Hello. I have not taken a puff since 2 April. Tonight is going to be a tough one though. Since yesterday, I am having a very strong desire to smoke. I know this is normal in the quit process and I am still riding it out, but the thoughts/cravings (I think this is just mind games now) were gone nearly entirely until yesterday.
The trigger that got me here is my marital issues resurfacing, or better said, realizing my marraige is over but we are still iiving together due to circumstances--my pregnancy, the location we are (oconus) not possible unless we return to the states, etc. I am really tempted to smoke. I just can't stop thinking how I'd like to smoke to spite it all, to say "fuck it" I don't care about this marriage anymore and do that to embody my anger. Right now, I really just don't care enought to worry about the baby. I am at a breaking point.
Writing this is helping me realize that my anger is making me want to act out and I am being selfish, becuase I do care about the baby inside of me--but my sick addicted self is telling me "one cigarette won't hurt" it is fucking nuts. Worry, for me. I may not have found my forever quit, even though I haven't broken down yet. I am being honest because that is all I have in this madness, my honesty. I need to document this, so I can remember how stupid it all is. I know I can get through this without smoking, but I just want these pesky thoughts to go away. Any tricks? I am seriously in the thick of a strong two-day mind battle and I want it to end. I came here before doing it, but I don't know if I'll make it until tomorrow at this rate...
