30 days have come and gone without a smoke. This week has been pretty tough however, even in the face of reaching the 30 day mark. It has probably been the toughest since day 1-3. There was a week or two that were pretty straightforward and easy but this last weekend and week have not been at all. It really has been tough. I don't know why it jumped up in intensity. It took a huge jump last Thursday, and hasn't calmed down. It might have something to do with my level of fatigue. My wife and I have been more and more busy with our business (which is good but exhausting) and I have been limited to less and more restless nights sleep. I think that might be what is attributing to how strong my cravings have been. I don't know. I am still plugging away and don't want to smoke, but the patterns I have been struggling with are returning like they were when I was in week one. It has also been tough this week because it feels a lot more endless. In week 3 the cravings were getting a lot lighter and less regular. Now that they are back and stronger than ever I have been feeling a lot more hopeless that it's going to be forever. Then all the crazy thoughts come up about if it's going to be like this is it actually worth it? I know the answer to that question of course. I know it's worth it even if it sucks forever cause I like living and being physically active more. I know it's worth it cause I love running and working out and have enjoyed the jump in performance. I know it's worth it cause I enjoy the time with my wife and don't want to cut that short. But the those thoughts creep in and then I have a craving to fight, a thought that is destructive, and fatigue to fight. And that combo has been pretty damn difficult to deal with. I really hope I can get some relief soon. But 30 days! That's at least exciting!
