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Share your quitting journey

Epiphany!!!

smorgy8513
Member
0 12 73
‎05-20-2014 01:29 PM

Had a light bulb go on above my head today!!!    Good thing.

See, here's whats been going on:     I've had so many "thoughts" lately of smoking.   "What would it be like", "Could I just have one", "What were the reasons again that I quit?"      

Now, these aren't urges or craves.....they are "thoughts".   Some call it "romancing the smoke".    

But I couldn't figure out why now when I haven't thought of smoking for months.

I've been watching "The Killing" on Netflix.    3 seasons of the detective show.       The primary player was quitting smoking at the beginning of the first season and she turned down her partners offer of a cigarette over and over as she popped gum in her mouth.      Well, as the intensity rose in the series she started smoking again.       Now (with 2 more shows to finish this off) she frequently sits in her car following some major thing and smokes.     I watch her and think "she should quit again" but I think it has been affecting me.

Will I smoke because I've watched this show?     NO     Do I want to smoke BECAUSE OF THIS SHOW?   NO.     This is part of my addiction.      This will probably happen at different times in my life.

The great thing is that I figured out the WHY of all my thoughts of smoking.

Now, I can let them go.....they are just that.......THOUGHTS and I DON'T HAVE TO ACT ON THEM.

Just thought I would share my epiphany with you.

Sharon 288 DOF.......I'm getting close to 300!

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12 Comments
phyllis-12-7-15
Member
‎05-20-2014 01:38 PM

I've been having these thoughts too. Mine "feel" like cravings and come out of nowhere, worse than NML : )

I have to keep reminding myself that I never want to repeat day 1 again. Guarding my quit and not taking it for granted.

We can make it my friend. Love ya.

HUGS

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Barbara145
Member
‎05-20-2014 01:53 PM

Hi!  Good post.  You keep us thinking.  It is very important for us to figure ourselves out.  It is protecting our quits.

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elvan
Member
‎05-20-2014 02:07 PM

Protect and nurture the quit at ALL costs.  I have been watching House of Cards and some of the characters on that show smoke and it just seems so weird to see people smoking on a show.  Guess I never got in to Mad Men, good thing.

I am glad you figured out what was happening and that you recognize them as thoughts and not craves, I also see them sometimes as memories and they have no power.

Thanks for sharing that with us.

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Storm.3.1.14
Member
‎05-20-2014 02:30 PM

This made me smile. You asked the all-important quit question: "What's really going on here?" You took the time to figure out the real answer, and you didn't crash and burn in order to get there. Nice!

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promise_judy
Member
‎05-20-2014 03:49 PM

That is great that you figured it out. It is true sometimes we get to wraped up in a movie. I was watching FARGO and a week now I have been saying "Yep you betcha". Finially my co-worker said "Enough is Enough!" I can totally understand how this happened after you explained it to me--Yep you betcha. LOL!

XOXO

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annb
Member
‎05-20-2014 04:42 PM
Oh good job Sharon. Thanks to you, Phyllis and other wise ones for sharing these experiences! You are blazing the trail ahead as usual!!!
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Michwoman
Member
‎05-20-2014 04:44 PM

I love those AHA moments!!

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linda258
Member
‎05-20-2014 06:26 PM

Which raises the question ... why do they have to continue to show people smoking... I appreciate  the period pieces... but is it REALLY  necessary to show all the smoking.. and the modern peices.... I think smokers are a minority now i.e. not that many people continue to smoke. So WHY ...

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Strudel
Member
‎05-20-2014 08:59 PM

Sharon - You are brilliant! I went through a similar thing when I quit....I was watching "Saving Grace" with Holly Hunter early in my quit......and she smoked....a lot! It made me uncomfortable at first, but then I decided I couldn't totally avoid smokers in movies and on TV! I applied Carr's "feel sorry for them" philosophy! It worked! You are right - just thoughts...and we don't have to act on them! (I also watched "The Killing" ...by then I really was able to feel sorry for her! ) Congrats on always protecting your quit! 

