After many changes in quit day, most of them due to rationalization, I have begun my journey again.
I quit October 8th 2006 and was quite happy about being a non-smoker. For some reason, I began smoking again in December of 2013 after the death of my mother. I have been trying (half-heartedly) to quit ever since. I know that I hate being a slave to cigarettes. I hate having to look for them, worry about running out, having to go out to get them when I would rather stay in, smelling like it, freezing in the cold winter outside, dropping ashes, burning clothes, losing money, looking for a lighter, taking too many breaks at work, smelling up my car, having empty packs all over my car, worrying about quitting and whether I will finally do it, worrying where the smoking areas are, missing out on important moments at special events, filled up overflowing ashtrays, loss of breath, being out of shape, lung infections, and just all of it!!!!!
I am just having trouble remembering that I am not going out for a cigarette. Fleeting thoughts of "Okay, now I can go smoke" go through my mind and then I realize I am not smoking and get a feeling of let down. I wish I had never started smoking. I wish I could tell my younger self that it didn't make me look cool, it would reduce my health in later years, and that I would waste so much time and money on something that will kill me in the end.
Please Lord help me to make it through this time.
