Thought I would check in and let you all know I'm still breathing. Things have settled down again with teen son. Basically its in a holding pattern. Nothing has changed but he is avoiding me and I'm avoiding him...much like an ostrich sticking his head in the sand. if you ignore it...it can't possilby still be there, lol
ok well that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
My resolve has been solidified through all this that I have to change some things in my life. This week Our weather finally turned for the better here...not great but compared to what we have had ...I'll take it!! So have used that to get outside and start a little yard work . not only the spring stuff needs to be done but much of the fall stuff still needed to be done as I usually do that stuff myself but when fall yard work rolled around I was laid up post surgical from my ankle surgery and was NO WAY i was getting anything done
While it felt good to get outside and work in the yard...I also hit that preverbal brick wall of wanting to sit on the patio ...in the sunshine....and have that smoke break. WOW that one really surprised me and slapped me along side the head. It was really difficult crave to get through as it also comes with pleasant memories of patio time ...sunshine , warm weather , BBQ's and all that goes with it...it wasn't negative copped up smoking out of bordedom or stress memories.
I got through it. This coming week I will make the 3 month milestone. I can honestly say its not been easy by any stretch and there have been a few days when it would have been REALLY easy to resort back to my old ways of just giving up .... But my life has been about giving in for way too long.. my self esteem is totally shoot and I'm just tired of living that way .. this time there is no going back ... Heard someone this week say . "Its hard to more forward in your life if your always lookking in the rear view mirror" ...so true!!
