OK, it’s out there. My husband asked me if I blame him for the fire. The answer is a resounding yes, I BEGGED him to clean that place out. I am not saying the fire would not have happened if it had not been cluttered but I seriously doubt that it would have gone so quickly without so much fuel. I told him that this will never happen again and he told me to stop acting like General Patton. I told him I am not going to fall for his ongoing manipulation where yells at me or cries or withdraws…he can do whatever he wants to do but I will NEVER live in a home where he works again so he can choose. If he wants to be married, that is the ONLY way I will stay, I will get my own clean, uncluttered place and I will live my SIMPLE life without being surrounded by stuff…regardless of its value. I am sorry I AM angry and I suspect this will split us forever, tonight, I do not care.
I went to the site today with the several inches of snow on the ground and fed the feral cat, I tried to spend time with him but he is fearful and I had to reach under a shed and give him his food because my daughter was in the yard and he would not come out and stay out. I did pet him and talk to him for a little while but it was clearly cold and wet and I could not stay there.
The things that were put in the carport are soaking wet because the roof leaks, it has for years. My future daughter in law thought it was a lean to. My husband was supposedly getting tarps and a screwdriver but he got a haircut and some other things at Walmart because he did not want to miss any sales. I cannot think for two people. I spoke with the motel staff and they said they can put us in a suite if we want on Monday l said absolutely…my husband said he does not want to spend the money….it is INSURANCE money that is SEPARATE from the loss of the house. I do want to be in a smoky little room filled with donations and clothes that cannot be saved. It is time to let go. I can hardly breathe in this room and my daughter and granddaughter refuse to even come in here because he has already brought so many things in here to “clean up and save”.
Ideally, I would get my own room now so I could breathe.
I love you all and I am thankful this Thanksgiving that I have you to vent to, to cry to, and to encourage if you are new at this. My heart is overflowing with gratitude for the love this EX community and the community I live in has shown.
Love,
Ellen
