those first black days are behind me, i can't look at them anymore, if i do i will never come back, i can't make my sons crazy with my grief, they have their own, but they are starting to feel a bit better, of course they still hurt.
this week is over tomorrow, the seventh day, we have a graveside prayer, then dinner later in the evening. we have to wait until the 40th day for the last service, which is also a dinner and prayers.
we cannot cut, dye or shave our hair or beards or anything, no makeup, must wear black at least until the 40th . i know it is very traditional.
i went with it because of my husband and i didn't want the family to think badly of us, my husband would have wanted the traditional way, even though he didn't believe it all, but he always said they don't like things that are strange here, the older ones anyway.
the first day people came to us and it was horrid, my husband's eldest nephew took charge really, he did everything for us, my son is young, 20 but being the older one he was responsible for doing things, but he was enveloped by his cousins, who are older, they did everything
the second day they took his body to a special place where they wash and prepare it for buriel, wrap him in a shroud.
and on sun morning they went to pick him up, took him to the shrine here, some of the family, like his sister and cousins, women were there, i waited at the gravesite. they arrived i got to see him, fell apart and they they put him in the ground, lots of prayers were said for him, then we went to lunch, i couldn't eat.
the next morning at sunrise we were at the grave for prayers, it was the time for morning prayers, then the next day we had the service at the mosque, so many people came, he was very well liked and loved, men crying. it was the same place we were in last year sept for his older sister, awful
he has one remaining sister, she lost a brother and sister in a year, i feel so bad for her, cause i lost my remaining sister in may
the service at the mosque makes everyone feel so bad, they cry and cry, the call out the name of the family and sons, my son said that he actually felt better after wards, maybe that is what is supposed to happen, u cry till u can't anymore and u feel better. my son is also as am i glad it happened here and not in the states were have no family, here the family handled everything because it was the father that died, i did nothing, i had no worry over it, they also had invitations made, black and silver for the dinner tomorrow night, over 100 people coming to the restaurant for dinner, i am glad it was here if it had to be, he loved his family, he felt he was at home and he didn't want anything, he was happy with what he had and he loved us so much, as we did him.
our marriage wasn't perfect, we fought, yelled, loved, and hated, made fun and jokes of each other, we were each others home, i was safe with him, we would have been married for 35 years on jan 14, 2014
i am grateful that they don't celebrate christmas here, so i don't have to see that all over the place, we did have christmas here for ourselves and my husband would make a tree from branches, lol, and we did it up, he loved that tree, so i am glad that i don't have the holiday in my face here, it would be hard, but we are looking forward, to move from here and go back to the usa, i will miss our family here, but it would never be the same without him. ]
thank you all for listening and being there for me this time and the other times, it has been one rotten year. love to u all and i will not smoke, my husband gave it up 20 years ago and was very proud of me for doing it, and i am all my sons have now, i have to stay healthy and alive.
see you all later
