OMG, I got super stressed out this weekend with lack of sleep from doing all the my volunteer work and my mom and my brother just UGH.
me this weekend
as a result of that I auto piloted and bought a pack, smoked 2, felt guilty, watered and shredded the pack.
The yo-yo makes me so sad and angry, like I want to cry, I feel so helpless when I get upset or stresssed out and I can't control my fidget and my urge. I want to quit, I am chewing the gum today, but I am still beating myself up about smoking.
I don't know what to do, I don't know how to fight my urge for the security blanket when things get difficult.
I NEED HELP GUYS!
I really just don't know and I want to so bad, this addiction is killing me and I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I dont and I am trying to hard to stay positive.
Because I know that if I try and explain to my family what I am going through, if they know I smoked at all they will react like: 
and all that does is stress me out more.
