1st Christmas without my Mom

[msgardengirl320]

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all my friends & supporters here ! Hope you had a very great time with family and/or close friends. It was a sad feeling knowing this time last year my Mom was here enjoying the tree we put up & the lights on her house. She was pretty aware of everything, then took her major decline in  January. It feels very strange without her & now accepting the reality that I have lost BOTH parents now. I missed hugging them on Christmas & giving them a gift that I knew they would like. I feel like an orphan, & it's scary knowing I am "next in line". I miss them both so much. I still have to get thru the 3rd anniv. of my Father's death, which will be on New Years Eve morning. They both died in their home, where Jack & I are still staying until it is sold.

I have not forgotten my family here at EX, I just have not been on the site for a while, concentrating on other things & preparing a large memory book for each of my boys & my siblings. I have been working on them for about 4-5 months, but I know they will love them!

Love & peace & strength to all of you. & stay away from that nasty dangerous smoking!

[bonniebee]

I can empathize with you  I know that feeling of being an orphan too I lost my Mom first and I remember well that first Christmas without her it actually changed so much in my families lives and traditions. I hung a portrait of her on the wall next to the christmas tree it was a very bitter sweet Christmas .  I lost my Dad in 2005 and my sisters and I hd to sell our family home . Losses of those we love is a part of life but it is the hard part of life . Now that I am 66 years it seems th losses just keep piling up and I would rather be next then to be here for more .Well that is out of my control and up to the Lord !

After one of my sons passed away I spent bout 5 years making family albums for my other children looking back I realize it was a part of my grieving I could only work at it a little at a time because it was special but also very emotional . ( I had lost my Mom , My younger brother and my son all within a 3 year period.

I think making those memory books will really help you it is good to feel your emotions rather then bury them in drink drugs or cigarettes !  Be patient with yourself .May God bless you and congrats on your quit !

[elvan]

Losing parents is something we never seem to be prepared for...I know that both of mine have been gone for some time but they are still with me and my siblings all the time.  Holidays are hard because everything is different without them.  I think the memory books sound amazing and what a cherished gift they will be.  How lovely of you to do that for your boys and your siblings.  

Your blog is so very touching.  It is nice to hear from you.

Hugs, 

Ellen

[MarilynH]

(((((A huge cyber Hug for you ))))) -- I also love the idea of the memory book. 

Marilyn 

[Giulia]

Becoming an orphan in the world changes us in many major ways.  Unlike those who were born to that station.  Becoming the "adult" figure is daunting.  Having no one to lean on, learn from - scary.  I totally understand where you're coming from. 

But - that's life.  We either suck it up and embrace it or fight against the "dying of the light"  I think it's a combination of the two.  Embrace and fight and learn as we go along.  Just like with quitting.  It's an ongoing journey. 

Embrace the living in your family home.  Enjoy the exquisite time you have there.  Eat it up for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Though there are many sad memories, dwell on the best memories.  For the former serve you not but to make you feel unhappy.  And the spirits that dwell in your house would not want that.

May your Memory Book be filled with the joys that you experienced with your mother and father, the truths learned, and the love proffered. 

Sending a hug from Tennessee.  ♥. Giulia

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I have no wisdom on losing both parents. Mt thoughtsa re with you as you move forward.

[msgardengirl320]

Putting the memory book together was definitely a form of helping get through the initial grief & newness of my loss. Some days I moved along pretty quickly with going thru boxes of pictures & old documents & looking up quotes on-line; other times it made me just stop in my tracks & sit on the floor & cry! But I do believe it was a necessary release of so much sadness. The book started out just going to be abot an inch or 2 thickness, but turned out to be closer to 4 - 4-1/2" thick. Thoughts of smoking came to mind only a few times, but quickly passed when I remembered what it REALLY tasted like. Making the books kept my mind & hands busy during those raw 1st months. Now getting this house sold would really help me move on with life, with my parents gently tucked in my heart forever.

Thanks for all your support my friends. Your own stories & experiences help my healing process too.