Hi all, this is a particularly rough day. I actually searched all ExComm blog posts and no one ever seems to have posted about something like this so that's making this worse in the moment.
I had an acute DPDR episode last night. Which is a severe form of disassociation where nothing exists; no time no language no self no life no death; just sheer terror. I've had this disorder for about 7 years now and flares up at times of high stress. My first post mentioned how I chose to quit at a very stressful week during the most stressful phase of my life I have experienced. So the DPDR episode was coming. I have, in the past, used smoking as a way to re-exist (don't know what else to call it; closest that comes to it is "grounding").
It's been almost 24 hours since the episode. I have since gone out to play with my friends, cooked my week's meals, cleaned my whole house, but the aftermath of such terrifying experiences still have my nerves pretty shaken. I've been on the verge of getting out to get a smoke. I've tried my breathing exercises and every other self-soothing mechanism I know. I'm left with the choice of two addicting substances (well, that's what it feels like, I'm sure it's not true). I'm at a loss. I couldn't find other posts on this condition where I could find support, so I thought I'd ask for some.
