Day 110

[Nyima_1.6.13]

Days 100 through 110: I feel as if I have been ‘caught in a fish net’! This is a reference to what happens   when a surfer gets caught on the shore side of a breaking wave. It makes it very difficult to get out to where you can enjoy the surf and it results in lots of excess paddling and being tossed around quite a bit. As far as quitting goes, I feel secure in my quit! Whatever is going on with me, I know a cigarette won’t change anything for the better. My discomfort comes in feeling like a stranger in my own skin! Since my quit, I have become the most ambivalent person on the planet. Most of my adult life, I have been able to weigh out my choices and make decisions with relative ease. Lately, I can’t make a decision about anything!?! Being indecisive is NOT a trait I can endure! I have been sitting on the fence about Vegas versus Jamaica for over a month! I use this example because it is the only decision in my life (other than my quit) that is even remotely connected to this site! It feels like there are a 1000 variables involved! Some of them are very real factors and some are probably being considered because that’s what you do when you are indecisive! You make it as complicated as possible! Apparently, I have found a new means of driving myself crazy. My plan for May is one of four decisions I have promised myself to make a by Sunday! What’s even crazier about most of these decisions is that in five years (make that one year) it won’t matter one little bit what I decide! Nothing life altering is happening here! Yikes, this is a crazy and up ending process and I wish someone could tell me when I might find my ‘new normal’!?!

[YoungAtHeart]

I hate to be the bearer of bad tydings, but this MIGHT be your new normal,  If not, this trick will help in the short term.  Make two columns on a piece of paper  - pros/cons of each decision.  In the case of Vegas vs.Jamaica - it would probably depend if you really like the BEACH (tee-hee).  Write them all down - and hopefully the decision will become more obvious.

And, since you have stated that it REALLY won't make a difference in a year which you choose, don't stress out over making these decisions.  Once you've decided - let it GO!

I hope this helps.  In any event - DON''T smoke over it!

Nancy

Quit 7/4/12

[SarahP]

hmm, hard to say whether that is related to quitting or not!  I know as my quit matured, I became more willing to stand up for myself, to confront things I used to avoid. There may be some sort of shift developing in your mind, to being more flexible or something like that? Which for now is manifesting itself as indecisiveness. 

Well, anyway, Nancy is right, write out the pros and cons and don't sweat it! 

I honeymooned in Jamaica, and can't wait to go back, it's such an amazing place!  Of course, the Vegas trip means meeting some of your Ex peeps face-to-face, which is pretty amazing too!  A tough decision. Look at it this way -- either decision will be GOOD because both choices are good! 

[joyeuxencore]

You are a precious jewel my friend! Perfect in your imperfection and lovely no matter what! Jamaica & Vegas...what are the pros and cons? Who do you go to Jamaica with? My new normal found me and one day I realized I was in it after I had done all the footwork of creating it...healthy diet, exercise (Yoga or cardio depending on how I felt each day) , morning prayer & meditation, affirmation writing, EFT tapping to balance energy and alleviate pain...I sort of jumped in to all of this by no means in a calm or organised way and just kept doing it all...there it was...the new normal...I was in the shower singing of all things and suddenly realized I was content...It comes and goes but I haven't felt like that in so long that it really caught my attention...

As they say in Jamaica...SOON COME.

PS I was married to a surfer for 10 years...we'll talk. I HOPE I will get to Vegas. I am going on skygirl's companion pass and with what is going on with flights...I dunno...waiting to hear from her...

[Patty-cake]

Like said above, both choices are good choices. I also want to go to Jamaica someday. Vegas is there at anytime also, but the EXers are only there in May. Tough choice, for sure.

If you go to Vegas, then there will be so many more choices for you to be undecided about. Ha Ha. Just kidding.

I'll be in Vegas, unless the airlines decide to cancel my flight. If you go, it will be great to meet you in person. We're lookin' to have some fun!

🙂

[Danno_11-10-12]

I wouldn't fret.  I think it's all part of the journey.  As far as your decision; you can make an argument either way.  I have a soft spot for Jamaica.  I've been there three times and know I'm just getting warmed up.  If "Three Little Birds" coincidentally is playing at some point today, your choice is simple.

