When I'm asked in my real life how long I've quit for, I still tell people 6 months. That one half of a cigarette shouldn't cancel out all the progress I have made in the past 6 months of quitting. Honestly, I barely rememebr the half cigarette I smoked. I had no cravings after, and still haven't bought a pack. I think that's something that's been most frustrating for me. I know if I allow myself to not change my quit day, it will be like I am saying that it's okay that I smoked a half cigarette and I'll do it again. But I didn't even get to relaspe fully. Setting my quit day back makes me want to go out, buy a pack, undo everything I've done so I'll be able to say, yes, I replased, yes, it's been this long since I've bought a pack, and this long since I smoked. I wasn't able to feel the benefits of quitting, I didn't suddenly get super sonic scent again and feel the freedom of not having to reach for my pack. I didn't have withdrawls and have to deal with that. I just continued not smoking. And I am afraid to even post this here because I know I'll get hate, however if I go on and pretend like I'm okay then I'll feel like I'm lying to myself. I don't want to buy a pack, but I want to feel like my quit date represents something.
Quitting smoking was one of my biggest accomplishments of this year. Say I was trying to lose weight and one day ate a piece of chocolate cake. Would that cancel out all of the weight that I lost previously? No. And yes, I understand this is an addiction, so it's different. On Feburary 3rd, 2016, I will have been quit for a year. A year of not smoking with a half cigarette somewhere in the middle. I would still count that as a success based of the past four years of me smoking every day, 10 times a day, sometimes more. And I won't be able to celebrate. And that depresses me. And, yes it is my fault, and this might just be my addictive side of my brain talking, but I have no desire at all to smoke. That part of me died somewhere in the first three months, people smoke in front of my all the time and it has no affect on me. There are packs of cigarettes in my house at all times and I haven't reached for one yet.
Sorry this is so long. I'm sure I'll regret posting this but this is part of my journey so it needs to be said.