Well here i am to reset my clock and start counting up again! But I'm not going to forget these days behind me, what I have already overcome and what I have learned. I have beat hard triggers, situations, temptations and they have made me stronger. Last nights lapse was a lesson and I will go forward from it. My experience has been I don't know if any different from anyone else's but instead of getting the short term urges I have had the cruel long lived ones that just build and build like a relentless current to a wave that will eventually crash. They just wear you down after awhile. If i hang on long enough the feeling will evetually ease and its almost a physical relief that washes over me. It has been this way for my 118 days with very few times of relief. Last night for some reason I had just had enough! Maybe the elders can speak to this type of craving. Maybe I need meds. Anyway, Like i said the cigarette tasted awful and hurt to inhale so that fixed "my little red wagon"!!!! And i have no desire to pick up another one. Don't know what the days ahead will be like now. Have i stirred up a hornets nest? honestly i don't think it could be any harder than it already has been. Anyway I better know now what I'm up against and I think I will be better equipped. Onward ...one day at a time
