Back to smoking

[Phreck62]

Thanks A lot Young At Heart  You Can Blame He Or She For Some Very Unkindly Words. And 

I  guess this is good bye I don't put up with mean people who make a mockery of me im off to the store to get me my first pack of smokes in 5 months. Thank the person who just encourage me to do it yes presue never send me no more  emails bunch of [content removed]

Edited for personal attack/profanity by Mark‌. Please review the site guidelines for posting appropriately.

[YoungAtHeart]

I don't believe the blame is on me.  It sounded to me that you were just waiting for any excuse to smoke ---- and had hoped to get you to see that.  Looks like I was right.

[Mandolinrain]

Wow, I am so sorry to hear your breaking a 5 month quit. That's so sad to me.

I don't know what was said, who said it, or what...but I wish you would reconsider and not smoke. It won't change anything other than make you have to quit all over again. 

Its very hard in here at times to understand what people say, how they mean to say things often comes out differently that how it is meant. I can't imagine Youngatheart ever saying anything to be hateful to anyone. 

What I see here is your looking for an excuse to smoke. I do not mean this in a 'mean way' just an observation and my opinion. I will say , it's good you came here and hopefully not to late that you went ahead and smoked. Please don't. We all really do care. I care. But you have to to take your own responsibility if you choose to smoke because your upset. Blaming people in here and name calling, is really not the solution. We are all a bunch of pricks? That's really hurtful and disrespectful.

I wish you the the best and I pray you Choose to reconsider and NOT allow the 'smokes' to win. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

5 months quit?

Craving the whole time?

Thinking about smoking the whole time?

Well there you go.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Wow sorry you feel that way.  NOPE no matter what will keep you free.  Your commitment to not smoke is not for He or She it is for You.  Do not allow your addict brain to cause you to find an EXcuse to smoke.  I am hoping that you are being sarcastic.  0-100.  It happens.  Take what you can use and leave the rest. Think about it before you smoke.  Is it worth it to allow anger to cause to you have a reason to smoke? Breathe

[Chuck-2-20-2011]

How is buying a pack of cigarettes going to help you? So you've decided to choose a horrible future when you have a chance to better yourself right now? Five months quit, and you want to throw it away for what? For you, true freedom is just right around the corner. Are you really going to let your addiction dictate your actions? If you do relapse, please don't give up on yourself forever. 

 I do know that Nancy would never say something to hurt another. That's just not in her. No matter what you decide, I wish you the best and hope that you choose freedom over slavery. It really is your choice. . . .

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck

[Giulia]

Woah, Mark!  One minute you're telling us in a blog how "whoo hoo" smoke free you've been for 5 months and the next you're heading to the store to buy a pack.  Uh... I think Nancy hit a button with you that perhaps you might just want to take a deeper look at.  I can see myself saying the same kind of thing and pointing out those words "still no relapse" to you.  That's a subliminal potential relapse way of thinking (and not really so much subliminal for those of us who have become aware of that kind of thinking)  And for goodness sake, that Newhart clip is FUNNY!  What happened to your sense of humor?

If you do go and buy that pack - you have no one but yourself to hold responsible for it.  I hope you take a breath or two or three and step back and chill a moment.  You've worked real hard for those 5 months.  Don't give them up in a silly instance.  Please.

[kristen-9-7-15]

I think I missed something....

[Bree19]

Seriously??

That was a message of encouragement added to a funny tv clip.  

You can't throw away 5 months of very hard work over a misunderstanding.  

I would encourage you to take a breath, take a walk, enjoy the signs of spring you were sharing with us and consider who you would be hurting, or "getting back at" by buying smokes and starting the whole process over again.   Who will you be spiting?

Maybe go back to your triggers and re-evaluate your commitment to this journey.

Perhaps you were just waiting for the right moment to blame your relapse on someone else.

And of all the people to blame on this site, Nancy is the LAST person to be accused of using unkind words.  I could just go on and on, but I'll stop now and hope for your sake and the sake of your health that you reconsider your reaction.

Bree

[Jennifer-Quit]

I remember earlier in my quit blogging about getting thru a rough couple of days. I was feeling really proud that the little voice that kept saying "just one" finally shut up.  Instead of hearing "good job", someone said the voice would be back.  It really ticked me off.  I am sure they meant well-it just was not what I needed or wanted to hear at that moment.  I hope you do not throw your quit away over words that were intended to help not hurt.

[gardenancy8]

You will get grossed out if you go back to smoking, it will taste like crap!  I see your feelings got hurt over a post, but that's all it is, is hurt feelings, I don't remember feelings being an excuse to go back to the poison you so wanted to get away from.  So I know you will come back here and read all these messages, because you know we give a hoot. I am 2 months in to my quit and there is no frigging way I am going back to day 1 ever again.   In life we're going to have things that upset us, people that rubs us the wrong way, that doesn't give us permission to start smoking poison again.  Unless someone is holding you down and shoving that smoke in your mouth and plugging your nose, you're the one who is deciding to QUIT on your QUIT, nobody else!  I hope for your sake you took the time and realized you're worth more then a stupid cigarette! 

