get better, I mean.
I think I've turned a corner on grieving for my Baby Dog. Yesterday, before bed, I realized I hadn't thought about him all day, and at first, I was grateful that I'd thought of him before midnight, because I don't want to not think of him everyday, but then I double-realized that I had. Just not in a mournful way, but just sort of, as a part of the running monologue in my mind. Very natural, routine, not sad. He just is.
I'd given up hope this would happen. It's been over five months, and I thought I was fated to deeply grieve forever for him. But I get it now, what everyone had said. And how, when "they" say that it never really goes away, it means that it doesn't, but it doesn't hurt, either. It's just natural. I really get it.
I'm not perfectly fine now. I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. But I think I'm done with the really heavy stuff, the stuff that would have made it easier to pick up a cigarette.
