Yesterday I spent the entire day deep cleaning the house for our Christmas celebration. I am aware that cleaning used to be a big trigger for me. I rarely have those thoughts of needing a reward smoke for a task completed anymore, but still, I am watchful and prepared.
I have also read a great deal about the holidays being a trigger. Since this is my first smoke-free Christmas, I have tried to be vigilant. Really thought I was well prepared, however, I found myself shocked at all the smoking thoughts that bombarded me while I cleaned in the spare bedrooms! I have had so few thoughts as of late and I found this a bit discouraging-and frightening for some reason.
I don’t think it was the cleaning process itself that triggered all those thoughts, but perhaps the realization that 2 of my children and my son in law can’t be home for Christmas this year. It will be the first time ever that I will not have my entire family under my roof on Christmas Eve.
I fought away the thoughts, but was then surprised with the pity party that started up in my head!! Oh my gosh, it was crazy! I wondered if I was going to think about smoking for the rest of my life?! And if so, then why am I quitting, and so on and so forth, and blah, blah, blah. I ended up logging in here, reading, and reassuring myself that “This too shall pass.” And it did!! I went to bed smoke free-- with a smile on my face and a tweaked back muscle from patting myself on the back. (OK, the back thing isn’t true. I was just inserting humor)
I have to admit, this morning when I woke up and gave my daily pledge not to smoke, one of my first thoughts was: so what if I have a thought about smoking here and there for the rest of my life? Seriously, it’s a vast improvement from my smoking days where I had those thoughts every 30 minutes or so! All I have to do is say NOPE and go about my business. That is so much easier than being miserably addicted! I feel much stronger today and feel confident I will never be smoking again.
Thank you all so very much for the support you've given me along the way and for instilling hope and confidence!! Merry Christmas to you all!!!