[luisdeleon619]

happy 4 u 

[mayagg]

Hi Ny, Here's my 2 cents...to make it short, I agree with the first paragraph of post from Sarah10671.  Also, Jamaica will always be there, but the Ex-ers will only be there in May. Wish I could go!

[Strudel]

I know I felt pretty fuzzy brained for quite some time.....not bad, just not thinking as clearly as I (kind of/sort of) normally do! I would say that somewhere between 4 and 5 months the fog lifted! But, that was me - and I smoked for 40 years! 

I was, and still am, a worrier! I am however, now trying to "let go" more often! That was actually part of my decision to go to Vegas! It is something I wouldn't normally do! A bit wild and crazy - but, I am trying to do more of that! 

Usually, no matter what, if I keep pondering things and weighing the pros and cons as suggested above - the right decision will come to me! But, as also stated above - it sounds like a win win choice! I will vote for Vegas - just so I have the opportunity to meet one more great person from this community! But- either way - you will have a blast! 

[mygirls-6-5-17]

I like what Danno said, don't fret! I kind of know how you feel, I have felt a little paralyzed and sluggish in my thinking since I quit. I was I was by no means organized before, but somehow I felt sharper? Maybe that's kind of what you are going through, just a basic lack of focus...but congrats on 110 days!!!

[Giulia]

Throw some dice - odds to Vegas, even to Jamaica.  Make it simple.  (And if you're unhappy with what you threw - you'll know the answer.)  Either journey will be a good one.

[Stac2]

Let me know if you decide Vegas.  I'm on the fence too!  I like Giulia's idea.  I made a decision that way myself recently.  I was hoping for heads on a coin.  Got tails.  That told me what I was really wanting despite clarity...

Maybe your ambivalence is you trying to learn how to live as a more relaxed person?  I also agree with Sarah's first paragraph.

Here, it is esp hard to choose because you can't go wrong either way. 

I don't have much guidance here as still in the 30's but you have my support as you always support me.  I am a bit timid to write this but I will throw it out there anyway because I'd like to try to help if I can even though I have no idea how it feels to be in 100's land.  I am betting this passes and your true new normal comes and you will like it.  This is maybe just maybe one of those weird parts of the journey where there is no super clear answer to why you are experiencing this but you pass through it, learn from it, and then the true new normal awaits you...  I've struggled so much with asking why this why that will this pass will it not, etc.  You know that because you have commented on so many of those blogs I've written.  Now I'm trying to teach myself (have to work on this every day) that sometimes the journey throws a curve ball for which there is no why, no "reason", no logic, no answer.  Why am I tired at day 35 after cutting Chantix to half dose way early?  Don't know.  But, I gotta accept that I just am.  This surely will pass.   Then it does.  Then I move past and keep going.  Maybe even at day 100's you still give yourself the mantra of one day at a time???  Because NML is still part of a journey.  I am just so proud of your quit.  Wow.  Congratulations to you.  Again, I am just betting this will pass...  Weird stuff comes during our quits, right?  Brain re-wiring is tricky and does strange interim things but Nyima, in the end I bet you land on a new normal that feels good.  Hang in there.  Look at your countup.  Whoa girl!  So awesome!

[cody1976]

First off... Congrats on 110 days.  I am by no means a psychologist or anything like that,  just a very spiritual surfer. I have been "caught in the net" myself but in a different way regarding my quit. After reading you latest blog I stepped back and thought about my own problems ( not sleeping) and have come to this conclusion hopefully for both of our benefit.  For me the last thing I did before going to bed when I smoked was smoked. At the time this allowed me a little time to reflect on my day and come to peace with what I accomplished or didnt accomplish that day. When I laid down my mind was relaxed and calm. Now since I dont smoke right before bed, i realized I don't allow myself those extra little 5-10 minutes to "wind down". I am going to try to set aside  a few minutes this evening and see if it changes anything. What I am getting at is as a "decisive" person as a smoker and an "indecisive" person as a non smoker.. what changed in your routine as you chose to quit? Hopefully this will help the both of us.