Step therapy or Enabling my child to vape?

[LAB43239]

About 6 weeks ago, I caught my 14-year-old with a vape charger. I had long suspected she was back vaping but didn't have proof until I found the charger. A little background: She started vaping at age 12. She was suspended when caught vaping with a friend at school. I put her into counseling. However, she has since admitted to lying to the counselor because the counselor "always took my side" also she told me that the counselor told her that if she admitted to any vaping or drug use, she would need to tell me (and potentially get law enforcement involved). Anyway, when I caught her 6 weeks ago, she said she needed "step therapy" and asked me to help her. She was using VUSE 5.0, said she needed two weeks at a lower level. So I talked to a coworker who is an addiction specialist who has worked with adults. He assured me that step therapy is not unusual, said to keep my daughter talking to me, use a lot of encouragement, motivational interviewing techniques to help her. Originally she said that she just needed 2 weeks at VUSE 2.5, then another 2 weeks at VUSE 1.8. She said she needed nic-free vapes to help her after that. I said OK, let's give it a try. She refuses to join any of the text apps, etc. because they are "corney". I signed up for the parent texts and I found them helpful. My daughter is stuck at the VUSE 1.8. She has been there for about 4 weeks and doesn't seem to be able to take the next step. I told her she needs to come up with a quit plan and date because I'm not doing this forever. She said her birthday which is in January. I think that's too far away. I am losing my patience. I feel like I'm enabling her, but I hate to say no all together because she has said she will just buy them from people at school - probably give up quitting. She says quitting takes time. I'm just so discouraged. I love her so much, but I feel like I'm just enabling her. I hate this!!

[CommunityAdmin]

@LAB43239 Sorry to hear that the experience is frustrating for you. I also have a 14 year old so I can empathize with how challenging life can be.  I don't think our ThisIsQuitting.com program is corny at all. A lot of teens use our service to successfully quit. It's actually inspired and improved by teens like her. She should give it a chance. https://www.thetruth.com/breathofstressair is another site she can look at. 

[Mybabygirl04]

I am currently in the beginning stages of this as well.  I am so overwhelmed with exactly how to handle it.  No one I have talked to or the sites I have visited give any advice on how to wean or get them off.  I don’t want her using but at the same time how bad will the withdrawals be as they still need to function in school.  We have talked about the weaning  process of lowering the nicotine levels. But like you, am I just enabling the behavior or helping her be successful at quitting.  We have signed up for the texts, but I’m looking for guidance on how to make this process be successful.  

[biscuit9]

Too bad there are no "scared straight" sessions for minors that smoke/vape/dip.  If these kids could see exactly where they will be in 20/30/40 years, they would quit now.  

[LAB43239]

My daughter really wasn't successful with the step therapy, but I feel like I at least honored her strategy. I believe she lost her will to quit toward the end. I stopped buying her pods, but told her I was happy to help her quit in other ways. I provided the "This is quitting" program and others. I offered to find a therapist to help deal with other issues. I told her I would be happy to purchase Nicorette gum or nic-less vapes. She never truly took me up on any of that. She ended up moving on to experimenting/using THC. I'm actually going to pick her up to take her to her first counselling appointment in just a few minutes. My husband's ex-wife is using this as a reason to try to get primary placement, trying to say that I'm not doing enough about this and that our home is "unsafe". A few lessons learned - I do think that step therapy can work but set a quit date and work towards that. Also, make sure that they are vaping in a controlled environment. I found out later that my daughter was vaping with her step-sisters. This has been really, really difficult! I hope you have a better outcome!

[Mybabygirl04]

I appreciate those words of advice! I’m sorry to hear that she has moved on to other things and that is my biggest fear! We do need to have a plan and a quit date. I told her i was  uncomfortable her using in front of me but in the end I guess that’s what needs to happen if this is the route we are going. So it can be controlled and monitored.  It’s so so hard when there is info out there  but not necessarily a plan of how to get them off and be successful. Without going cold Turkey, which can be very hard physically and mentally.  I wish you the best of luck as I know us parents are looking for answers and are doing our best to help our children. 

[CommunityAdmin]

@LAB43239 and @Mybabygirl04 

If you go to https://www.becomeanex.org/helping-a-teen-or-young-adult-quit-vaping/ there is numerous things you can read for approaching your teen.  Look for "Getting Smart about Vaping" "Lay the foundation to talk about vaping" etc. It's part way down the page with the light green background and white boxes.

[CommunityAdmin]

Here is a podcast from a pediatrician who had a child who vaped. Maybe it will help? @LAB43239 @Mybabygirl04 

[Givin-It-Up71]

Hi, I have a 14 year old daughter who started vaping over a year ago, and I just found out. Except my ex husband got her started on those.  I am beyond mad at him, and like you very worried about my daughter. I called CPS on her Dad and the police are involved also. I am a smoker as is her Dad, so I joined this place to quit myself.  I also had to put my daughter into a 2 to 3 month psychiatric treatment facility for youth, because she developed depression and anxiety almost 3 years ago. So she is quitting cold turkey and said to me, "If I have to quit cold turkey the least you could do is quit before I get out of here." and she is 100% correct.  So I have a couple months to quit, and I have set my date for 26 days from today. 

About your teen... first, you did a great job at getting her to cut down to where she is at now. I think maybe doing it like they do at treatment centers for drugs might be helpful.  Give her consequences for not watching films, for not actively being educated on the very bad effects of vaping.  Does she have a cell phone? Take away her phone until she completes activities like watching video's about it in your presence, and find educational help with worksheets like at Etsy.com like this one https://www.etsy.com/listing/1046427759/the-quit-smoking-guide-tracker-nicotine?ga_order=most_releva... it's only 5 bucks but you have to print it out yourself. 

I know with a teen it isn't easy getting them to do anything and sometimes taking away their phones is a HUGE fight. I couldn't get my daughter to go to school anymore before I put her up in the treatment center. So add some rewards for doing what she is supposed to. Even things like, take away a chore for a day or whatever you can think of that she wants. I hope this helps.