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Share your quitting journey

Common Courtesy

Ladybug--7-3-12
13 21 439

Common Courtesy.png

This is an edited version of a blog I posted "elsewhere" about 3 weeks ago when a lot of new members & returning ones started migrating back for Spring.   

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Just some quick thoughts for consideration (in no particular order).

* You don’t have to like all the advice you get from community members (and chances are you probably won’t especially if you’re in the early stages of your quit) but common courtesy should be a given for those taking the time to respond to your post.

* If people respond to your SOS post you need to at least acknowledge them. People care & want to know if you were helped through your crisis. Don’t just disappear. It’s rude.

* I encourage you not to outright dismiss responses you don’t like. Those may be the ones you need to listen to the most. Kudos received over & over again may not help you achieve & maintain smobriety which is what you say you want. Give it a try listening to other insights.

* This is not a professional/medical site for advice regarding your depression, diet, bi-polar, breathing, or other medical conditions, diagnosed or not. Members may share their own experiences regarding a topic you post about but the best advice is always to seek professional help if the issue is a real concern of yours. Be safe.

* Treat people how you would like to be treated. Disrespect is one thing I do not tolerate well. I’m not here to waste my time on those that don’t’ appreciate it. I will simply choose not to support that person & move along to someone else. No skin off my backside! I’m already quit.

* Participation on-line is a risk & you never really know who you are “talking to” but if you hang around for a bit you can see who are the regular supporters. If you receive private mail from someone soliciting you personally (that you do not want of course!) notify admin. Help keep this site a Safe Zone.

* Don’t attack people. If you really don’t like the community or its members you can always choose to move on. There are many resources/sites out there one of which may be a better fit for you.

* If a post/poster/response rubs you the wrong way you have the option to scroll. Your input is not necessary. Let others respond to it. I do admit I tend to believe people when they show me who they really are in their post(s) the first time & they go on my ignore list.

* A good litmus test for making a post or while responding to one is to ask yourself … Is it helpful? Is it thoughtful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If it doesn’t meet one of these criteria, you might want to choose not to make it.

* AND finally, take what you can use and leave the rest (notice I didn’t say take what you “need” because early in a quit it is questionable if we even know what we need).

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It’s always your quit, your life, your choices, your consequences. Take what you can use and leave the rest! 

21 Comments
MarilynH
Member

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indingrl
Member

I love -  take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you- WAY TO GO AND CONGRATS STAYING A NON SMOKER NO MATTER WHAT- yahooooooo and gentle hug.

sweetplt
Member

I don’t know what is going on at Ex’s...but what you wrote is wonderful...Thank you so much and have a great day Ladybug--7-3-12 ... Colleen 127 DOF 

Ladybug--7-3-12

Congrats on 127 DOF!  Keep it up!      Great Job.jpg

Mandolinrain
Member

I am bookmarking this because it is a valuable blog.

From time to time this community gets a little rumbly. So it will good to share during those times. It's a kind reminder to have on board. Thank you for writing this. All points were well thought out and presented.

I used to tell our boys " Taste your words before you spit them out'...and treat other as YOU want to be treated, aka, 'The Golden Rule".

Anyway thank you again. We have a fine community here new and old. I recall when I began trying to quit years ago, some Elders words were pretty frank with me here on this site, and at that time, I was not at all accepting of it, but now I am so grateful for it. They planted seed in me that finally took root and I have a very strong and healthy quit because of those 'frank' words. They will never know how much I am now grateful for their perseverance with me.

Thanks again, great post!

MarilynH
Member

If blogs had a helpful button I would have tapped on it because this is a great post but I had to settle for the like button instead, thank you again for this awesome post......

SimplySheri
Member

Perfect

YoungAtHeart
Member

Thoughtful, well put and timely!

Thank you!

Nancy

AnnetteMM
Member

Also bookmarked. These are really wonderful reminders. Thank you so much.

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Barb102
Member

Yes this one definitely needs to be bookmarked. Great reminders. Thank you 

Christine13
Member

I agree, thank you for posting this!!

