Bachelor Party Help

[All4Railroads]

A few weeks ago, I was in Michigan visiting the groom for the wedding.  He and I were pledge brothers in our fraternity and now I'm his best man.  Planning the bachelor party has been hell, but was worse was when he asked me if we could smoke together when I visited.

We used to sit in my car in college and polish off a pack together in one night.  He still smokes a bit and his fiancee either plays dumb or doesn't know when he does. I've been an ex-smoker since Nov 10, 2010.  I don't like to think of myself as having "quitted."  I like to believe that I'll always be a smoker but I'm just not smoking now.  I haven't smoked in 885 days.  I'm sure many of you reading this know what it feels like to be in that social circle of smokers--it's an identity I hate to leave.

With the bachelor party and the wedding coming,  I'm worried that he'll want me to smoke with him again--and that the pressure will get to me.  I've been in some extreme situations where I've nearly smoked, but this has been on my mind for weeks now.  The party is the first weekend in May.

Any advice or support is greatly appreciated.  My girlfriend and I quitted together but she'll still have a smoke once in a blue moon--she's not an addict like me--I don't think she'll understand.  

I posted to a group on here for people that quit in Nov 2010.  I've been on becomeanex since 2008.  I am glad to see how much the community has evolved since then.  The amazing thing about this site is that it's always there and you can always come back--like I'm doing now.

If anybody has any groups on this site to recommend, please let me know.  If you have discussion groups or stuff, that'd be awesome too.  Thank you.

[tomthetool]

You ready to flush 885 days of better breathing, better senses, better everything down the toilet to just smoke for a night? I'm at 10 days today, only wish I was 885. 85 would even be nice...

[Patty-cake]

I remember very clearly how it felt to be in that circle of smokers. Am I reading correctly, it's an identify you hate to leave? Are you concerned that your smoking friend will not accept the change in you? This is your opportunity to be a role-model for your still smoking friend. Show him how good life is without that crutch.

Maybe it's time you get back to some of the basics of 'Quitting 101'.

You need to reinforce that quit of yours. You can join a group, but it's not necessary. The blogs in the community are where everyone hangs out.

[Patty-cake]

If you fear that you will relapse by attending the bachelor party, don't do it. Treat your quit as if your life depends on it, because it does.

[joyeuxencore]

You and your friendships are worth SO much more than a cigarette...You have the opportunity to be an EXample to your dear friend that a smokefree life is possible...no more hiding and lying as he takes his vows with his new wife and the chance to be around for the long haul for his kids and grand kids...We are talking life and death here...not boys in college staying up all night but young men forging their futures together with heads and hearts held high...gather up your integrity and buck up...make a difference don't make a mess!!! xo

[joyeuxencore]

   The Smoker’s Vow

 

To be said just before taking your first puff after
having quit for any appreciable period of time

 

  

           

With this puff I enslave myself
to a lifetime of addiction.
While I can’t promise to always love you,
I do promise to obey every craving and
support my addiction to you
no matter how expensive you become.

   

I will let no husband or wife,
no family member or friend,
no doctor or any other health professional,
no employer or government policy,
no burns or no stench,
no cough or raspy voice,
no cancer or emphysema,
no heart attack or stroke,
no threat of loss of life or limbs,
come between us.

   

I will smoke you forever
from this day forth,
for better or worse,
whether richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death do us part!

   

“You may now light the cigarette.”

“I now pronounce you a full-fledged smoker.”

   

http://whyquit.com/joel/Joel_Index_04_Relapse.html

      

[Michwoman]

If you friend wants you to smoke with him you need to simply tell him that you no longer smoke. He's a grown man who's getting married and if he doesn't support you in this perhaps he's not the good friend you think.........

[YoungAtHeart]

I absolutely agree with Michwoman here.  If you think the smell is going to bother you, put a bit of Vick's under your nose.  Instead of looking at those smoking as people enjoying themselves, REALLY give them a hard look.  They are NOT enjoying smoking - they are feeding their addiction, nothing more and nothing less.  Do REALLY look at your friend.........I think you will notice a difference in how you perceive what smoking is now that you have quit.

I think a review of Allen Carr's "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" might also be in order for you...............if you need a link to a free PDF, here it is:

 http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

I hope you have had occasion to drink without smoking over the time you have been quit.  If you have not done that, then I would also suggest you come up with a plan ahead of time so you can handle THAT at the party and wedding.

Coming up with a plan how you will handle certain situations is the key to coming home with your quit intact.  Try to remember how hard you worked to get where you are!

Nancy

Quit 7/4/12

[All4Railroads]

Thanks for all the posts everybody.  I would definitely choose not to attend the bachelor party if I weren't throwing it!  It's a lousy situation, but I really appreciate the advice from all of you.  Thank you for the support!