confirmed what I had a good idea ......what the answer would be....I am in for the Long Haul.   Received mail today Dell has PC and is working on it......Yippy!!!!!!    It was a great day,no cravings .   Wind died down,so now tmw finish cleaning up nasty pollen that had my allergies in overdrive.   Thank you for all you contribute to the site and our journey. Prairie

Giulia
Member

Glad you got something out of it, Prairie.  And glad Dell is working on your PC.  But especially glad you had no cravings!  PRAIRIEROSELADY

elvan
Member

Giulia‌ I commented on this blog three years ago and my comment today would be the same..."BRILLIANT."

Giulia
Member

elvan‌ Thanks for the feather in my cap!

aderb
Member

Giulia

Thank you so much for this, it's exactly what I needed to hear (read) today to keep me going in my quit.

Giulia
Member

aderb‌  Well then you just read it every day!  lol  Glad it helped.  If you haven't yet, check out the material in Best of EX and also https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/relapse-prevention?sr=search&searchId=1b96e7f3-0fd2-46c7-b...  (some of the comments are helpful  also.)  

BHnCA
Member

I’m nearing my quit date and have been reading lots of things to help me prepare. What you wrote made me realize that each person’s journey may be different, but the destination is still the same:  being smoke free. Thank you for that.

Giulia
Member

BHnCA‌  Great that you're doing you're homework.  It it will help you a lot on the journey!  Glad you found this blog of use.  That final destination of Freedom is pretty wonderful!

Amlatt
Member

my goodness this was a great read for me, I am in charge and I am also in infancy of my quit 

thank you for posting

Giulia
Member

Glad you found it of benefit!

MaryRobin
Member

I few weeks ago now, right before my quit date, I almost let myself off the hook. I was scared and worried that I just couldn’t do it. Guilia, you were direct with me, and made me see for myself through your reply to my blog that I was making excuses. I just have to say THANK YOU to you. I would not be nearing two weeks smoke/vape free if you hadn’t written. I needed a good dose of the “reality I was creating”, and I confirmed my desire and will to do this- and I am doing it.
I have no idea at this point if it’s a tough moment/period in my quit or not: LIFE is tough. What I do know is that I want to be smoke-free and an ex for life, one day at a time. I think about it just to see if I miss it....and I find I feel so much better about myself that I don’t care how much I miss it, because it’s not worth it. I don’t miss the smoke shop, spending $$ on it, sneaking it, and breathing toxins into my lungs. I never want any of that again. 
It’s almost strange to me that I could have put SO MUCH of it inside me over the past 20+ years....Almost....Still have to watch my back, and I may forever, but it’s worth it for the rewards I am feeling.
This post is awesome and inspiring. So are you. Cheers, 

Mary

Giulia
Member

MaryRobin‌  Mary  - your post brings tears to my eyes and a glad heart  as I have often been accused of too much directness.  Examples: 
"I can honestly say if this were a brick and mortar support place, you really would not be my choice as a support buddy." 

"YOU ARE RUDE! ... I know exactly where I’m at in this journey, but I can do without your brand of help."

"Take what I want and leave the rest" and that is what I'm going to do, take what you've said and leave EX all together. I can quit without this site, "

So when you say I was direct with you but it made you aware of your excuses and that awareness has helped you get to where you are in this journey - it tells me I did something right.  And helps to ease my heart from the pain I've inadvertently caused others.

"It’s almost strange to me that I could have put SO MUCH of it inside me "  When you get to that point of realization, I think you've reached a level of awareness that will carry through to forever.  I sure hope so.  And I can promise you, if you ever want the unvarnished truth - you can count on me.

CathyC1332
Member

I am in the driver's seat. I am enjoying reading these bits of wisdom by all the pro activists. My quit date is Jan 1, 2021.

About the Author
Member since MAY 2008. I quit smoking March 1, 2006. I smoked a pack and a half a day for about 35 years. What did it take to get me smoke free? Perseverance, a promise not to smoke, and a willingness to be uncomfortable for as long as it took to get me to where I am today. I am an Ex but I have not forgotten the initial difficult journey of this rite of passage. That's one of the things that's keeping me proudly smoke free. I don't want to ever have another Day 1 again. You too can achieve your goal of being finally free forever. Change your mind, change your habits, alter your focus, release the myths you hold about smoking. And above all - keep your sense of hewmer. DAY WON - NEVER ANOTHER DAY ONE. If you still want one - you're still vulnerable. Protect your quit!