Today quite honestly has been one of the hardest since last Saturday. For one it is the day before Friday which is normally the day before a weekend of relaxed smoking, which means a lot of smoking usually joined with some drinking. Secondly the tactic used against me today was that I really WANTED to smoke today. I really wanted to have that cigarette that it was going to be good. I know all the Easyway tactics and I have read the book and understand the concept and all that, but you know sometimes it just feels like a cocktail and a smoke sounds awesome (And sorry, the Easyway helps and makes sense, but it's just not that simple sometimes). Third I started thinking about nicer weather here and man, just about my favorite thing to do is work outside, drink some cheep light beer, and have some smokes. Again, I understand the Easyway, and again I believe the concepts, but again, sometimes it is just not that simple. Sorry, sometimes it just isn't. I can make it, I know that, but it's just tough sometimes. When I start thinking of the times I enjoyed a smoke is when I get down and depressed that I can't ever have one again. I can't ever go back there and I know that but man sometimes that just kinda makes me a little depressed. But how silly is it that I am down about not being able to do something that kills me? That's ridiculous! That's absurd! That annoys me a lot! I want this to be over, I want this to be done, I want to stop wanting something that is trying to kill me. I want to stop wanting something that destroys me. Dammit!
