Quitting smoking-it turned out that the cigarettes/nicotine wasn't the problem. A symptom? Underneath the smoking was fear and all sorts of irrational thoughts and beliefs. Neurotic or self-sabotaging. Underneath the beliefs was an overwhelming core belief that I am worthless. I'm really working hard to root that sense of worthlessness out.
I'm too overanalytic to just say mantras like I'm a great person over and over. So, I'm really trying to formulate a few go-to rational and sound statements to retatlitate my triggers. I accept that I exist. God doesn't make junk. All the stuff I worry about, that's not who I am. Maybe I am a worthwhile person? I'm learning to think rationally.
That sense of worthlessness hides very well underneath layers of nonsense. Some layers were placed in an indirect attempt to avoid or dispel the worthlessness. I'm able to pull myself out of dispair by accepting the help that I receive here, in 12-step meetings and therapy. The antianxiety meds have helped slow the rpm's down a little bit. But, I also am helped to feel more worthwhile when I can help others out.
