Last night I had my first "smoking dream," but I didn't actually smoke in the dream. It was more of a temptation dream. I was given three packs of smokes to hide from somebody else (I think), and I remember wanting to sneak off and open one, but I did not. Also, it was an interesting detail that one of the packs was my first smoke (Benson Hedges Ultra Lights), another was a pack of white and red generics (when I was poor), and the third was a pack of menthols (which I bummed if there was nothing else). I just found it interesting that it was so detailed and clear in my mind.
Anyway, when I woke up I was so relieved that I hadn't even really even been tempted that I had to laugh. I was so relieved it was just a dream! Also, I realized that the insanity of smoking is only matched by the insanity of quitting, in the sense that the craziness we go through in withdrawl would be funny if it weren't so serious. Still, I can find some humour in it. I guess I have to.
I remember when I quit drinking. I've been sober and clean for almost twenty years now, but that first year was scary! I thought I just couldn't exist without booze, just like I think I just can't exist without smokes. But you do, and you're better off for it. Still, like booze, I've gotta take it one day at a time, because that's all we've really got. Take life in little bite-size pieces so it doesn't overwhelm you.
Everything I go through every day is just my brain telling me that I need nicotine, or the cigarette in my hand, or whatever. It's a total whitewash of course, but that's how addiction works. It lies, yes?
Onward! Keep the Quit!
~Michael