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Nobody can make you smoke except you! Blaming other people isn't going to help you in any way!

Wishing you the best! We all want Recovery for you but we can't do that for you - or to you!

[Phreck62]

I reported you to the head of this [content removed] forum I don't put up with nobody's [content removed] hear me I could say other things but I am not I don't take [content removed] from people like you. Have better choice of words instead of putting people down. If I wanted to be put down all I'd have to do is ask my wife. .good bye never talk to me aagain 

Edited for personal attack/profanity by Mark. Please review the site guidelines for posting appropriately. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Reported. Bye Bye

[MarilynH]

Wowser, I definitely missed something! All I know is you were definitely looking for an excuse to smoke and decided to blame one of the kindest, caring people on this site, Nancy and pretty much all of us wants to see people succeed in quitting and we're here voluntarily hoping to help but it's up to the individual to make their quit stick because we can't do it for you! 

[elvan]

Phreck62‌ I am really sorry that you are making this decision and doing so in such an angry and vindictive way.  No quit survives the kind of anger you are apparently dealing with.  I have lost many quits over anger, it was my biggest trigger.  I can tell you that choosing freedom is just that a CHOICE, a choice we make every single day.  We say here over and over again, "take what you like and leave the rest."  You got a LOT of very encouraging comments on your blog but you CHOSE to take the Newhart clip out of context and remove all of the humor from it.  Quitting is a journey, you have been on it for five months and now you are tossing it away, I am so terribly sorry that you are making that decision.  I am so sorry that you feel like if you want to be put down, you would ask your wife.  Maybe you should look into anger management before you do anything else.

Congratulations on five months of freedom and I seriously hope that you will reconsider your decision, your quit belongs to you and no one else and you are the caretaker of that quit.  If you decide to kill it, it is on you and no one else.

Best,

Ellen

[MePlus3]

Honestly evaluate what's going on I read Nancy's comment over and over again and don't see how that would give you permission to blow a 5 month quit of course quitting is a journey with lots of ups and downs. You said in your blog I haven't relapsed YET meaning to us you were kind of on the lookout for one which made her come to the rescue and catch that thought BEFORE it actually happened. Maybe thats something you didnt realize that you were doing. Addiction is very VERY sneaky. That's why when we blog others may catch that addictive mentality like Nancy did! In all compassion we all are here to help one another. What if that "Yet" mentality hadve simmered in your thoughts? I remember watching that video on another blog and it really helped it was humorous and had a valid point sometimes we have to just STOP IT! Please just think this through and see that there was no offensive intentions in her comment! The addiction in you have you seeing it as something its really not thus giving you permission to smoke! Who will you hurt by doing that? Honestly we would love to see you successful and free but smoking would indeed hurt your body more than ours! Please reconsider!

[Strudel]

I certainly hope that you have not really given up your 5 month quit. Nancy is one of the most dedicated, caring, people we have here at EX. She posted a humorous video on your blog as a reminder to guard your quit. Did you watch it? It is a funny way of making the point that our quits are in our control - we can indeed just "stop it" in terms of making excuses to smoke. Nancy has spent YEARS here as an advocate to help people protect their quits - you misunderstood her and in my opinion you owe her an apology. 

[Phreck62]

You are a very mean person. And mis understood me how dare you make

acusations.about me you have no idea who I am and I don't have to take your

abuse lady.I will report this post to the community person who owns it.you

are a very low down degrading individual. I would say the bad words but I

won't

On May 12, 2017 9:49 PM, "Youngatheart.7.4.12" <

[MePlus3]

Reporting this post will hurt you more because you're not seeing that you are indeed the abuser you're accusing her to be. Have you not read the comments here? No one is trying to be "mean" but you! Why are you so angry? Thats your addiction screaming out because she called it for what it was. No, she doesnt know you but everyone here know the addiction we're dealing with and willing to help and do all we can to keep one another free from it! If reporting a post is what will keep you quit and sane go ahead but im sure mark will not see a bit of offense from our end only from you. 

[bonniebee]

Hope you change your mind !

[MePlus3]

Mark‌ please settle this. We're all out of words. Nancy would never "bully" a person but is being accused in so many impolite ways and I would hate to lose her because of this one person. He's threatening to report im hoping he does because honestly there was no harm intended.

[Phreck62]

I didn't go back to smoking again I can't afford to do that. The point is

that her words were hurtful

If you people would read again the reason that I keep saying that Is that I

am proud of myself for not having any relapses. I figured.that you people

would understand this I guess I was wrong. She didn't have to be so mean in

what she said.to me life is too short to be arguing.over trivial crap.I

will be reporting her to who ever owns the board. So you people doubt me

well so much for support from this community have a good day

On May 12, 2017 9:53 PM, "Mandolinrain" <communityadmin@becomeanex.org>

[c2q]

Hi Phreck. I have deleted my earlier comment. It no longer fit after you edited your reply of May 13, 6:53 am to @youngatheart.

