Well, it has been a very long road. And it has not been an easy one, i would be lying if i said that it was. The first day was the hardest, the first month was the easiest.
In the first month i was reaping the benefits of my smoking cessation. I could finally breathe. It had indeed been a long time since i could take a very deep breath. When i smoked i had to use my rescue inhaler at least 3 times a day, just to open my bronchioles so that i could breathe.(and thus smoke some more cigarettes.) Since my bedroom is in the attic, i have always had great difficulty climbing the steps to the attic. And not because i was physically unfit, but because i could not breathe. In fact i always had to use the inhaler when i got upstairs. Finally, i did not have to do that, i can go upstairs as many times as i want to in a day and it doesnt really bother me. I was just feeling better over all.
I had smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day, and now i was not smoking at all. But the 2 and 3rd months have been my hardest. I cannot stand the smell of stale cigarettes on someone, but gosh to smell a fresh burning cigarette is really hard for me. I am on day 85 now, and i was just told by the lung doctor that i should stop the Chantix now. I was originally supposed to take it as long as possible, but i have had some horrible side effects. I am at times so incredibly tense and i feel like their is anxiety in me that is just brewing and about to explode. And at times it does, on my family , those who have been here for this entire thing rooting me on. My fiance even quit for me, with me. But i find myself so completely agitated at times. And i dont really think its the 'not smoking'part; i do believe it is the chantix. I have headaches that last the whole entire day...and i have never had headaches before. I am sooooo depressed and instead of the chantix working to make me not want to smoke, that is all that i think about. I think about it as sooon as i wake up and probaly 100 times throughout the day.
I also think i might not have been mentally prepared to quit smoking. I had smoked for so many different reasons that is really hard to find things to replace the smoking. Chewing on straws, lollipops, candy and all of those things just seem to get boring , and i dont get the same effect out of them as i do when i smoke. I was married to an alcoholic for 12 years and during that time cigarettes became my best friend. And now that is gone. I know that it is a best friend that most certainly will kill me. (in fact by the time i am 50, per my lung doctor) and i am only j36 years old. That is only 14 years from now. And i most certainly do not want to have to carry around an oxygen bottle for any of that time either. And that is where i was headed.
So, now i am going to make a renewed promice and dedication to this not smoking phase of my life. I cannot smoke. I need to find other things to do with my time that are healthy. I need to appreciate my family. I am finally in a spot where the man i am engaged to is the best thing that ever happened to me. He quit smoking FOR ME!! And i take him for granted EVERY day. I take out my frustration of not being able to smoke on him and my daughters, and his daughters and that is not fair. So, if millions of people (which i am sure over the years) can do this quit smoking thing then so can i.
I already took my chantix this morning, and i had allready stopped taking the evening pill a coiuple of days ago, so tomorrow morning will be my first day without anything. And i hope it goes okay, and i am going to be very dedicated to making it okay.
Another thing, the lung doctor told the MA that if i felt i needed something i should get the patch. I told her their is no way i am putting nicotine back in my system after 85 days without nicotine in my system. So, she is supposed to be checking into Zyban for me. It might help with the depression i am having anyways.........
To be continued......
