Finding Replacement Behaviors for Smoking

[DhivyaaManickam]

We are creatures of habit by nature, enjoying the comfort of daily routines.

These routines might include waking up and having a cigarette, making coffee, doing the Sunday crossword puzzle, having a soda with lunch, watching TV late at night, enjoying dessert after dinner, or countless other rituals we've grown accustomed to and find hard to break away from. While we may sometimes use the word "habit" to describe our smoking behavior, it's vital to recognize that these behaviors are not only rituals or "habits" but that tobacco use is also an addiction.

Breaking such behavior patterns requires considerable patience and time, as does creating new ones. It takes practice to form new routines and become accustomed to them. Smoking is so intertwined with our everyday lives, and part of what makes quitting so challenging is not just breaking the routine of smoking and the behaviors that accompany it but creating new ones in their place.

It is helpful if these new behaviors align with the function of the behavior you are replacing. All behavior we engage in tends to meet one of four functions: access, escape, attention, or sensory.

1. Access: We do something because we want to gain access to something else, like a feeling, an object, or even a place. Example: Smoking allows us to access the pleasurable effects of dopamine in our brain or take a break from work.
2. Escape: We act to get away from someone, something, or even an emotion. Example: We may reach for a cigarette when stressed, as it gives us an excuse to take a break.
3. Attention: We seek to gain someone's attention. Example: Smoking allows us to bond with others and gives us access to their time and attention.
4. Sensory: We do something because it feels good and is self-soothing. Example: Many tobacco users enjoy the sensation of smoke or the hand-to-mouth behavior.

Quitting without replacing the behavior might feel like having the rug pulled out from under you. You might sustain the quit for a while, but over time, identifying the function and role cigarettes played in your life helps you meet its "function" through another new behavior. This understanding can prevent a lapse or relapse, as your needs are met through other means.

Which of the functions – access, escape, attention, or sensory – does using tobacco fulfill for you? And does it fulfill more than one of these functions?

[Thyme]

Wow. I’m reading this after a slip and it’s really helping me see my tobacco use in a new way. After being quit for a while I have learned new behaviors to replace most of these. But the one that still trips me up is “attention.” I still want to use smoking to bond with others and am having a hard time giving up evenings on the patio with my husband (smoking cigarettes) watching the sunset and stargazing, because it feels like that’s a time when we truly connect with one another and have great conversations. I’ve tried being out there and not smoking, but it’s too much of a trigger to be around him when he’s smoking and leads me to slip whenever I’m trying to be out there and not smoke. I’m sort of grieving the loss of this time together—I have so many fond memories of it. But I know I need to avoid places, people and things that will cause me to smoke. He’s not willing to hang out in the backyard unless he’s smoking because he says being out there makes him want to smoke. Arrrrggghhh!!!! Frustrated with myself after another slip and looking for ideas for new ways to connect with a partner in the evenings after dinner.

[mmorris215]

@DhivyaaManickam I gladly take your hand and I pledge not to smoke today. I extend my other hand to the next person in line.

[Lilirix]

This is one of the most powerful articles I have read yet through this journey of mine. I also am reading this after a slip and it gives me so much more insight on this evil nicotine addiction.  I now have a better understanding to this evil habit. Its like the devil and an angel on your shoulder and well I am bound and determined to beat the devil so as I am getting back into my quit I will always refer back to this article.  Thank you so much for becomeanex for all the help and support i get.

[Lilirix]

@Thyme not sure if you have tried the nicotine inhaler or not but that might help for you to still be able to sit on the porch because it is the hand to mouth that we miss so much and the inhaler is just that and gives that same action and having that in hand and being able to get nicotine may help you out with that situation.

[HeatherKraling]

@Thyme you are not alone in missing connections with loved ones when you give up smoking. It can be very difficult when your partner smokes and he/she is not willing to change. Here is a couple of things to maybe try. Talk with your husband about how important it is for you to stop smoking and also, how much you value your evening talks. Ask him what he would be willing to do to help you meet your goal of being smoke free. He might surprise you in what he is willing to do. Also, it may be beneficial to use some nicotine replacement while outside with him (gum, lozenge, inhaler, nasal spray). Also, other behavioral substitutes, such as a straw with cotton in it, licorice, a Quit go (fake cigarette), moving the chair to the other side of him or a different place in the yard or deck. Don't give up on being smoke free, keep trying until you get it right! 

[ssloan84]

@Thyme ugh I completely get where you are.coming from. I loved sitting on my back porch all evening just enjoying the sunset and escaping the noise in the house. It had become my own personal escape area. Now I'm struggling bc I'm looking for my escape. I am sorry that your husband is not quiting with you. That would make this so much easier. I have replaced my sitting with being active and it's helped. Instead of sitting on the deck I take small walks or do some yoga. I've been replacing my escapes with activities. I hope you find something that helps

[Thyme]

Thanks so much for the support and these new ideas! I’m so grateful!

[hardworkinggran]

@Thyme , I am a newly quit and understand way too much how you are feeling.  Going on the deck in the evening relaxing with a cocktail and a cigarette was something I looked forward to. It won’t be forever that you have to avoid this- you may have to avoid it for a while.  Just long enough that “it’s OK” you are OK. Remember this is a cross country Not a Sprint.

I had in-laws come in that all smoke and they sat on the back deck chatting - I went out but not for long “as I usually would”.  I have changed and made that decision and my Quit is #1 right now.  For SURE try nicotine replacement I use the Ons pouches. 2mg. After a bit they became enough. 
good luck Please don’t give up “You are worth it”

[Barbscloud]

@Thyme Glad you found this article to help with your "sticky situation".  Knowing there is a womanhood that can associate with you provides support.  Did you  try discussing this issue for your quit with your husband?  I still think creating a day and time for you to meet and talk could really help you to avoid the deck conversations.

