This will be my 75th Journal/Blog post. I have been a member of EX since 2009 and have survived migration to two different platforms from the one used when I originally joined. So...have been a member for 13 years with "only" 4+ years smobriety. It takes what it takes, people. I will always say that I couldn't have done it without EX and the wonderful people here who provided the emotional support and loving-kindness I needed to make it through 'til now (some of them are no longer with us and I miss them a lot). Yes, I needed support but the buck stopped with me and that is how it is. I finally did it, at 69 years of age. I hope those of you who are new in your quits make this one your "forever" quit and don't waste years (and $) dancing with the Nicodemon. Take it from one who danced with the devil for 52 years...
I am in the process of selling my home and moving back to Hawaii. This part of my blog post is particularly for my long-time friends here, who know of my financial struggles. Well, the electricity was acting up (I live in a mobile home) and had to put in a new electrical panel to the tune of $2400, which pretty much wiped out the last of my savings. I had to sell my grandmother's silver to pay the bill. Credit shot, not in a good place economically. But still grateful for the roof over my head. And praying that by my birthday (in April) I would be living somewhere else, because I honestly felt like I was dying living where I am (been here 7 years, in a senior mobile home park, with lots of challenges during that time). And the homeless problem keeps getting worse, as does the traffic and congestion and road rage and heat and new construction and noise and dirt/dust and cost of living.
In the meantime, Hawaii had opened up post-covid and the airline was still honoring the ticket I purchased 2 1/2 years ago to visit my good friend, Patti a few months after her husband had passed away. Hadn't connected with her in awhile since I'm no longer on Facebook, but called her up and we talked 'til my phone went dead. Friends like that are so very special. She had moved into a new place recently and I asked if I could come visit and sleep on her floor, if I could stay for a week, that things weren't good for me and I disliked immensely (I try not to use the word "hate" :)) where I lived. She said she had a couch for me to sleep on and also told me her landlord had a little A-frame on his property (she lives on the first floor of his 3-story house) that he was fixing up and getting ready to rent out again. My phone went dead and I purchased my ticket, charged my phone and called her back. She said the A-frame was mine if I wanted it. Would cost me less than my shelter costs here in Sacramento. About a 1/2 mile from the log cabin my ex and I built and where I lived when I left FORTY YEARS AGO TO THE MONTH (that's for my Christian friends--me and Moses...40 years 'til the Promised Land :). I never wanted to leave Hawaii, thought I would die there, but gave up my dream home and my island to try to keep my family together...cried on my last flight to the mainland 40 years ago (islanders call it "the madland") and settled in Truckee, California, where my husband had moved because his sister was there, and weathered the "winter of '82", still one of the harshest winters ever experienced in that Sierra mountain town.
So...had a blast during my week's vacation (hadn't been anywhere in so long that it was a whole new learning experience, travelling again). Patti's birthday was in the middle of my visit and I was invited to her birthday party, got to meet her girlfriends (all super nice and interesting) and go to a painting class (always wanted to attend one of those, my handiwork below), meet her landlord (we got along great), see my new place (it's really darling!), give Giles a deposit to hold it (had just enough savings left to cover it) and get reacquainted with my island (the Big Island).
Fun trip, amazing change of circumstances. I hit the ground running when I got back and am thick in the middle of making my place picture-perfect so it will sell quickly. Giles, my new landlord, is holding the place for me, but it can't be soon enough for me. Going to spend the record-breaking-heatwave Labor Day weekend doing touchup painting outside in the morning when it's cool and inside work in the afternoon when it's supposed to be blazing hot. Praying the new flowers I planted won't die in the heat. Just taking it one step/day at a time.
Moving away will improve my relationship with my daughters--it already has :). It's been hurtful to live so close and so rarely see them. I know quite a few people who don't understand why their kids treat them the way they do--Patti's going through it now with her daughter and so are friends of hers who also recently moved back to Hawaii after 30 years away. It seems to be common these days...
Patti quit smoking years ago; she had already quit for a long time when I left Hawaii 40 years ago. But she started vaping again when her husband passed away and then quit again using less and less strong cartridges. I was getting the urge to smoke (happy emotions are triggers as well as negative emotions, at least for me, and God knows I'm under stress right now) and it wasn't going away, so she gave me an empty cartridge holder to suck on and it really helps--better than the cutoff straw I've used a few times since quitting. I have it in my mouth now 🙂
So that's it, folks, my new avatar is me when I arrived on the Big Island--no sleep in almost 48 hours, hardly eaten a thing, almost missed my connecting flight in Seattle because the airline's app didn't update the gate change and I had to run with all my stuff to the new gate, with boarding ending in 5 minutes....so, so, so, so, very happy, with the lei Patti gave me around my neck and anticipating the best fish and chips dinner I have ever eaten--fresh catch of the day (ono)...my mouth is watering now just thinking of it.
So, dear friends and fellow EXers, your life can change in a heartbeat. One decision can change the course of your destiny. The decision to quit smoking (and STAY quit) may be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life, but it will also be one of the best decisions you've ever made. GUARANTEED!
Aloha nui, Bonnie
@indingrl @MarilynH @YoungAtHeart @OldBones-Larry @Christine13 @JACKIE1-25-15 @JonesCarpeDiem @Mandolinrain @Barbscloud @minihorses
