just now even though it would've been easy to. I have stress from my classes, stress from my job and from my ex. I studied for a midterm for the last two weeks, I've been getting all of my work done and my homework, reading ahead, and taking notes in lecture. I've been paying my bills because I sold my my car and now I can afford to have food and shampoo and laundry detergent. I'm going to the school counselor to figure out how to get over my drunk dad and my abusive mother, and make no mistake about it I'm not faking. People always say that they're parents are crazy or that they had it hard as a kid, and I do it too - but I know not even 1/100 kids went through what I did. Have your mom throw an open beer at you and yell at you and make you clean it up, have her hit you and miss and cut herself and make you clean up her blood while she cusses at you and your dad breaks tables and beat the crap out of the cat, fights all the time and threatens you and if you're not paying attention it happens to you too. So fuck all you who don't think about what it could be like to have it bad, and I hope you see yourselves when you cry and admit that you're weak. I'm better than all of you, and I feel your hate when you see pity for me and the jealous ones envy me. I don't use pity to study after I get home from work, after I get out of my classes, to support my ass and read for hours when I should be asleep but I don't sleep cuz I can't. I use your hate, because I don't need to smoke and I know you all hate when you see me go through what I go through and take care of myself, no family, fuck friends - no hesitation to think for myself. So to all the people who still smoke, watch me stay quit and envy it.
