So grateful to be here with 5 days down. Things have gone pretty much as I have learned to expect from all the practice quits I’ve been doing. I noticed while I was posting on the moving forum, a tiny, tiny, niggling voice throwing out a vague thought - like a fly cast by an expert fisherman. It barely made a ripple, but it caught my attention. “Not good enough.” Don’t know what it was referring to. Probably nothing in particular. Just something that is always with me and I don’t notice until something bigger happens and I do something stupid. It might be smoking, or eating too many cookies or not doing something I want. So now that I’ve noticed so early, how do I counteract quickly before it has a chance to get some traction?
I decided I was going to sing, @Maki’s suggestion. One of my favorite songs is “If you want to sing out, sing out” by Cat Steven’s from the movie Harold and Maude. But I couldn’t really remember what it was or what the movie was. Conundrum! And the realization that I have a lot of choices in that moment when I breathe and give myself a minute. The default is something negative - I’m stupid, foolish, untrustworthy, worthless. I have well worn paths down those places. I am comfortable going there. But not as comfortable as I used to be. There’s a new little glimmer of something that says “Those thoughts are not true. You are more than those negative things. You are learning and growing and brave. You are ok!”
so I went to you tube and put in the words I remembered “a million things to do cat Stevens” and up popped a bunch of hits. The song is called “If you want to sing out, sing out” and they even had the lyrics! So I’m croaking along to this today, https://youtu.be/uznWBjFrF9M?si=ZXLinS7BdUIC4Z5V and feeling hopeful.
and if you want to sing out, sing out
and if you want to be free, be free
’cause there’s a million things to be
You know that there are”
i don’t know what those million things are. I usually have tunnel vision and turn to hopelessness. However I’m learning that I can change. I can look for other options and opportunities. Even when I’d rather not - whether that’s from fear, or old thought patterns or laziness or insanity.
“You can do what you want
The opportunity’s on
And if you find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true”
It’s pretty wonderful that I can learn new ways of seeing and doing. It’s wonderful to have a support group available to encourage me, give me advice and ideas, hold my hand or kick me in the behind. I have the choice of using the tools I have and getting new ones. It’s a process. Mistakes and missteps happen. They are usually not the end of the world. Just a chance to try again. To find a new way. Not to wallow in old stinking thinking, but do it today.
and that makes me think about that Louis Armstrong song about babies and watching them grow - so back to YouTube!
