I wanted a cigarette last night SO BAD after doing something I'd always associated with smoking. It wasn't the first time I'd done it since I quit, but the urge was killer strong last night. My boyfriend was gone but left his smokes here. I was having a glass of wine to celebrate my solo evening. Plus, I've was reading a memoir about addiction to Ambien, and my mind kept telling me, "smoking is nothing like a real addiction, have one, you'll see. It's not so bad." This has always been my give-up the quit scenario, when my mind makes up its mind to have a cigarette and there's no turning back. (I know that sounds crazy, but that's how it feels in my head.) I'm not even sure what stopped me, but I kept putting it off and doing something, anything, else. Finally it was time for bed and I was so relieved that I made it. I'm relieved, too, that I can still use the blog tag "recently quit" instead of "trying again." I don't know if this was no-woman's land or just a bad night, but I'm rattled and less confident in my quit even this morning. Addiction sucks.
Roni - thankfully on Day 38
