I hardly ever dream about smoking, but when I do it's usually a pretty vivid dream. My dreams over the last few nights have been especially vivid. Probably has something to do with me coming up on a month of sobriety as well, I sleep better at night than I was the first few weeks. I dreamed the other night that I was at Dad's funeral service, but he was still alive. It was nearly lucid dreaming because dream me knew that he wasn't really alive, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that. It made me cry in the dream so I started to walk away from him before I would have to explain my tears. He asked me where I was going and I turned back and asked "Do you want me to stay with you?" He said, "Well, yea." (With that ~ duh ~ look he would give me sometimes when I asked something silly). I sat down and held his hand, and could barely catch my breath I was sobbing so hard. It upset me enough that it woke me from a dead sleep and I woke my husband up crying. It feels like a mixed blessing, because I feel that I got to hold his hand again, but it was also like re-experiencing his death all over again. I fell back asleep within a half hour or so and immediately fell into a dream where I was with family and friends and was smoking, and sneaking around to get to booze without my husband knowing about it. I hate dreaming about it, because it almost feels like I actually committed the deed, that's how vivid my dreams are now.
Doubling down on protecting my quit, feel especially vulnerable these days but I'm keeping in mind that smoking and drinking won't make anything I'm feeling any better. It may temporarily delay having to deal with it, but then I'll still have to deal with it, on top of losing all my progress. 7 years smoke free, nearly one month sober.
