Almost Time

[dwwms]

Fast approaching Quit Day! I turn 58 on Wednesday and this is my present to myself - to no longer be addicted to the nicotine demon! To enjoy the rest of my life free! I didn't have too much time over this weekend to think about it - was taking care of a bunch of errands on Saturday and my wife & I celebrated my birthday yesterday after church. I joked around with her asking if she was ready for me to be grouchier - she said yes, she wants me to quit. She also said I have to do it for me - which I know. She wanted to know if I start yelling, can she yell back? I told her she should just sit there and take it. 

Back at work today - and the reality is sinking in. I almost wonder if I'd have been better off starting my quit today. It seems my mind is already trying to play games with me - my job can be rather boring at times. I work in a downtown park with a visitor center and particularly this time of the year, it's kind of slow. I've figured out when the worst times are gonna be - first thing in the morning with coffee and the last one of the day before bedtime. Those urges I can beat pretty easily - in the morning, just get myself going getting ready for work. In the evenings, I'd take the dog out and smoke one last one before going to bed so I'll be mixing up that routine - take him out earlier or letting my wife take him out for awhile, anyway.

But what about the times during the day when I'm bored? Well, I can always get up and take a walk around - breathing deeply, enjoying the fresh air. I can read some or I can come here and jot down some thoughts or just read inspiring posts. I've jotted down a bunch of stuff in preparation for this quit - from my reasons, things to remember, and things to do instead of smoking (or to fight the craving). So I think I'm prepared - yet there's still that hesitation. There's that voice telling me when I smoke now that "you know you enjoy this"  No - the only thing that derives any pleasure is the monster who wants his fix! It's the addiction that's already starting to talk to me, cause it knows what's coming! One thing I've learned since I set my quit day and starting paying attention to when & why I smoke is that most of the time: it doesn't taste good, it makes me lightheaded or my mind foggy, or I quickly find myself out of breath.

I'll probably be on here quite a bit the next week or so - one thing I picked up on real quick was not only is this a good place to vent, but a good place to feel good about my decision and get helpful advice. Thanks to all of you!