Don't need this drama. Don't need this language. This site is about quitting smoking, not trolling. Mark‌?

[MePlus3]

You were alarming when you said "yet" that is how the addiction sneaks in some of these people have been quit for years so they know every little trick it try. Do you think it wouldve been easier to say this when it happened like "hey you misunderstood me im just proud of my accomplishment im not looking for a relapse" instead of blowing up? im sure she would've responded kindly as well and this would not have nearly came this far. I've already tagged the admin because I dont want anyone hurt or uncomfortable here. Im glad you didn't smoke. 

[CommunityAdmin]

Hello everyone

While I believe that no ill intent was intended by YoungAtHeart‌ it's an obvious case how everyone can interpret things a little differently.  Possibly the point being made was valid, but perhaps it wasn't. Regardless, all members of the community are important and but not everyone has the same appetite for receiving feedback. Sometimes we're more sensitive than others when life is throwing other challenges at us at the same time.

I can also see phreck62's perspective and why it was a bit hurtful to him as he was coming to celebrate his quit milestone but was met with skepticism. Some of his frustration came out in his responses that broke our community guidelines.  I have removed only the prohibited content in those posts. Sadly phreck62 has chosen to leave us as a result and I'm honoring his wishes. I wish him the best in maintaining his quit and he is welcome to come back if he chooses to rejoin us.

Hopefully something can be learned from this so that in the future we avoid losing a member. At the end of the day we're not divided. We're ONE team! I know there is a lot of good, love and support in this community.

Mark
EX Community

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Can you tell me if the original blog was edited?

I ask this because when I just re read it, the line of possible intention that Nancy (and I) picked up on is no longer there.

[CommunityAdmin]

It is bold and italic where content was edited by me. I'm transparent about that. Only prohibited things were removed. Everything else is left as is. If something was edited by phreck62 I don't have record of that. I have not edited YoungAtHeart's posts either so if something with intent has been removed it wasn't done by me.

Mark
EX Community Manager

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I believe he edited it out because the intent I read was the same as Nancy and, I just reread it again and it's not there.

[elvan]

Mark‌ I thought he had decided to stay and stick with his quit.  I think he has some real issues with anger and was like a stick of dynamite.  I understand that he doesn't KNOW YoungAtHeart‌ and I think he overreacted to her post but I also think he disregarded all of the encouragement he got and focused on that one thing to blow up over...I thought he had communicated that he was staying but I am not sure where or when I read that.

Thanks for removing the prohibited content.  It was more than a little disturbing.

Ellen

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I found the line Nancy noted on the first blog in her initial response. It has not been deleted. From my perspective "and still no relapses" could indicate either prior expectations or possible vascillation on the part of the author.

I know her comment wasn't meant to be intentionally mean. What I believe is she was reading between the lines.

[CommunityAdmin]

MePlus3‌ If someone gets reported, this doesn't mean they're off the site.  It just brings the content to my attention for review.  If there is something that needs attention I'll work to mitigate the issue. Misunderstandings happen. There have been a couple that have even  happened to me.  The important part is getting back on the same page and clearing up the misunderstanding.  Empathy can also go a long way!

I'd like everyone to get along regardless if viewpoints collide. If you can't simply agree to disagree, there are plenty of places for everyone to hang out and maintain their quit if they find someone who rubs them the wrong way.  

Honestly I love when people have differing opinions but can respect each other.  Sootie‌ mentioned having a friendship like this.

Mark
EX Community Manager

[MePlus3]

I understand and that's what I wanted your attention. I absolutely hate to see people here not agreeing to the point of a blow up. That's a call for attention. I love this site and all of the people here both new and old. To me this was just a little playground fight that could've been resolved and we'll be playing again like it didnt happen. Hopefully he come back if not we'll miss him and continue playing. This reminds me of a fight I had with a friend just yesterday. We had a little mother's day get together and there was this guy there that I liked well since it was her "family" or friends that was throwing it I asked her about him before stepping on any toes. She gave me the ok to make a move and we hit it off instantly (that was Saturday night) well Sunday he came back we talked everything was going good and she walked up to us talking about she's the owner of the job we work for I corrected her and she BLEW UP like ready to tear my head off they had to carry her out. She went home calmed down and we talked it out. I cant be convinced that this wasnt over this guy especially after talking to his mom. She tried to stir up alot of strife between his mom and I between Saturday night and Sunday morning but im a peace keeper so I talked to his mom and apologized if I had disrespected her in anyway concerning her son. She had absolutely no clue of what I was talking about. My friend had called her early that morning telling her things like I shouldnt have been dancing with him and such. Long story short that phone call didnt yield the results she was expecting thus causing her to blow up. That job had nothing to do with her anger. But we made up and continued on with the party. I dont like strife and I believe misunderstandings can be understood with a good talk.