Hello fellow non-smokers,
Yes, it has only been one day -- but the journey began on July 25th of 2016. I was not aware of this website -- but my 22 year old son said to me "Mom why won't you let yourself enjoy your life, you have a very good life. But mom, you are living with survivor’s remorse. Why are you punishing yourself for succeeding in life."
I heard his words and I knew he was right. I have a good life and yet I spent everyday punishing myself. So, I began a journey of trying to understand why I would not let myself enjoy my life. That eventually led to searching for an answer to why I was smoking. I purchased a basic calendar, a journal, and I put myself on a 30-60-90 day plan to evaluate, assess, and quit smoking. I began tracking my smoking and why I was smoking. I documented each cigarette and discovered the original reason I began smoking was to find a legal drug I could use to numb my emotions (yep, I was seeking to numb myself without breaking the law -- sad reflection but a necessary truth). Then once the event was over I was addicted. Then I searched farther; I found that I continued to smoke (despite the rational realization it was killing me) because I was addicted and in fact okay with punishing myself.
I then searched for a community of non-smokers to further understand the transition into non-smoking and joined the EXcommunity on Septer 8th of 2016 and set my date for September 9th. So technically, I have been working on this process for 48 days.
In the community I was directed to Allan Carr's book, I read it and am currently re-reading it, Because for my journey I must face the reality that I smoked at this point in my life not because of fear but because I didn't believe I deserved such a good life.
Sad -- how could come to a place to believe I do not have the right to enjoy a good happy life? So, this part of my non-smoking journey is, as Allan Carr describes it, not just learning to enjoy life but embracing the fact that I have the right to enjoy life --- It is okay to be free, It is okay to love life, I don't have to punish myself...
Thank you all in this community for your posts and Thanks to the administrator for providing us with a forum that provide us with information and allows us to reflect on the journey and "STAY QUIT FOR LIFE"