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louise-irene
Member
‎05-21-2014 04:50 PM

Thank you for your victory.  I am struggling to keep my slow paced quit (quit one stick a day every 3 to 5 days).  Recommended by my home health nurse and doctor because of other health problems don't need drastic change suddenly.  I know I can do it, but when I wake up before 5 am and go to bed after 10 pm it is alot of hours to keep it to a minimum I was not used to a few weeks ago when I would light up any time I wanted to.  I am learning and struggling hard to keep on schedule of my plan.  You helped me by showing me how foolish it is to go backwards when we have come so far in the right direction.  Thanks.

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zackie09_51214
Member
‎05-22-2014 12:32 AM

Sharon, I absolutely love it because you have actually sat down to think about it, think why  am i having these thoughts, you figured out why you're having them, and you have made a decision, one you wouldn't have been able to as a smoker because of the addictions grip. You have made the decision NOT to smoke. Way to go! You are an inspiration to us all! Congrats on your quit, and remember we're all here for you!

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cody1976
Member
‎05-22-2014 04:09 PM

Way to go Sharon...proud of you. almost 300 days down. not long till you will hit the 6% mark. 

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About the Author
Gone but Not Forgotten. RIP I've thought so many times about quitting, done a few quits with the longest being 9 months. Blamed that relapse on my sister because she broke her hip. This time I feel different 8/5/13:The first day of my forever quit. About me? Well, I'm old enough that I am going to semi-retire (work 2 days per week) starting in October, 2013. I have 2 grown sons, 2 older sisters, 2 cats. I'm passionate about my work, love mystery books. I give all the glory for my work, any successes I may have to God and prayer. I have a lot of people praying for me right now and that is where I feel the strength. I also am finding strength, information and support from this site. I hope I can offer some of that to others when I get past the newbie stage. 9/4/13 30 days today!! I've learned so much since I've been coming here each morning (and sometimes at night). Words: choose, not try-----decision----not giving anything up, but gaining---I'm worth so much more than a cigarette. These are only a few of the pearls of wisdom that I've taken to heart. So many great people. I learn something each and every time I come on here. I'm learning about myself too. I teach clients everyday that feelings are feelings and ok to have, but I've always fought that concept myself. I heard when I was little "what have you got to cry about?" so I learned not to cry. If anger was shown it meant going back and shutting the door 10 times quietly or maybe getting the wrath of my parent. So, I learned not to cry, not to feel anger. I'm learning now that I have those feelings and that smoking pushed them aside and down. They are there and real. Now I'm trying to learn how to show and express them instead of going off by myself for a smoke. I have supporters. The biggest pride is what I feel in myself. With each day I wake up I can say "Today is day ____" and I feel proud. Not the kind of pride like I could never fail. That is a realization and why I need to be aware and conscious each moment. No, smoking doesn't solve anything. And today I am proof that I can go on without the crutch of a cigarette! 8/5/17 4 Years Quit!!! Who would have "thunk" it? I never took responsibility for my relapses, always blamed whatever it was that occurred. So, when I quit on 8/5/13 I knew I REALLY wanted it to work, knew that I needed as much support as I could get but I think deep down I was afraid this one wouldn't take either. So, I did as much positive as I could: Chantix, prayer, atomic fire balls, telling friends AND coming to the EX many times throughout the day. The people here became my friends as well as my family. I could share when I was struggling and get encouragement. Have there been struggles in my life since then that would have "caused" me to smoke in the past? Of course! Life goes on and troubles happen even when you don't smoke. I lost my sister who was also my best friend, my diagnosis of lung cancer and the treatment that has gone on since then (dr tells me "not curable, but treatable"). Would smoking make any of those things better? OF COURSE NOT! But when you're an addict the brain tells tons of lies to you..... Newbies: use the resources that the EX provides to you and you will have major milestones too. I thank my family here and love each and every one of you that have helped me! Too many names to mention.