Yes, I lost a # of days, I never left, I am right here! I was just honest enough to let you all know I smoked. I have heard from some that maybe I shouldn't have told on myself. I am honest to the core and if I wouldn't have busted myself out, I probably would still be smoking! I Don't smoke!
I scared so many people but look I scared myself the most! I let my guard down, I wasn't really struggling or anything. A lot of stuff has been going on. I hadn't reviewed my original reasons for quitting smoking. I allowed myself to be Hungry, Angry, and Tired. The cigarettes have been laying around here ever since mid-October or so when Brandy flushed his quit! It's not his fault! I had seen them, but I never really SAW them because I don't smoke! Do not blame Brandy! I put that stinking, gagging cigarette in my lips, set it on fire and inhaled! Even though I am an Oxygen patient and all of that!
All of the signs we train ourselves and you to watch for were there and I WAS NOT LISTENING to or PAYING ATTENTION to them!
I smoked less than 24 hours, I temporarily lost my NOPE. It is back! I will still conduct the Thursday Train to Freedom. I will still do the Pledge page and keep my mantra "Don't Quit on your Quit" and 519 days of wisdom. I earned it and I am keeping it!
I am sorry if I disappointed you, let you down, confused or scared you. I am a lot of things and LIAR is not one of them! I was selfish in that I needed, to be honest, with you, and me, Hell I tell you everything else. If you really pay attention to my recent blogs and comments, I've been close to a relapse for awhile. Don't be upset if you didn't see it because I didn't see it either. (contrary to what some say! I did not go into Tuesday with a plan to relapse. I did not think I would ever really smoke again until I had smoked! That was the problem, no plan at all, and if there was a beer next to those cigarettes I would have drunk It and I don't drink!) This is still my quit! I own it! and I will never stop paying attention to it or the warning signs again! My name is not "she" it is ~Terrie~ and I am still very proud of myself and of you!
Terrie 2 DOF
and yes, I always counted and I always will! Maybe I should be ashamed or embarrassed and I was at first! but, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! I am using this as a very expensive lesson! and have already put it in my Quit kit! I hope you will, too!
Don't Quit on your Quit!!
