Happy, happy new year to the whole community! Welcome to those newer than me and thank you to all who keep coming back. I am on blessed day 24 - TWENTY FOUR, wow! That's almost 200 cigs I have not smoked since I was about a 6-8 cigs p/day smoker -- not the heaviest or lightest smoker but enough for me to say ENOUGH.
This daily commitment to my recovery and freedom is changing my life in a remarkable way. It has sometimes been an hourly commitment, and when the cravings come they hit me hard, but they always PASS whether I light up or not so I and we may as well not smoke, right? The craving will pass if I and you let it. I have been experiencing fewer and fewer cravings with each smoke-free day but a few recent ones have been intense. Here's why and what I did to "brave through the crave".
1. New Year's Eve
This is usually a time of celebration, parties, alcoholic toasts filled with lots of people and intense energy, right? I deliberately chose to reign in 2015 quietly with my husband at our good friend's house in the desert - he's an avid non-smoker so I set up my surroundings to be smoke-free. I also drank very little alcohol since drinking can be a trigger. I envisionsed walking up on the first day of the new year clear and smoke-free and reminded myself of all the great benefits that have manifested just in a short few weeks. A craving hit as we were finishing dinner and I watched a small handful of people light up outside-- they looked like they were having fun! - but then I took a deep breath, savored that breath, and felt grateful for the warmth of the indoors as the smokers, in realitly, froze and coughed outside. Not so fun.
2. Busy Airports
I am a bit claustrophic, not proud of it but it's the truth, and large crowds can be very disorienting for me. The airport was a ZOO, no suprise given it was a holiday weekend but this was an unrelenting, for the most part, cranky and impolite crowd pushing and yelling and crying over the inevitable aggravations that go hand in hand with flying today. Historically, I need to find a quiet space and smoke to "get away" from the noise and negative energy I am sponging up. This time, I did NOT give into the craving and braved the discomfort instead ....to do this was a huge victory for me. The discomfort was unsettling and I felt panicked for a couple minutes but the panic passed and then so did the craving with the help of my loving partner and a series of deep breaths. A bottle of water on hand helps too. Keep something healthy in your hands, folks!!
3. Coming home to unpleasant findings
After having been away for two weeks I was a bit sad to leave my family in California and come back to cold and grey NY. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE NY, just not the weather.:) We live in a charming but old apartment two stories above a restaurant and we have been battling roaches for what feels like forever and ever. We've had four differnent exterminators, eco-friendly ones, not so-eco-friendly ones, have used all kinds of sprays and contraptions and keep the place clutter-free and immaculate. There has been progress the past couple months - no sightings - and then, upon coming home and turning on the bathroom light, there were two dead little buggers on the floor. Good that they were dead but omg was that a trigger! My home is my safe, sacred space and I probably have an irrational fear of these bugs. But they were a huge trigger for my smoking "relapse" last year and it took every ounce of bravery in my soul not to run out the door straight to the 24 hour bodega to buy a pack and smoke them all! I paused, literally just STOPPED, jacket mid-zipped back up, boots mid-back on in preparation to brave the cold. I froze, angry, irritable, wanting to punish and lash out at something ....me? Why? I held this thought, delayed any action with this thought, and realized this was insane to go and smoke. That punishing myself by lighting up a poison stick was no way to honor my 3 weeks of nicotine-freedoem and no way to eliminate roaches either, by the way. To give those buggers power by smoking would have been silly. I braved that crave too.....and the craving PASSED....and the exterminator will come back tomorrow, LOL.
To all a good, smoke-free day and night! And if you are still smoking, please don't give up on yourself and give your quit a chance. Keep coming back.
xoxo Chloe
