I'm coming up to day 17 in an hour and I can't believe how much has already changed for me. Some rambling thoughts to get out tonight:
1. I'm in a better mood than I ever thought possible. I've always considered myself a positive person but now that I'm truly living like one, I have a heightened sense of awareness with almost everything I do or that happens to me.
2. I keep trying to figure out why this "quit" seems so different or easier than the rest. One part of me says don't over analyze it, don't worry about it and the other says, you're doing it b/c it's YOUR time. Either way, it's working. I just know that I didn't smoke yesterday, today and can't imagine doing it tomorrow.There's still another part that says, BEWARE, but it's not scary to me so much.
3. I try not to let negative thoughts creep in. The main one I fight back is why did I wait so long to be true to myself? I try not to go there often b/c it's my time now, and not the addiction's, if that makes sense.
4. There are so many wonderful people willing to share their highs and lows and everything in between. All of it helps. Posts here are often raw, heartfelt, pure, sincere, and all very, very helpful. Thank you all.
5. I am still working on my rewards system -- after a big build up to a work event today where all things worked out very well (and I was in charge), I thought, well, how do I celebrate myself?? I used to go smoke and pick apart everything that could've been better if I had just done X or Y. Today I gave myself a pat on the back and said good job, had my lunch and went on with my day. I didn't miss smoking but there's a piece of me that worries about not giving myself the space to be contemplative like I'm accustomed. However, from the start of this stop smoking journey, I said I will never, ever smoke b/c of something work related. They get enough from me, they will not get my last chance at a healthy life. So like i said, I didn't miss it, I just am struggling to work out the reward issue and sometimes to be in a space of my own. I'll figure it out, I'm sure. I'm not in a hurry. But if you have suggestions, I'm all ears (or eyes).
Sorry to go on and on. I still have so much to share but now it's time for sleep. Have a good night/eve/morn wherever you're from. Thanks for reading and good luck in getting back your health and self respect. We are doing this day sec by sec, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, but it's getting done.
