I postponed my quit date. I know in my heart that I yearn to quit cold turkey and I know that I will with God's strength. But, I also have to be honest and realistic with myself. I'm not just quitting smoking but transforming my lifestyle by eating whole foods, exercising, and quitting unhealthy habits. Smoking is not nearly my nemesis as hard alcohol which I haven't had in a month. I don't have a routine per se for when I smoke; I do it when my stress level is too high. I hadn't touched a cigarette or alcohol for over a decade until 2 years ago when we relocated from the country to this metropolis and I became the full-time caregiver of my mother-in-law. That's when I discovered that chronic long-term stress was so damaging to one's mental and physical being. Now that my mother-in-law is in assisted living and I've made a large stride to the recovery of myself and "emptied my plate" through therapy and support, the next steps were to quit the drinking and smoking. I have read the resources both here and other places as well as discovered other ways to deal with my reactions toward stress. In fact, I had quit just this year for 39 days! But, I was still weak in my commitment and resolve. I had experienced the utter joy, though, during that time of the consuming feeling of completely living a healthy lifestyle. That experience is actually my inspiration to recommit wholeheartedly. As life does, though, huge boulders of stress fall and avoiding them is nearly impossible, so I have chosen to push out the quit date of my last debilitating habit. I am but a human and when the absentee siblings of my husband come slithering in to scavenge what they can while wreaking havoc and all I can do is nauseatingly watch as both my husband and mother-in-law struggle with the despicable betrayal, I am choosing to postpone my quit while I gain the inner strength from my Lord to persevere. In the meantime, I will continue to gain wisdom from y'all and this blessing of a community.