Giulia
Member

You know when you have a bunch of people bookmarking your blog, it's a GREAT ONE!  I'm bookmarking it now.

Ladybug--7-3-12

Thanks everyone for your kind comments & valuable input.  I just posted what personal "rules" I try to follow for myself. 

My bottom line is that I want to help others get quit & stay quit BUT I have learned that I cannot do the work for them or want it for them more than they want it for themselves.  

My message to those reading who want to quit is:  "Do the work!  Research nicotine addiction!  Read, learn, read!

You're an adult with an addiction so the first step is helping yourself!  Again, take what you can use and leave the rest."

 Ladybug Pic.jpg     

Mandolinrain
Member

And that's what its all about.......

AnnetteMM
Member

I wish this post could be "pinned" to the front page so we could see it every day!

elvan
Member

Absolutely beautiful and certainly timely...bookmarking just like everyone else.  Thanks.

Ellen

Mandolinrain
Member

For Sure!

meWisconsin
Member

Absolutely love the blog post. It is spot on. 

Terry  

Ladybug--7-3-12

I still bop into the site from time to time to see if perhaps a comment from me might be of some benefit to a poster.   I smile when I see the community still rolling along with members providing education and support to others in a respectful manner.  

I dislike seeing members disrespect others by slinging a barbed comment directed at someones else's comment made on a post instead of keeping their comment to the original poster.  It's certainly not helpful or pleasant to read the discord in a post.

Commenting on this old post of mine will bring it back up (to be read and considered).  We always have the choice to post our own comment if we feel it may help the original poster in some way.  We also have the choice to scroll on by without making a comment if it is done simply to discount what someone else has shared to a post. 

Common courtesy, decency, and respect to others, just like good character and integrity never has and never will go out of style.   We make our world what we what it to be by our own example.  Practice kindness.  

 

 

CommunityAdmin
Community Manager
Community Manager

Thank you for the reminders! 

~Margaret, EX Community Admin Team

SimplySheri
Member

Lovely 🙂

About the Author
My quit is over for me. I no longer have to decide to stay smoke free, or reconsider it each & every day (or month or year). The choice to not smoke was made by me a long time ago, it’s been kept by me for a while, and being smoke free is now my normal way of living. Yes, I took smoking again off the table for me as an option from Day One/Won. Yes, I acknowledge that I will always be physically addicted to nicotine. Yes, I know I can’t have “even” just one or I will put myself at risk of a return to full-fledged smoking again. So what?! I chose to quit smoking. So I did it. I’m quit. The only requirement in order to Stay Quit is that I don’t smoke. As long as I don’t smoke my addiction to nicotine lies dormant. I don’t crave one and if I get a smoking “memory” it passes easily enough for me now (time & patience!) and life goes on smoke free. Smoking is never a solution to anything. It never has been & never will be for anyone. Smoking just adds a new problem to everything else. There will come a time in your smoke free life when you’ll need to just stop quitting & let everything having to do with the old smoking you go. I’ve arrived. I am at peace and so very grateful for my smoke free life. When you get there yourself you will be able to take the training wheels off & just get on with the living of the rest of your life. This is when your “End Journey” becomes the "New Journey" you get to actually design & live out smoke free for yourself. It's doable for everyone regardless of their circumstances or obstacles. It truly is and it's worth every bit of angst it takes to "arrive". Believe in yourself so you can achieve it too. Change what smoking means to you (educate yourself about nicotine addiction!) and then just begin. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Just Begin … "Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative or creation there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of incidents and meetings and material assistance which no one would have believed would have come one's way. Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it." W.H. Murray The Scottish Himalaya Expedition * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Helpful Resources: http://www.whyquit.com (Educate yourself on your nicotine addiction!) http://www.quitsmokingonline.com/course (Helpful for mindset. Free!) https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm (It IS an addiction not just a bad habit.) "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" -- Allen Carr (Works for some; find & do whatever it takes for YOU!) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *