Yep had one of those crazy out of know where urges today...been stressed about my back pain...yesterday spent the day hiking felt pretty good...and then today felt like crap again..yesterday 70 degrees out today...back to 50 and windy. Calling for snow again on Tuesday?? Oh winter has to end! Any way I successfully made it thru the crave..cried on hubbies shoulder for a while..Was not actually about smokes or even wanting to smoke...I was stressed about other things..and felt like throwing in the towel with everything...the old self abuse thing...I would smoke that was my way of throwing in the towel...fail and refail and self abuse all rolled into one! Today at church however the Pastor was discussing how we all fail...and that god forgives us anyways...but doesn't mean that keeping making the same bad choices. Something I have learned in this quit...that one smoke not only ruins my quit...it awakens that part of the brain that was dying...the one you want to die. I don't want to wake them receptors up...there is never just one smoke, there is just the first smoke...that starts you back to smoking! Staying quit is easier then caving to 1 that leads to more..that leads to starting all over and also wrecking all the healing my body has done in the last 47 days! NOPE!