Hang in there.  You can do this.

Barb

[Haywardc]

This was so helpful to me I had a slip after being tobacco free for 6 months. 
for me it is escape as I am having issues with my marriage and one of the reasons is my wife hating that I chewed tobacco. Ironically I used the stress of our fighting as an excuse to chew again and made it worse by trying to hide it . I am trying to stop making excuses but it is so difficult!

[Barbscloud]

@Haywardc So how is it going?  I hope you're getting back on track.  Addiction and excuses go hand-in-hand.    Always remember to reach out before you use, not after.  Trust me it works. It saved my quit early on many times.  

You can do this with commitment and support!

Barb

[kendramarie]

I just enjoy smoking. Taking a break. I only smoke about a pack a week. Should be easy to quit right 

[ssloan84]

@kendramarie that's the scariest ideology to have. "This will be easy bc I just love it but I don't do it often" I started as someone who just enjoyed smoking but then when you try to remove it, you realize it's a full blown addiction. I think you should really look at your patterns and see when and why you smoke. There's more there. I wish you the best of luck but I think you should.really bc honest with yourself if you're serious about quiting. 

[ssloan84]

@Haywardc ah man, that's a real pickle you found yourself in. So I sell life insurance to union members, a good portion of my guys travel a lot for work. I will tell you the worst calls I've ever had to make are.calling the wives and asking them about tobacco positive results bc the husband's said they stopped chewing but really just around the family. It's easy to use tobacco as a crutch to get out of the situations but you have to remember that tobacco is also the little devil on your shoulder telling you "just one dip" buddy. We are here for you..please reach out instead of.chewong again. I'm almost a month in and I really wanted to smoke when I saw I gained 10lbs. I didn't but damn it's been really pulling on me. 

[ssloan84]

@Thyme instead of a drink...grab a THC vape pen. It's been my saving grace, just hit the pen when im struggling. If the THC is a no-no for you, grab a CBD pen

[Barbscloud]

@ssloan84 @kendramarie  @Haywardc @hardworkinggran @Thyme @Lilirix 

I'm so excited to see you new quitters supporting and interacting with each other. Those I quit with early on had much to do with my success.

Keep up the good work.  You can learn so much from each other! It's refreshing to see new perspectives.  

Barb

[HeatherKraling]

@Haywardc, I encourage you to keep exploring the reasons that you are chewing. Often, relapse happens before you put that first dip in your mouth or smoked that first cigarette. It can come from ignoring your feelings and stopping to put yourself as a priority. When feeling overwhelmed it is common to revert back to behaviors that are comfortable, and for you that was chewing. Keep exploring and identifying what led to you buying that tin of chew. Experiment with new ways to help manage your feelings instead of turning to the tin of chew. You can do this! Keep coming back to the community for support.

[Haywardc]

Thank you for the support it has been a game changer for me 

[Ans54]

Day 1 of quit and found this article helpful in identifying reasons but not helpful in finding things to replace. I use my smoke breaks as just that…breaks. A break from the kids, a break from work or a break between chores to regroup and figure out what I am doing next on the list. While logically I know that I will have a lot more time, I don’t want to fill it with more chores or things to do, I do enough! If anyone could throw out ideas of how to replace this “break” that would be awesome!! Not looking to exercise or do another chore as that is my reason for smoking in the first place. Often to reward myself because I have accomplished something. I may be writing a lot today to keep busy!

[Barbscloud]

@Ans54 Welcome to the Ex and congrats on your first day of quitting.

It's not to late to educate yourself about nicotine addiction and create a quit plan.  Many have found success with knowledge and preparation.   It took me 50 years and many attempts to finally get it. I went into my quits blindly and was never successful.  In addition to some aids, I found the Ex a week prior to my quit.  For the first time I learned how to quit and had the support that was always lacking.

This link is a great place to start.

https://www.becomeanex.org/guides/?cid=footer_community_linktobex

Make the commitment and you can do this too.  We're here to support you on your journey.  So reach out anytime you need help, want to share your experience or to support fellow quitters. We're all in this together.

Join many  of us on the Daily Pledge.  It's a great way to stay on track on day at a time.

100 Things to do instead of smoke - EX Community

I know you said you don't want to exercise, but I'm going to suggest walking.  It has helped many of us with out quits. When I first quit,  I would just walk out the door for few blocks throughout the day.  It's a great way to refocus your thoughts and get a added boost of dopamine.  It's important to replace the dopamine lost when quitting.  You can exercise, dance, listen to music, laugh, etc. And get on the Ex to read, post, and support your fellow quitters.  The reward (break) cigarette still can haunt many of us at times.  I still use the Ex for that.  I'll just get on the site for a few minutes and then go back to work.

Stay busy and stay close.

Barb

[Ans54]

Thank you so much barb!! Any support appreciated. This is my 7th quit attempt! And I have my husband quitting also. I found this site a few weeks ago and have been reading up and taking all suggestions to heart. I will reconsider the walk around the block, I will need that dopamine and solitude. I have my toothpicks, small tootsie pops (big bag), gum and highest patch dose. Smoked a pack a day for last 27 years and it’s starting to show. Gotta say, it kinda helps during this first morning—my worst time of day—to post and talk. Helpful, distracting and keeing my fingers busy. Thanks so much for your response

[Barbscloud]

@Ans54  You got this. Stay close and reach out anytime we can help.

Barb

[BBranham1990]

I use it to gain access and mainly for the sake of habit. It is particularly strong after I eat a meal. I instantly want to pick up my vape to recover from getting too full.