Don't Wait

[Giulia]

Was going through some old letters I wrote and came across one from 1982.  I was then 33 years old.  This is the part that's pertinent:

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Boy do you ever sound frustrated.  I'm sure the smoking quittage and the planets aligning and being home without a specific thing to do every day (i.e. your job), and choosing things to do that are frustrating in themselves are all responsible for the crazies.  It's so great that you guys have stopped smoking.  I berate myself every time I light up and it's driving me mad.  I find that I can analyze it to death with no results except more self loathing.  I question deeply the need and can find none, except perhaps fear of stopping.  Fear of not having the courage to stop.  Changing patterns has got to be the hardest task ever for the security-seeking ego.  I think it takes re-programming, probably why "smokenders" and the like are so beneficial.  I know it takes discipline, something which I have been sorely lacking for too long now.  I find that with a prospering career, things become easy, the drive to accomplish lessens....   I’m caught in an unmotivating, non-productive recess where even the joy of play is dampened by the eternal, unremitting cloud of knowingly wasted potential.  Talk about frustration.  I am riddled with thoughts of all the things I could do, should do, and don’t do.  What happened to mind of my youth that could play and enjoy effortlessly doing nothing.  When and why did guilt creep quietly in?  And how does one transform guilt into an all-rightness?  I guess one can only conquer the demon by overcoming its needs; fulfilling the deeds prescribed.  But the organism balks equally at discipline and at the lack of discipline.  And I find myself balancing on the edge of the coin.  Can’t seem to find the catalyst, the motivational force to turn the coin over – in either direction.  Hopefully I’ll get my act together on my own before that inner entity that teaches us throws up some devastation by which I’ll have no choice.

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Well, I got my act together March 1, 2006.  Twenty-four years later.  Don’t wait as long as I did.  Okay?!

[elvan]

That's quite a letter, Giulia, it's crazy that you knew so well so long ago that you wanted to quit.  I guess I knew that too but I certainly never wrote about it so eloquently.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Thanks for sharing such deep thoughts.  Glad you made it.  It is never too late but as you said don't wait.

[Giulia]

Oh Ellen, I knew LONG before that -  that I wanted to quit.  And I did quit for an entire year back when I was 24 or so.  I knew from, I suppose, the minute I got hooked that I wanted to be free.  Didn't we all? 

[annb]

Wow great blog. Thank you for sharing. Oxoxox

[SkyGirl]

Wow.  That's some serious soul-searching, Giulia.  I am very impressed with your thinking.

The phrase that caught my eye was where you said "I question deeply the need and can find none, except perhaps fear of stopping".  

It seems that, back then, none of us really understood that nicotine was an addiction.  Back then, even the medical community didn't address it as a drug addiction.  

I'm sure glad we both got our acts together so we can hang out in Nashville.

xxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooo,   Sky

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I'm glad you got your act together! 🙂

I never even considered quitting until a month before my quit.

[sparky26]

I'm curious about what you would tell your 33 year old self , knowing what you know now .  

[Giulia]

What a GREAT question!!!!  Oh so many things.  Just DO IT!  Smoking encouraged your peroidontal disease.  You might not have had to spend all that money for a deep scaling.  You might not have had to have that  tooth pulled.  Your eyes might not be so dry.  There will be less damage to your skin.  You will save thousands of dollars by not smoking.  You will be enriched by the journey of quitting.  It will strengthen you in all areas of your life.  You will be proud forever that you did it.  You will find joy in helping others quit and form bonds you never dreamed of.  You will not long for a cigarette forever.  You will be adding life, not depleting it.  You CAN do it.  Don't be afraid.  (That's some of what I'd say to my younger self.)

[freeneasy]

 I restarted smoking in 1980 after quitting for about 4 years and not missing it and hating 2nd hand smoke-I tried to quit after 2 or 3 weeks failed and smoked until 01/05/13. Thanks for sharing your thoughful letter- myself, I didn't want to think about it-I thought I liked it but knew I should stop - I thought "what the heck- I'm only in my twentys and have plenty of time to stop"-well 33 years later, I finally stopped. 

[stadtlerj]

Hi Giulia,

I too was 33 in 1982 and that would have been a similar letter that I would have written, albeit not so eloquent.

It really resonnated with me, I really think though nothing could have been said that hadn't already been said about the dangers of smoking yet we continued.

I really think we tend to do these things that are good for us when we get older and have a better sense of our mortality.

Great letter, really enjoyed it.

Jim

[YoungAtHeart]

Wow - how insightful you were at that tender age! 

And still!

Thank you for sharing!

Nancy

[MarilynH]

Wow is all I can think of right now, thank you .

[djmurray]

I just figured it out and I also was 33 in 1982.  I didn't want to quit then.  I have never really wanted to quit until I did this one.  Even the almost three year quit I had in the early 21st century was because I was starting a new job, the first one where I wouldn't be able to smoke at my desk.  That was definitely a "willpower quit" and as soon as I was around somebody who "got" to smoke, I was right back at it.

Your letter is profound and so indicative of how powerful the smoking addiction is.  We get mentally tied up in every way with it and the fear of quitting is so palpable that we cringe at the thought.  But it's such a sham, because quitting is pretty easy when you don't look at not smoking as a sacrifice.  And we don't learn that until we get educated.  And all these years later we finally are. 

[Minx]

thank you for sharing that - great wisdom in there and lots to ponder